Full Circle

I actually got five straight hours of sleep on Thursday morning after writing the last post, which is a huge improvement over the previous three.  I’m still feeling a bit raw, but life goes on, and I’ve never been one to dwell.  Just turn that shit off and move on.

And when I woke up, I saw both a text message and a Facebook message from Pet, telling me he had a question for me.

I texted him back, asking what the question was, but I knew he was in school (you know, high school), so didn’t expect a quick reply.

When he did reply, he asked, “Would you be my sponsor?”

And I was confused.  Immediately my mind went to Sadie and Mal’s play parties.  The group is a closed group, and new people can only become members by being sponsored by one of the “leader” figures.

But Pet had already been to their house four times.  More than that, Sadie told me she was protecting him.  So why would he need a sponsor?

It had to be for something else.  I asked, “In what sense?”

It was in fact for the play parties.

Why?  And wasn’t Sadie his sponsor?

Apparently she’d told him that he needed a sponsor to continue coming to the meetings.  I was still so confused, but I told him I’d be his sponsor, but to talk to Sadie first, to make sure she was okay with me sponsoring him.

He told me he already had.  And I trusted him, but I decided to text her myself, just to be sure.  I’d rather be paranoid than accidentally step on her toes.  I don’t know their relationship.

She assured me that it was fine, that he wasn’t hers, and that I was welcome to him.

So I’m protecting a high school kid now, apparently.  Oh, and a gay high school kid, I don’t think I shared that detail yet.  He describes himself as homosexual, but panromantic.  I owned a boy like that once upon a time (although we didn’t know words like panromantic ten years ago, so trying to explain our relationship to others got complicated), so that’s something I can completely understand.

But I was still confused.  Why wasn’t Sadie protecting him anymore?  Why wasn’t she his sponsor?  And why did he still need a sponsor?

Then I saw a message she’d shared with all the members of the group, reminding everyone of the rules, and stating that the group has enjoyed a rather significant influx of new members, and that they were going to freeze membership for awhile.

And it made sense.  Each sponsor is only allowed to sponsor three people at any given time.  She likely already had her three.  And she wasn’t going to break her own rule.  It’s also very likely that he never had an official sponsor.  So with her needing to crack down on the rules, it made perfect sense that he’d need to be officially sponsored.

That, and his age and inexperience pose a potential problem.  He’s no idiot, and seems quite capable of taking care of himself.  But it is her house, and should something go wrong, she’s the one that would be held responsible.  Someone needs to keep an eye out for him, to take responsibility for him, and to keep him safe.

He may not necessarily need that, but it’s better to be safe than sorry.  If it was my house, I’d make the exact same decision.  And if I couldn’t protect him personally, I’d make sure someone I trusted could, or I wouldn’t let him come back.

He’s not unintelligent, and seems extremely mature for his age, and has already impressed me more than once, but there’s no escaping the fact that he’s only 18.  He lacks the life experience of a 40-year-old, a 30-year-old, or even a 25-year-old.  If I was Sadie, I’d be paranoid about keeping him safe, too.  He’d probably be annoyed by that (I know I would be, in his position at 18), but he can just be annoyed.  I’ll ask him again in ten years and see if it still annoys him.

So I’m protecting a gay teenage switch.  Alrighty, then.

He’s not mine, I don’t know if I could even call him a play partner.  We’ve only played once, and that was Sadie’s scene, not mine.  I don’t know if that will change at any point.  But I’m not looking for another long-term sub (and he’s leaving for college after he graduates, anyway), so right now, he’s just a friend, a sweet little thing who has dealt with a lot in his short years.

He needs someone steady, and dependable, and supportive, with the wisdom and life experience to know what to say, and when to keep quiet when he needs someone to hear him.  I can definitely be that for him while he’s here.  And cuddling with him feels pretty awesome.

He’s also interested in exploring his Dom side a bit more.  At the play party last night, we were watching Mal teach a woman how to flog, and he mentioned that he hasn’t had much opportunity to learn.  And I’d be happy to teach him.

The problem is that my boys wouldn’t be great guinea pigs for a lot of it.  Kazander isn’t a masochist, so wouldn’t have a lot of patience for flogging/paddling/whipping/caning/whatever.

