So I’ve had a few conversations over the last few weeks on the concept of abuse. And with my last story, more than one person was surprised at the level of obedience in the sub.
A fellow Domme even scoffed at the idea of a sub being that obedient when it’s something he doesn’t want to do.
… Um, what?
There are subs who don’t obey their Owners? There are Dominants who don’t expect their subs to obey them?
Is this actually a thing?
Maybe I’m just weird, but obedience is kind of a big deal with me. Like, that’s one of the biggest requirements I have.
I expect to be obeyed. If I don’t have complete confidence in being obeyed, I’m not interested.
Sounder expressed similar sentiments when I told him about it.
This, ladies and gentlemen, is what I expect from my subs. And what I think all subs who are not at this point should aspire to.
Does that mean you can’t have limits? Of course not. Sounder has limits. Star has limits. And both of their limits are absolutely respected, without question.
Does it mean you have to obey a command that is dangerous or illegal or something that you can’t or shouldn’t obey for whatever reason? Of course not.
There’s a difference between obedience and mindless obedience. I don’t want mindless obedience, or mindless anything.
My subs have incredible minds and wonderful personalities. I don’t want to take that away from them. They’re strong people, I wouldn’t be able to take that away from them if I tried.
If there’s a reason why they can’t or shouldn’t obey me, they tell me.
But “I don’t wanna” is not a good enough reason, folks.
If there’s a reason they can’t or shouldn’t obey me, they need a better reason than “I don’t feel like it.”
For example, if I show up at Sounder’s house after work tomorrow with a man, and tell him to get on his knees so the man could use his mouth, it’s pretty safe to assume he’s not going to want to do it.
But he’s going to do it.
Now, if there’s a reason why he can’t do it, or he shouldn’t do it, that’s a different story. Maybe he just had dental surgery. Maybe he’s had migraines all day. Maybe he’s got the flu. Maybe his mom is on her way over to his house to have dinner right at that moment. Maybe he has to be at a work dinner in 30 minutes, and he just came home to change.
I mean, there are a million legitimate reasons why he can’t or shouldn’t obey that command. And of course he should tell me if there’s anything like that.
Another example was this past Monday, when I went to his house. I’d told him I wanted us to go to the salon and get pedicures, because he’s eventually going to go dressed as a girl, and we’ll have a girls’ day at the spa.
But because I’m nice, I told him he can wear his boy costume the first time. And I told him we were going to go on Monday when I got there, and then we’d go back to his house, he’d get out of his boy costume, and we’d do other fun things.
And he immediately tensed up about it. After explaining his reasons, I asked him if it was a hard limit. He said no, it wasn’t, but with everything else happening that night, the added stress of a situation he wasn’t comfortable with, coupled with the time it takes him to get dressed up and beautiful for me, would be an edgy, negative kind of stress that could impact the evening.
Which was a really good point. There was going to be enough else to make him anxious and nervous, and I didn’t want him tense and anxious, so I dropped it, and told him we’ll do it another night.
Now tact matters. How you say it matters. Had Sounder just flat-out told me no, I wouldn’t have been super pleased. He didn’t tell me no, and he didn’t tell me some version of “I don’t feel like it” or “I don’t wanna.”
He explained, clearly and respectfully, what the consequences of obeying me would be. I agree with him, that those were not awesome consequences, so I agreed that it wouldn’t happen.
And the way he handled it, and every situation like it, is exactly what I want.
If he hadn’t said anything, and just done what he was told, knowing it would stress him out and impacted the rest of the night, I would’ve wondered what went wrong, and how to fix it. I probably would’ve told him that he needs to tell me when those kinds of situations come up in the future, so we can avoid it happening again.
If he had flat-out refused, if he had responded with, “No, I’m not doing that,” I would’ve been really, really annoyed.
I’ve been told I’m just slightly unpleasant when I’m annoyed. Most people who know me try to avoid that.
So either of those options would not have been what I wanted. Sounder did exactly what he was supposed to do. He didn’t mindlessly obey me, and he didn’t disrespectfully tell me no.
And yes, I am 100% confident in his obedience. I can relax, knowing that I’m not going to have to strong-arm him into doing what I want. I can just enjoy his presence, I can enjoy tormenting him and hurting him and degrading him and all the things I love doing to him.
In his mind, there’s no option but to obey me. If there’s not a legitimate reason why he can’t or shouldn’t, it’s just not an option.
And that mindset frees him up to just truly experience what I do to him. He can enjoy the nice things I do to him, and he can endure the not-so-nice things I do to him. It feels deeper, more real, because he doesn’t have that little voice in the back of his mind urging him to tell me no.
I enjoy fucking with his mind, I enjoy taking him on these crazy mental and emotional roller coasters, I enjoy playing with emotions like fear and dread and humiliation.
And he can let go and simply enjoy the ride.