And part 2

For years, forced bi was a hard limit for Kazander.

Then the idea of cuckolding was introduced.  And at first, it was never thought of as something we’d actually do.  It was just something we talked about for fun.  With that in mind, Kazander felt more comfortable getting into the fantasy of it when we were playing.

Humiliation is his biggest kink, so humiliating him by telling him that I’d never let his cock enter me again, that I would find a real man to fuck me, and make him watch, became one of his favorite things.

Eventually that escalated to me humiliating him by telling him I wanted to make him suck cock, and then to humiliating him by telling him that I would make him get fucked by a man, to know what it feels like to be fucked by a real man.

But of course, we both knew that this was just fantasy.  Hard limits and all.  I don’t fuck with those.

But what he didn’t realize at the time was that, by talking about it in the “heat of the moment,” to turn him on, I was actually conditioning him to actually want it.

Now again, this was a hard limit, so I didn’t initiate that.  That was his choice, he was the one who told me he was comfortable with it.  I, being the sweet, innocent, obliging person that I am, took that and ran with it.

As I am occasionally wont to do.

Fast forward…. Oh I dunno… 4-ish years, maybe?

Forced bi became a soft limit.  Something he was willing to do for me, but reluctant as fuck about it.  That’s the way he was the first time Sounder sucked his dick.  He was really almost at a freak-out level leading up to that, and it took every bit of the control and influence I have over him to keep him calm-ish.

But he discovered that night that maybe he didn’t hate it as much as he thought he would.  Oh, he still didn’t like it, that’s for fucking sure, but he realized it wasn’t really worth the anxiety he felt leading up to it, and sure, he’d be willing to do it again.

I’m serious, y’all.  It is exhausting being right all the time.

So good, that’s something I can work with.  And ever since then, I’ve been subtly working on him, training and conditioning him to becoming a man who would not only be eager to have his dick sucked by Sounder, but would take on a Top-ish role with him, and help me humiliate him.

Basic behavioral modification.  Super easy stuff.  Something I learned working with autistic kids, and it works just as well on grown men.  Kazander never even knew I was doing it.

So this time, there would be no reluctance, no hesitation, he would be perfectly willing to grab Sounder by his hair and force his cock into his mouth.  He even had a couple ideas of his own to humiliate him.

And in that respect, he’s actually meaner than I am.  Like, I had to hold him back on a couple things, to ensure we wouldn’t give Sounder a heart attack.

Fast forward to this past weekend.  After spending the first part of the afternoon feminizing Sounder, I was ready for Kazander to arrive and do his part.

Kazander got there, and we spent a few minutes chatting.  I asked him what he thought of Sounder’s appearance, and he said, “Very pretty.  Turn her around, I want to see her ass.”

Which, of course, I was delighted to do.  I turned Sounder around and pulled his dress up, exposing his black, lacy panties.  And then of course, I told Sounder to turn back around so Kazander could see the front.

It was an awesome night.  We went into the bedroom, and I pushed Sounder to his knees and stuffed Kazander’s cock in his mouth.  Both Kazander and I humiliated him while he sucked, and I got some lovely pictures and a great video.

And I feel it’s important to point out the fact that Sounder was rock hard and dripping during that.

But as hot as that was (and dude, it was fucking hot), the absolute hottest part of the night actually happened before.

I wanted to sit on the couch.  We all sat down, with Kazander and Sounder on either side of me.

For a moment, Kazander and I just talked about how feminine and pretty Sounder was, and when I mentioned Sounder’s growing breasts, he didn’t hesitate at all in reaching across me to grab one.

Then, Kazander turned to Sounder and said, “I want to see you in something sexy.  Go take off the dress and put on some lingerie.”

Sounder got up and asked me which he should wear (he has a collection of sexy, feminine lingerie).  I told him to surprise us, and he turned to obey.  When he came back, he was wearing a sexy, lacy little number that I love seeing on him.

Which was awesome, because it matched his panties.

