An exercise in proper English

Lesson 1

dominant: adjective (that means it describes shit.  For example, “Brown eyes are a dominant trait.”  Or, “I have a dominant personality.”)

Dominant: noun (that means it’s a person, place, or thing.  For example, “I am a Dominant.”  Also describes a specific role within BDSM. For example, “I am a Dominant woman.”)

dominate: verb (something you do. For example, “I dominate men for fun.”)

You are not a “dominate,” goddammit.  Stop saying that.

M’kay?

Cool.  Good talk.

30 Days of Kink: Day 1

This intrigues me, and I’m really enjoying seeing other people’s answers to it.  So I figured, what the hell?

Dom, sub, switch?  What parts of BDSM interest you?  Give us an interesting, in-depth definition of what that means to you.  Basically, describe your kinky self to us.

I’m a Dominant, absolutely.  Domme, Mistress, Owner, Sadist, Humiliatrix, Predator, all of that (in varying degrees).  There can occasionally be little bit of a Mommy in there, as well, depending on the person I’m playing with.  Girls, in particular, tend to bring out that part of me, but there’s been the occasional boy that calls to that maternal, firm, loving caregiver.

The type of Domme I am really depends on my mood and who I’m with, and what that person brings out.  For example, kazander is your typical Alpha, somewhat-bratty sub, and when he rears his smart-ass head, I immediately become the strict, unyielding, merciless Dominatrix.  There’s a light, playful energy in our play, though, even when I put him in his place, and I fucking love making him eat his words.  It’s a power struggle with him, and he’s a challenge.

There have been others that I’ve played with that bring out a different part of me.  The sweet, slutty, compliant ones bring out my gentle, indulgent (but no less sadistic or twisted) side.  The meek, timid, innocent ones bring out my protective, nurturing side.  I remember the Nerd, how he inspired that in me.

But kazander doesn’t inspire any particularly protective feelings.  Don’t get me wrong, if I ever hear someone insult kazander, or treat him badly, I’m damn sure going to make sure it’s understood that such behavior is not acceptable.  I will not allow him to be mistreated (by anyone other than myself, anyway).

But kazander is strong, strong-willed, and assertive.  He is more than capable of handling himself.  I just don’t feel protective of him because he doesn’t need protecting.  Other subs do inspire that protective feeling.  But it has to happen organically, with someone who just speaks to that part of me.  I can’t force it when I don’t feel it.

Although, again, this is where my mood comes into play.  Sometimes, I’m just going to be that strict, severe, unyielding Dominatrix, regardless of who I’m with.  Sometimes I’ll be more gentle.  Sometimes I’ll be nurturing.

I don’t go out and search for a little boy (or girl), or a pet, or prey, or anything like that, so I guess I wouldn’t be considered a Mommy, Pet Owner, Hunter, or anything else.  But there have been times that I’ve taken on those roles, and they’ve been amazing.

I’m a Sadist, as well, but that is again something that depends on my mood and the person I’m with.  Of course, there are times when, regardless of who I’m with and what their tolerance to pain is, my inner sadist is going to come out, and the sub unlucky enough to be within reach is just going to have to deal.  But for the most part, I learn very quickly where my subs’ tolerance to pain lies, and don’t really push past that.  I have yet to play with someone with a masochistic streak to rival my sadistic one, so I actually have no idea how far my sadism goes, and what my own limits are in regards to inflicting pain.  It’s definitely on my bucket list to find out, though.

More fun with semantics

So I’ve talked about semantics, and how there are as many definitions as there are members in the BDSM community.  It’s sparked countless debates, and countless arguments.  I always thought those arguments were petty, so I never really paid much attention to labels and the supposed differences between a sub and a slave, or a Domme or a Mistress. Continue reading

Reality as a Domme

There are two areas of life in particular that I want an equal partner, not a sub. Those are work/finances, and family/raising kids. The decision to have kazander work while I stay home with the baby was one we came to together, after a lot of negotiating and communication. And I wouldn’t have wanted it any other way. I refuse to meddle with family and work.

So yesterday, when I was granted a brief reprieve by the gods of porcelain I had worshipped all that morning and the previous night, I asked him to come home from work early and take care of the kid so I could wallow in my misery. I didn’t demand it of him. And if he had said no, then I would have dealt with it and not been angry with him.

Luckily, his boss is also a mom, and understood completely. He was able to come home after making sure the guys working underneath him had everything they needed to finish what needed to be done that day, and I was given relief from parental duties.

There are some in the D/s community who find my relationship with kazander odd, mostly because they find out that I do ALL housework in my home. Kazander has not had to lift a finger to clean something since Monkey was born. To this day, he still hasn’t changed a diaper. So many people find it strange that, as the Dominant in a D/s relationship, I do all of the housework. Some have even gone as far as to say I’m not a real Dominant because I don’t make him clean the kitchen wearing nothing but a thong and a ball gag.

Fortunately for myself, I’ve never really cared about what other people think. Other people tend to be stupid. I’ve got a relationship dynamic that serves me and kazander both. I get what I want, and kazander is kept satisfied as well (unless I decide deliberately not to satisfy him, of course).

A New Day

So I’ve been living with my fiance/slave (I’ll call him kazander) for a few years now, and have recently decided that I’m going to cuckold him. He is less enthused about the idea than I am, but he doesn’t really have a choice.

Too bad for him.

I’ve already found a potential bull, and that’s exciting. I’ll call him Spooky. I’ve met him once for coffee, and had a great time. He’s bigger and much more skilled in bed than kazander is. Just because kazander sucks in bed doesn’t mean I should have to suffer. I deserve good sex, and if kazander can’t satisfy that urge, then I’ll find someone who will.

So hopefully this new bull works out, and we’ll be able to add a whole new dynamic to our relationship. The idea of humiliating kazander in that way is really hot. I can’t wait to see the look on his face as he’s watching me have sex with another man. And down the line, I fully expect kazander to participate in any way I decide, up to and including sucking the bull’s dick and bending over for him.

Exciting!