And Sounder may be a better guinea pig for things like that, but with his current health concerns, I’d be awfully nervous about accidentally hurting him.  There’s a lot I’d be able to use him for, but I’m very protective of my boys to begin with, and combining an inexperienced Dom with an injured sub requires a pretty high level of caution.

So for much of it, Pet would have to find his own guinea pig… which, I understand, could be difficult for an 18-year-old high school student.

He mentioned asking Sadie if he could use her sub, but I wouldn’t feel comfortable teaching him on someone else’s submissive.  If there’s something he wants to learn that he would need Sadie’s sub for, I’d rather her be the one to teach him, if that’s something she wants to do.  But some things, I’m sure I could use either Kazander or Sounder for.

Brings back memories, though.  When I was his age, I had a mentor who was much older (granted, the age difference was closer to 25, rather than 12).  And now I’m an adult, mentoring a teenager.

Full circle and all.

Oh, and speaking of Kazander, he came to the play party with me last night.  He’d only ever been to one before, but it had been months ago, and since Sadie is freezing membership, we wanted to make sure he’d be allowed back.

And Mal was kind enough to let me do fire play again, and let me try out his brand new Kevlar wand, which was awesome.  Pet was quick to volunteer to let me set him on fire again.  It gave me an opportunity to hurt him, which, I mean come on, I’m not going to let that opportunity pass me by.  I couldn’t convince him to let me burn off his chest hair, though, dang it.

Then I looked to Kazander, waved the flaming wand a bit, and said, “Wanna try?”

He’d already seen Mal teach Di how to set her girlfriend on fire, and he’d seen me set Pet on fire, so he shrugged and said, “Okay.”

He took his clothes off and hopped up on the table.  Mal was needed back inside, so a longtime Domme friend, Bit (who taught Mal fireplay, incidentally) stepped up to supervise.  It was only my second time, and while I didn’t need any help, they wanted to make sure I didn’t make any mistakes.

Both Kazander and I love Bit to death.  She’s a tiny little thing, maybe about 4’10”, or somewhere around there.  She’s in her 50s, and has been doing this since before I was born.  She’s played with Kazander before, and she came to my baby and bridal shower, and I just love having her around.

So Kazander was relieved that she was the one supervising, rather than Mal, simply because he’s known her longer, and, of course, she’s female.

I will never understand what it is with straight guys and being so weird about stuff like that.  You hardly ever meet a straight woman who has that hang-up.  I don’t give two shits if a straight chick touches my ass (especially if it’s on fire, and she’s touching it to put it out).  But Kazander was weirded out by the idea.

But in the end, Mal wouldn’t have had to touch him, anyway.  Bit didn’t touch him at all.  She simply stood back and watched, occasionally giving me pointers or tips.

And Kazander didn’t mind it at all.  He said it felt good, and even when it did start to hurt a bit, it didn’t hurt nearly as much as wax play.

And I want that Kevlar wand!  That thing is soooo awesome!  And the flames burn higher than the cotton wands, so it just looks cooler.

But it’s expensive.  It’s $45, plus freaking $60 to ship it, since it’s coming from Hawaii.  So it’s definitely going on my gonna-buy-one-day list.  In the meantime, I can still use the cotton wands.

Next I want to learn fire cupping.  And isn’t it convenient that I know an awesome Domme with tons of experience with it, who could teach me?

I definitely need to give Bit a call.

Squee!!! Fire!!!


It all started with a text from Sadie two days ago.

Want to help with some light sub torture?


You have my attention…

She was planning on having two subs blindfolded and tied up, groped and tormented, and ending with one giving the other a blowjob.

Why yes, yes I can.

So I was already excited when I got there, knowing that I’d be able to do vicious things to helpless boys. But that wouldn’t start until later, and in the meantime, her husband Mal was going to set a pretty sub girl on fire.

So naturally, I was all up in his face.


Oh, did you need some personal space? Are you sure?

And he talked me through the whole process, from making the fire wands to actually setting someone on fire.

It was amazing, I loved it.

Soooo awesome. I was stoked to learn.

Until he said:

I won’t teach you unless I can do it to you first, so you can experience it yourself.


Fuck, fuck, fuck.