I told him I wanted him to lie across Kazander’s and my laps.  We adjusted our position, and then he did as he was told, with his head on Kazander’s side, and his feet on mine.  I pulled his panties down, moved my leg so he couldn’t brace his weight on his knees, and spread his ass, exposing that tight little hole I love abusing.

“Look at her pussy,” I said.

“Looks nice and tight,” Kazander said, grabbing a handful of Sounder’s ass.

“It is,” I replied, getting a finger wet and pushing it inside him.  He gasped and moaned softly as I fingered him.  It was so hot.  “You should feel,” I told Kazander.

The only hesitation in him that night came at that moment, when I told him to put a finger in Sounder.  But all it took was a smile from me and a hand over his, and I guided his finger where I wanted it.

And then Kazander was fingering Sounder’s ass.  And really, once he got it in, the hesitation disappeared again, and he was right back to where I wanted him to be.  We started comparing Sounder’s ass to his girlfriend’s, wondering which would be tighter.  I pulled Sounder’s cock out from under him and started teasing it.

He looked so cute, sprawled across our laps like that, half naked, with his panties around his ankles and a man’s finger inside him. And Kazander was so damn hot, getting into his role with enthusiasm and being every bit as mean and degrading to Sounder as I was.

That was the hottest part of an incredibly hot day, and I cannot wait to do it again.

King of the castle

I’m a heterosexual submissive woman who has always been simultaneously turned off and fascinated by submissive men, and I was hoping you could maybe shed some light on them, and why you’re attracted to them.

For me, I’m turned on when I see a man in all his glory, strong, powerful, and in control.  It’s so hot knowing that he has that strength in him.

And it feels so secure knowing that he has everything.  That he can handle everything.  All I need to do is trust him and do what he says and everything will be alright.

I’m a strong woman.  I love the quote “Don’t look for a princess in need of saving.  Look for a queen willing to fight by your side.”  I could never take a weak man seriously.  I need a strong man.  It takes a King to rule me.  Nothing less.

I couldn’t imagine a relationship with a man who isn’t capable of handling me.

But I’ve talked to a couple of submissive men and I’m wondering if maybe I’m way off base here and there’s like this whole element I’m missing.  Am I missing anything here?

What is it about submissive men that you find attractive?  Why do you prefer them over a good Dominant man?

Haven’t you ever just wanted to relax and let someone else take the lead?

No.

No I have not.

I’m guessing you’re a new-ish reader.  Welcome to the blog, and thank you for writing.

But I have to ask…  Did you happen to notice those tabs there on the left?  At the top of the side bar?

Does no one read anymore?

You want to know what I love about submissive men?  That link is a good start.

As turned off as you are by submissive men, multiply that by a few thousand and you’ll begin to hold a candle to a fraction of how I feel about most Dominant men.

They don’t just turn me off.  They literally repulse me.  Whenever a guy starts to get all “Domly” with me, it makes my skin crawl.  Even thinking about it makes me cringe.

Sounder once described a conversation with a Dom douchebag, who told him,”The king gets to fuck the queen, and all you get to do is lie at her feet.”

His response was, “Any weak, self-absorbed asshole can fuck someone.  But to protect and serve a queen requires actual strength and fortitude.”

Now, don’t get me wrong.  You’re into Dominant men.  What turns me off to them probably turns you on.  You and I are apparently on complete opposite sides of the spectrum.

And that’s fine.  That’s the kind of man you want, that’s the kind of relationship you want, and more power to you.  It’s all about what makes you happy.  You seem to know what makes you happy, and that’s a good thing.

But you’ll have to forgive me for raising an eyebrow or two as I read this.

First of all, regarding weak men.  There is nothing wrong with weak men.  Not everyone can be a hero.  Not everyone has that strength of spirit.  I have loved my fair share of weak men, and there’s just something so guileless and trusting and vulnerable in the way they love.  It’s unique to them, and they have their place.  They’re beautiful, their weakness is beautiful.

But I know you don’t think all submissive men are weak (or that all weak men are submissive.  I can list a terrifying number of weak “Doms”).

You’re a submissive and you claim you’re a strong person.  I believe you.  My reasons for believing you, despite the fact that I don’t know you, bear a post of their own, but for now, we’ll just simplify it and say I fully believe you are a strong person.

