Tech Issues

So…

Some of you may remember awhile back, when my site went down, and even the tech support guy was like, “I got nothing,” and I halfway fixed it to the point that it functioned and decided, “Meh, that’s good enough.”

Well, it all finally kind of exploded. I’m on a first-name basis with the tech guy at GoDaddy and I’ve had to switch my hosting platform, whatever the hell that means, and oh my god you guys I would literally rather clean the filthiest, shittiest public bathroom in the world than do internet-tech stuff. I just have this seething, irrational hatred for it. It puts me in a shitty mood and drives me up a wall.

So I’ve got the rest of the site fixed, but everything since I switched to the first hosting platform is lost. So everything from the last three years is gone. There’s a chance I can get it back from the hosting site, I’ll have to look into it, but honestly, I’m really, really struggling to see how it’d be worth the effort.

I’m serious, y’all don’t understand how much I hate this shit. I very well might just cut my losses and rewrite the stuff I want to rewrite from the last three years. It’ll depend on how annoying the process is.

But the site is fixed well enough that it functions. There are a couple of other things that I need to do at some point, but I hate doing it and don’t want to do it, so I’m putting it off, because that went so well the first time.

What I’m saying is I make good decisions.

No, in all seriousness, I need to actually finish the damn process this time. And it reset everything on the site, so it reverted back to the way it was three years ago, and I need to tweak the settings and layout and put it all back the way I had it. Which, at least that part isn’t too hard, more just tedious than anything.

Whether I can get the last three years of content back is still kind of up in the air, but that’s not the part I’m super worried about. It won’t really bother me if I can’t get it back, I can just rewrite the important stuff and call it good.

So we’ll see. It should be fun.

The problem with boxes

“Think outside the box.”

“You don’t want to open that Pandora’s Box.”

“Life is like a box of chocolates.  You never know what you’re going to get.”

“We’ve got him boxed in.”

“She’s an odd one.  She doesn’t really fit into any particular box.”

“Eat my box.”

We as a species seem to be fascinated by boxes.  They’ve been around longer than the wheel (I have no idea if that’s true, I just made it up.  But it sounds good).

We like boxes.  We like when things fit neatly in those boxes – both literally and figuratively.  It’s surprising how much the idea of boxes figures into our culture.

Even to the point that a poorly-worded Google search during your lunch break turns an innocent attempt to find cheap packing materials into a massive list of NSFW images, that of course your boss sees, and of course he assumes you have a porn-addiction problem, and since he tries to be super-hip, takes every opportunity to share his own porn interests with you, and seriously, why wouldn’t a work computer have filters to prevent that kind of thing?  I mean really, that’s just irresponsible.

What was I talking about?

So boxes.  It’s human nature.  Our brains hate chaos and disorder.  It is impossible for us to truly randomize anything.  Our brain subconsciously creates patterns, compartments, and categories to organize all thoughts and stimuli it experiences throughout the day.

So it’s natural to do the same thing to people.  And people get so irritated by it.  Everyone’s always crying about not wanting to be labeled, not wanting to be put in those boxes.

And I get it.  I do.  But until we overcome human psychology, it’s going to happen.  And it’s not always a bad thing.  It’s easy for us to use labels.  It helps with communication.  It helps with the sharing of ideas and information.  It helps us differentiate between things.

And let’s not forget that sometimes, people do fit perfectly into those little boxes.  I know I fit perfectly into the “Dominant box.”  I don’t have a switchy or submissive bone in my body.  I know people who fit perfectly into either the “Straight box” or the “Gay box,” or even the “Bisexual box.”

I don’t really fit neatly into any of those.  I’m not completely straight, but I wouldn’t say I’m completely bi, either (unless with a very specific physical appearance and type of woman.  Then I’m all-out bi, and may potentially even slide a little bit closer to gay than straight).

I treat female submissives differently, as well.  I’m a different kind of Domme with a woman.  A female sub inspires different things in me, and brings out different traits.  It’s not any kind of conscious decision on my part.  It just happens.

So boxes don’t have to be bad.

The problem comes when we cling to those boxes.  The worst was when a friend of mine used a box analogy to describe why she wasn’t comfortable with polyamory.  She said that her heart was like a box, and why wouldn’t she give all her love to her husband, rather than just half?

Dude, what?

First of all, there’s no such thing as “all your love.”  It doesn’t exist.  It just doesn’t.  It’s not real.  Like unicorns and honest politicians.

Your heart is not a box that can be filled up.  You don’t have a finite amount of love.

So what, you love your first kid less when you have a second kid, because you have to use up some of your allotted amount of “kid-love”for the second one?  Or if your spouse dies and you remarry, you stop loving your deceased spouse when you fall in love with your new one?

No dear, it doesn’t work that way.  You can love your spouse with your whole heart, and simultaneously love each of your kids with your whole heart, and you can love your pet with your whole heart, and your best friend, and your parents, and all of that.  There’s no limit.

But another problem that I’ve experienced, as I’m sure other people with less-than-popular lifestyle choices have as well, is that people don’t like it when you don’t quite fit in to their little boxes.  And this is all kinds of people.  I see it a lot with the conservative parents at the parks and playdates, sure.  But I also see it just as much with people in the D/s community.  Which I find hilariously ironic, but it is what it is.  People aren’t hugely fond of what they don’t understand.

The problem with boxes is that we love those boxes too much.  And I’m guilty of it, too.  So I think I’m going to start working on that.