How badly do I want to learn? Maybe I don’t need to learn after all. I’ve gone 30 years without knowing how to do it, right?

Ugh, I really, really want to learn. And he’s right, it can be extremely dangerous, and I do need to understand it from both sides. And the other 3 girls he did it to all said it felt amazing, and didn’t hurt at all.

Fine. Goddammit.


So I shed my dress and bra (for the second time that night, incidentally) and climbed up onto the table, my blood pressure skyrocketing, with a promise that I’d set his clothes on fire if he tried anything.

He believed I’d make good on that threat, and assured me I’d be fine.

My heart was pounding. I am soooo not a masochist, and pain pisses me off. I didn’t want to deal with all that.

But he was great, and the girls were right, it didn’t hurt. In fact, it felt really, really good.

I couldn’t let myself relax, though, because I never can when I’ve been in that bottom role, and I’ve never bottomed for anyone but Kazander.

And I’m just naturally distrustful of male Doms, anyway. I almost said no, that I’d rather wait until Kazander or Sounder were there with me. Having one of them standing by to make sure no lines were crossed would’ve made me more comfortable.

But I don’t really do the “patience” thing well. And while he did make me nervous with a comment about how he had to catch himself from slapping my ass, he didn’t cross any lines, and it was fine.

He did let the fire burn for a bit longer once, so that I’d feel what that felt like. And it hurt, but not too bad. He put it out before it got too bad, and explained the difference, about how letting the fire burn longer would burn off the alcohol and start burning skin. Which could definitely be used to a Dominant’s advantage, but caution needs to be used, or it’ll blister.

So it was a learning experience. When he let me up, I was more than ready to jump off the table and get dressed. Even though I agree that I needed to understand what fire play is from both sides, bottoming made me angsty and nervous, especially since the only people I knew there were female and tiny.

Not that I thought Mal would do anything from a rational standpoint, it’s just one of those irrational, illogical things. Bottoming makes me uncomfortable, and bottoming for a male Dom was a struggle to keep from freaking out.

Remember, until tonight, even scening as a Top with a male Dom was a hard limit. Bottoming for one was an exercise in shutting off my emotions so I wouldn’t lose my fucking shit.

But I’m a big girl, I survived, he was great about it, and I’d just zipped my dress back up when Sadie called me to the front room.

I walked in to see the two boys, hooded, their hands cuffed and chained above their heads.


Sadie gave me the smaller one, an adorable little young thing who made the cutest noises when he was in pain. I tortured his nipples with clamps, completely loving the way he squirmed, gasped, and moaned. Especially when Sadie hit his ass with the cane while I tugged on the clamps.

Masochists are so much fun.

But then I found the bag of clothespins, and Sadie said, “You can do a zipper, if you want.”

Why yes, I think I will.

And even just putting the clothespins on him got some adorable little gasps and whimpers. When I was done, I stood back, holding the two ends of the rope together. I imagine he’s glad he was blindfolded, so he couldn’t see the look on my face.

I pulled them off, feeling that uniquely satisfying resistance as each pin was pulled off, hearing the incredibly addictive sound of the pins snapping shut. And the even-more addicting sound of him crying out.

God, it was fucking hot. And his reaction was just beautiful.

I wanted to do it again.

Luckily, just at that moment, Sadie asked if I would do it to the other boy. And I was more than happy to comply.

After that, the violet wands came out, and both of them reacted so wonderfully to it. It was so much fun.

And when the little one (we’ll call him Pet) was pushed to his knees to suck the other one’s cock, it was amazing.

Just lots of amazingness all the way around.

So after that, we all socialized, and hung out, and had fun. Pet’s ride needed to leave, and he wasn’t ready to go, so I offered to take him home (he’s 18 years old!! Still in high school!! Like, an actual has-to-go-to-school-on-Monday, homework-having high school student! I had helped torture a high school boy!).

And he blushed and got the sweetest little smile when I told him later that he makes cute noises when people do mean things to him.

Then, right around midnight, when the majority of the people had left, Mal, Pet, Sonic and I were all sitting outside, when I commented that I couldn’t wait to try fire play for myself.

Mal said, “Alright, let’s do it.”

“What, now?”

“Yeah, let’s go.”