If you’re a submissive, and a strong person, why would you think that wouldn’t be true for a submissive man?

Have you read any of my posts describing my subs?  They’re the strongest people I’ve ever met.  The things they’ve endured, the things they’ve been through, the way they’ve come out the other side, stronger and harder, is awe-inspiring.  All three of them have impressed and astounded me.  They’re absolutely incredible, and I consider myself lucky to own them.

You talk about kings.  My subs are the kings in my world.  But they do not rule me.  I rule them.

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My world is like chess.  The king doesn’t hold the power; the queen does.  The game is won or lost by her decisions.  The king lives or dies by her choices.  She leads the army, she charges into battle, and she fiercely protects her king.

She’s brutal.  And manipulative.  And relentless.  No one questions her.  No one challenges her.

That’s my world.  And it takes a strong man to handle me, to handle what I put them through, what I make them endure.  I’m not gentle with my boys.  And there have been many who simply couldn’t handle what I wanted.

Kazander, Steel, and Sounder are strong men who can handle me, can handle being owned by me and can handle being in a relationship with me.

That asshat Dom claimed he was a king, but he was just a little boy who wanted to boss someone around.  And sadly, there are a great number of pricks like him.  I could never respect a man like that.  I could never take him seriously.

I love Sounder’s response to him.  But that Dom wasn’t a king.  Sounder is.  He deserves every bit of the respect I feel for him.  He has the strength and fortitude it takes to serve selflessly, to put someone else’s wants and needs before his own.

It’s like a conversation I had with Steel recently, about why I wasn’t actively looking to have penetrative PIV sex.  Because anyone can fuck.  But it takes a special kind of man to give me what I want, who can meet my depravity with eagerness, who can willingly follow me down that dark, twisted path.

Anyone can hold a woman down and fuck her.  Dominant men and the people who like them are fine, and have every right to have what they want, have the relationship they want.  But to me, there’s just nothing special about a Dominant man.  They’re a dime a dozen.  And I’ve only ever met one I could respect.

Submissive men are special.  They’re incredible.  They’re admirable and wonderful, and I could fill page after page with words about how much I love them.

My subs are the kings of my world, and they have the strength and fortitude necessary to serve me selflessly and follow me wholeheartedly.

Don’t touch me

I like to cuddle just as much as the next person.  I love lying in bed with Kazander resting his head on my shoulder, his arms and legs wrapped around me.  I love sitting on the couch with Sounder and pulling him close.  I love when Steel curls up in my lap.

It feels awesome, and I love it.

But there is one thing I love decidedly more than cuddling.  And that is sleeping.

Cuddle all you want.  But when I’m ready to roll over and go to sleep, get the fuck off me and stay on your side of the bed.

Like seriously.  Stay there.  Sleep time and cuddle time do not overlap.

I’ve been told I can be downright mean in the middle of the night if someone comes up behind me to spoon while I’m asleep.

Which, by the way, I don’t remember doing.  But multiple partners have told me that over the years, who have never met or spoken to each other, so I assume it’s true.  And I have gotten better about that.  Now, for whatever reason (maybe I’m just more aware of it) it’ll wake me up, and I’ll make sure I’m nice.

When Kazander has done that, I’ll wake up, put my hand over his, and let him spoon until I get hot or uncomfortable, then I’ll wake up again, push him off me, and go back to sleep.  No meanness.

Also, waking me up in the morning can often require a hostage-negotiator level of tact and diplomacy.  Although again, I’ve gotten better.  I don’t throw my phone at whoever is trying to wake me up anymore usually.

It’s part of my neuroses.  I like my sleep. And I am the polar opposite of a morning person.  I once lamented to Sounder that I had to wake up at the ass-crack of dawn for something (ie, 8 am).

I like my sleep.  And I like my space when I sleep.

Kazander has taken that a step further.  Over the last few months, he’s started to sleep on the couch in the living room.

He’s not there every night, but definitely most.  He maybe only sleeps in bed with me once a week or so.

And I love this arrangement.  Particularly since, regardless of how big the bed is, he likes to sleep on-fucking-top of me.

It’s sweet, and I can’t be mad at him for wanting to be close, but ugh, get off me.

The couch thing didn’t start because of an argument or anything.  We can blame it on the spawn, actually.  She’s not a morning person, either (which makes me sublimely happy), but she does have the habit of coming into our room at 4 or 5 in the morning, wanting to watch TV or some water or whateverthefuckelse a 4-year-old can think of, and falling back asleep either in our bed or in her bean bag chair.

I can wake up, put on Peppa Pig (which I’m convinced was created by angry child-haters bent on getting back at all the people who reproduced.  Like, a bunch of people sat in a room and said, “All these fucking obnoxious kids are everywhere.  We hate them.  How can we get revenge on those stupid assholes who created them?  What is the absolute worst thing we could do to torture them for making all these fucking kids?”  And the answer to that was Peppa Pig.  I’m serious, it’s fucking brutal.  You cannot convince me that show was created under any other circumstances).

What was I talking about?

So I can wake up, get her whatever she needs, and fall immediately back to sleep.  Kazander cannot.  When she comes in at 3am and wakes us up, he can’t get back to sleep.  He’s up for the rest of the night.

So he took to sleeping on the couch, she leaves him alone, he gets a full night’s sleep, and I get the bed to myself and don’t have a 10,000 degree blanket wanting to get all up on me in the middle of the night.

Everyone wins.

And with nights like tonight, it’s actually kind of hot.

We were getting ready for bed, I was standing in the bedroom next to the bed, plugging my phone in, when he came up to hug me.  I smacked his ass, and when he tried his typical move of pushing me off balance so I fall onto the bed, I responded by hip-tossing him onto the bed instead  (which, due to a recent shoulder injury, is a move I’m hugely regretting right now.  Not my brightest moment.  But he wasn’t expecting it, and his reaction was hot, so it was worth it).

I held his arms down and bit his nipples and his ear, grinning when he gasped and squirmed.

Really, he squirms so pretty.

Funny how a knee placed strategically between his legs quiets that squirming, though.

He tried to adjust my grip or move my hand or something, I don’t know, so I let go of one wrist to roughly shove his head to the side and bite his neck, while rubbing his dick with my knee.

“You’re my bitch,” I whispered, gripping his balls hard enough to make him moan.

“Yes, Mistress.”

“Say it.”

“I’m your bitch.”

“Good boy.  Now get the fuck off my bed.  Hurry up, or you’ll end up sleeping in a kennel in the closet.”

He whined once, then got off the bed, dropped to his knees, and kissed my ass like the good bitch he is before going back out to the living room for the night.

Punishment in the day-to-day

Domina Jen,

I’ve never been all that interested in D/s outside of the bedroom.  I guess you’d say I’m a bottom, rather than a sub.  But one of the biggest issues I have with a 24/7 D/s relationship, and the biggest reason I think it doesn’t work in the long run, is this idea of punishment.

You talk about respecting your subs, but how can you respect someone when you punish them?  Isn’t that treating them like children?  How does punishment and the ability to punish a sub for their mistakes fit into a healthy relationship?

Anonymous

Well…

First of all, define “long run.”  Because I have a 6-year-long relationship and two year-ish-long relationships that say you’re full of shit, bro.  Just because it may not work for you doesn’t mean it doesn’t work.

And I have to laugh whenever people claim that punishment only exists in D/s relationships.  Because it’s absolutely not true.

I’m going to quote Steel here.  You can see a sub’s point of view on it.  Now he’s never been punished by me, but this is not his first D/s relationship, and he’s familiar with the practice.

Anyone who’s suffered through a lengthy drive in silence can attest to the fact that punishments exist in conventional relationships. However, behavior is coded in faux-egalitarianism and therefore erratic and often arbitrary. In contrast, those living in a lifestyle BDSM relationship usually have an explicit binary of power and specific rules which, if broken, lead to a submissive being punished.