I was surprised. He originally said that he wanted my first time to be with an experienced sub, who was knowledgeable about being on the receiving end of fire play. And no one present fit that bill.

Moreover, Mal is as straight as they come. And while fire play isn’t inherently sexual, I’d still never seen him Top to a boy, and I’d assumed he would want to teach me on one of his female play partners.

But I sure as hell wasn’t going to complain.

Sonic currently cannot participate in any play, so I looked to Pet. “Can I set you on fire?”

He grinned and said, “Sure.”

Which, to be honest, surprised me. Because we’d only just met that night (and weren’t formally introduced until after I’d made him whimper and moan, which was funny. “Oh, you already met her.” “I did?” “Yeah, when you were naked and blindfolded, she was the one torturing you.” “Oh, well cool.” Gotta love those conversations), and he’d never done fire play, and he knew that I’d never done fire play, and what is it with these incredibly trusting boys Sadie has that let me use them as guinea pigs for some pretty risky edge play the first day I meet them?

I mean, I know I’m amazing, but damn.

So he took his shirt off and lied down on the table while Mal went back over everything with me, making sure I had it all down. He stood right beside me, the damp cloth within reach, as I held the fire wand in my right hand, and the alcohol wand in the other.

I was going to set something on fire!

Holy fucking shit!

Up until this point, I was squealing and jumping up and down, and basically acting like a 12-year-girl about to meet Justin Bieber.

No, y’all don’t understand. I have a thing with fire. I’ve wanted to do this for decades, but never had someone to teach me how.

But now, it was the moment of truth. I was literally going to set an actual living person (and a high school student, lest we forget) on fire.

Like, holyfuckingshit.

I used the alcohol wand to draw a straight line across his back, then tapped the fire wand to it.

And I about came all over the floor.

Holy.  Fucking.  Shit.

Mal was there the entire time, making sure that I did everything right, that everything was going the way it was supposed to, offering advice and suggestions.

But Pet was practically falling asleep. He’d already been through one session, and I’m serious, y’all. Fire play feels pretty good.

He was quite relaxed.

There were a couple of times that I let it burn for just a fraction of a second too long (not long enough to burn, but long enough to hurt), but that’s the awesome thing about doing it on a masochist. He loved it.


The very first time I hit him with the fire, the moment I went from “No, I’ve never done fire play,” to “Yes, I’ve totally set someone on fire.” You can just make out Mal’s hand to my left, ready to step in if he needed to. And of course, these photos are posted with Pet’s permission and blessing, he assured me that I didn’t need to crop or edit them.


After you make the line or pattern with the alcohol wand, you have to set it down and use that hand to smother the flame once you ignite the alcohol. And you have to be quick, the alcohol burns off fast.



This is my favorite of the pictures that were taken. You can see the fire on his skin really well. And his expression is adorable. That’s the face of a very relaxed boy.

So it was beyond, beyond amazing. I loved every minute of it. And by the end, Mal was standing back, while I did it all. All he did was switch out the wands when I needed new ones. It was soooo amazing.

After we finished, Pet got up, got dressed, and we hung out for a bit longer before he had to be home.

He got in the car, and surprised me again when he started singing along to a Green Day song that came on the radio.

“So you have good taste in music,” I observed.

And as it turns out, he’s like me. I have very eclectic tastes in music. Green Day may come on over my Milk Music account, then Marilyn Manson, then 3 Doors Down, then Sublime, then Idina Menzel, then Renee Fleming, then Flogging Molly, then Rise Against.

So the car ride to his place wasn’t boring. He’s fun to talk to.

So yeah, the night was incredibly, amazingly, terrifically, epically awesome.

And now I know how to set people on fire.

Fucking yay!

30 Days of Kink: Day 15

Post a BDSM/kink activity you’re curious about and want to try.

Fire play.  I definitely want to learn fire play.  And find a guinea pig willing submissive to try it out on.  Some people may already know I kinda have a… thing with fire.  No, I’m not an arsonist.  I’m just kinda in love with it.  But I don’t play with it, because I have no fucking idea how, and that shit is mad dangerous.

I’m also interested in learning some more advanced shibari.  I know some basic stuff, some relatively simple stuff, but the things I’ve seen some people do with rope and a body is fucking amazing.  I would love to learn how to do that.