Punishment is not an exclusively D/s thing.  Regulated punishment is an exclusively D/s thing.

D/s relationships don’t just work, they work better (in my experience) than vanilla ones, because, in no small part, of those blue sentences up there.

In a D/s relationship, expectations are hammered out in agonizing detail, rules are set and agreed upon, and the dynamic is given quite a bit more attention than in your average conventional relationship.  Partners are expected to talk about their needs/wants/desires/fantasies, sexual or otherwise.  The level of communication required for a successful D/s relationship far surpasses that for a vanilla one.

There are things I know about the men I’ve owned for a year or less that my friends don’t know about the husbands they’ve been married to for a decade or more.  And when you suggest they talk to their husbands, the answer is always the same.  They’re too nervous or scared to say what they want.  They don’t feel comfortable talking about sex.  It’s too taboo.

So when you have a relationship where neither partner feels comfortable enough to talk, how can expectations be hashed out with any degree of clarity?  And when one partner falls short of those unspoken expectations, there’s no telling what kind of behavior that will cause.

In my relationships, if a sub falls short of my expectations, they know exactly what will happen.  I may be angry, sure, or disappointed.  But there won’t be any cold shoulders, pouting, foot-stomping, or passive-aggressive remarks.

There will be a single punishment, with a clear beginning and a clear end, and then life goes on.  There’s no need to bring it up again in two weeks or two months or two years down the line.  And there’s no need for them to continue beating themselves up for a mistake.  It’s handled, it’s over, and we both move on with no fighting or arguing.

Sometimes, of course, a discussion needs to be had about what caused the behavior, and if there are any adjustments that should be made to the relationship.

But if there’s a problem with the dynamic, or if a need isn’t being met, then fuck yes I’m going to punish them for acting out instead of talking to me about it long before it got to that point.  I’m not an unreasonable person, and my subs are not children.  They have a voice.  And they’ve been with me long enough to know that I expect them to tell me when there’s a problem, and that they can expect me to listen patiently, and with compassion and understanding.

If I don’t know something’s wrong, I can’t fix it.  And I take no responsibility for failing to fix a problem I didn’t know existed.  They’re grown-ass men, and I expect them to have the balls to talk to me like an adult instead of acting out like children.  Fuck yes, I will punish them for that 100% of the time.

Still, they have a voice, even in punishment.  Not a loud one, but again, I’m not unreasonable.  If there’s something wrong in a relationship, my goal is to find out what it is and fix it.  But they know what I expect of them.

Now it’s important to note that I have expectations I need to meet, too.  Every Dominant does.  And my subs know that they can always talk to me about those expectations.  I don’t pretend to be perfect.  I know I’m going to fuck up at some point.

Should I fall short of those expectations, do they have the power to punish me?  Hell no.  And should there be a lengthy drive in silence, cold shoulders, or passive aggressive remarks, I know how to remind them of their place and get to the root of the problem.

So no, they cannot punish me.  They aren’t even given the opportunity to do it by more “conventional” methods.  Is that unfair?  Perhaps, but it goes right back to the very first lesson my mentor taught me.

A submissive gives up control for freedom.  A Dominant gives up freedom for control.  I don’t have the freedom to lose my temper or get petty or do any of that bullshit.  I’ve always got to be aware of that.

Do I fuck up sometimes?  Sure.  But I expect my boys to tell me when it happens and help me get back on track.

I actually fucked up just recently, with Kazander.  We’ve been dealing with a shitload of problems with his family (and depending how things go when his parents get home, we might actually be in the market for a new place to live, it’s gotten that fucking bad) and up until recently, I’ve been handling it all.

Weeks of that wears a person down, and I’ll admit, I’d been grouchy all that evening.  And I was unintentionally taking it out on Kazander, snapping at him for no real reason.  Finally, he said:

“I know you’re stressed.  But remember, you’re pissed at them, not at me.”

I immediately realized what I’d been doing.  “Fuck, you’re right.  I’m sorry.”

And things went back to normal after that.  I realized that I was falling short of my expectations of myself, and I was falling short of Kazander’s expectations of me.  And he deserves better than that.  All three of my boys deserve better than that.

Had he been the one snapping at me, I would have spanked him or done some other punishment.  He doesn’t have the power to do that to me, and he never will.

Is that unfair?  Yes, I suppose so.  But a D/s dynamic is an inherently unfair one.  I call the shots.  He doesn’t.  Steel doesn’t.  Sounder doesn’t.  No man or woman I ever own will.

That’s why my relationships work.

Nightmare

What do most people do when they wake up from a nightmare?

They might shake it off, grab some water, do something to get their mind off it, then go back to bed.

Which is exactly what I did last night. But I wanted some help getting my mind off of it.

After lying back down in bed, Kazander rolled over, onto his back, resting his head in the crook of my arm, his hand on my thigh, still half asleep.

So I tightened my arm around his neck, choking him. And the way he squirmed and whimpered was so sweet. He writhed next to me on the bed, gripping my arm until I finally let him go, and he lied there, panting.

I spent a few minutes choking him, pinching his nipples, and hurting him. It was fun, but I didn’t wake him up to hurt him.

I grabbed a handful of his hair and shoved him down the bed, between my legs, where I held him there and grinded against his tongue, making him lick me to an orgasm.

Apparently I was a little rough with him. I woke up this morning feeling sore and bruised. When I told him about he, he told me I cut his lip by grinding so hard against him.

Oh well. At least I slept well after that.

The players

Since I’m all about the nicknames, and anonymity, and all that, I don’t use anyone’s real name here except my own.  But a couple of people have mentioned being confused at all the different people in my life, and the different people I write about.  So, since I’m just super organized and all (stop laughing), I figured I’d list them here.  This is every single person that has been named on my blog (I think, I might have forgotten one or two, but I’ll add to this as needed, so it’s fine).

Kazander:

My husband, my collared sub, and the father of my daughter.  He has some switchy tendencies, and is currently a Dom to his girlfriend.  He’s a tall, loud, intense guy, and many are surprised to find out what our dynamic is.  A lifestyle acquaintance once asked me what I call him; my Sir, my Daddy, etc.  I laughed and said, “I call him my bitch.”  I had known her for four years at the time.  He’s very intense, and I’m very laid-back, so sometimes people are surprised.  He’s a Sagittarius/Capricorn cusp, so he has the Capricorn intensity with the Sagittarius fire and force.  My best friend once said he intimidated the hell out of her.

He’s in charge of every other aspect of his life.  He runs his warehouse, he’s the driving force with his friends, and he’s the head of his family’s household (his parents, his uncle, his older sister, and her husband all live in the house next door).  He runs their finances and makes the big decisions.  His sisters defer to him, despite the fact that he’s the youngest of the three (and he’s 6 years older than I am).  Even his parents defer to him.

As strong-willed as he is, he can sometimes be a handful as a submissive, but when he melts and yields so completely to me, it’s the sweetest drug.  I love bringing that strong, powerful man to his knees.

We’ve been together since 2010, and were married late in 2014.  Our first year was a rough one, but he has that Capricorn loyalty and stubbornness to offset my rebelliousness and unpredictability, and we made it through the worst without losing each other.

Spawn/Monkey/Kid/etc:

My daughter, a precocious, independent, smart-ass 4-year-old who really is too smart for her own good.  She is your typical fiery Leo and she’s quick to let you know that she expects your world to revolve around her (being the only grandchild for both sets of grandparents, and spoiled out of her mind, doesn’t help).

She is about three minutes away from me duct-taping her mouth shut whenever I take her in public because she has the uncanny ability to say the worst thing (with no context) at the worst possible moment.

For example, her newest obsession is Spider Man.  He’s her new imaginary friend.  And I cannot convince her that there is a difference between a boy that is a friend and a boyfriend.  So the other day, when the cashier asked her how she was doing, she randomly blurted out, “My boyfriend sleeps in bed with me at night.”  And this is a very, very common practice.

As much as she tries to give me gray hair, though, I adore her, I think she’s fucking awesome, and I will gladly bore you to death bragging about her.

Steel

My second collared submissive, 15 years older than I am, a quiet, introverted Capricorn who lives much, much farther away from me than I’d like him to be.  Personal things have kept him off the blog until recently, and personal obligations are keeping us separated for the time being, but that will change soon.

While he good-naturedly chuckles and rolls his eyes at my obsession with astrology/spirituality/religion/fate/whatever, and patiently tolerates when I prattle on about it, there was just too much in the beginning of our relationship to call a coincidence.  Too many things fell into place at exactly the right time, too much went exactly the way we needed it to, it was like the entire Universe aligned to bring us into each other’s lives at exactly the right time, and then to bring us together exactly when it was supposed to happen.

We both broke quite a few of our personal rules by getting together, we both went completely out of character (he’s normally reserved, cautious, and slow to make emotional decisions, and I’m normally stand-offish, cold, and unwilling to let my emotions show) by getting as emotionally attached as we did, as quickly as we did.

He has an incredible gift with words, he’s delightfully smart-assy, and deliciously slutty.  Greedy, hungry, and just as insatiable as I am, we discovered early on that we have both been limited in the past by partners who never dared to go as deep, as dark, as twisted, as we wanted to go.  Now we don’t have that limitation, and I love exploring the depths of my depravity with him.

Sounder:

My newest submissive, a fantastic mix of sweet and sarcastic, a driven Capricorn 10 years older than I am.  He’s a hell of a lot of fun to hang out with, and to do wicked things to.  His mind is as much fun to play with as his body, and the fact that it’s normally damn near impossible to rattle him makes it even more fun to pull him off-balance.

He never does anything half-assed, and his submission to me is no exception.  I’ve often been surprised at his devotion to his service.  It takes a lot to impress me, but he’s done it quite often, both as my submissive and as a vanilla man.

I’m looking forward to seeing where our relationship goes, and how things progress.  I plan on pushing him farther than he’s ever been pushed before, in pretty much every aspect of kink.  He’s still learning just how more wicked I can be, and just how much deeper I can go.

Southern:

One of my pets, a Taurus 26 years older than I am.  I don’t mean a pet in the sense of a puppy or pony or any of that.  But I have a few pets scattered all over the place, and he’s one of them.  I met him when I was a ProDomme living in Alabama.  And he was one of the very, very few reasons I was slightly bummed to come back to Vegas.

Luckily, he travels to Vegas at least once a year, so I have an opportunity to see him when he’s in town, and I always look forward to that.  Seeing him is always amazing, and he’s a lot of fun to be with, whether we’re just hanging out at the mall, or whether I’m putting things inside him and making him squirm.

We have a lot in common outside of kink, so our conversations range from sex to music to work, to really anything, and they last for hours.

Sadie:

A Domme friend of mine, the only person I’ve ever met with a sadistic streak to rival my own.  She taught me how to do needle play, sutures, and staples, and she’s just an awesome person all the way around.

She and her husband host play parties twice a month, and it’s a great opportunity to hang out with other people in the lifestyle, make new friends, and just have fun.

Kiki:

Another Domme friend, and one of the leaders of the Domme group we used to run in town.  She’s always fun to hang around with.

Mal:

Sadie’s husband, and the only male Dom living that I like.  He’s quite knowledgeable in D/s, and has a sadistic streak of his own.  He taught me fireplay, and I do enjoy talking to him and hanging out with him.

Sonic:

One of Sadie’s play partners, and the one who volunteered to be my guinea pig when Sadie taught me needle play.  We went to high school together and were both active in theater.  He’s dating a vanilla woman, and is currently unable to participate in play, but he’s still a lot of fun to talk to.

Pet:

A teenage switch under my protection.  He’s absolutely adorable, a lot of fun to hang out with, and a lot of fun to hurt.  He’s homosexual, and panromantic, and a sweet masochist that makes the cutest sounds when he’s in pain.  He was the first boy I set on fire.  Now, I’m training him to be a Dom.

Puppy:

Kazander’s girlfriend and submissive.

The Body:

My ex-boyfriend, an attractive, well-endowed man with no social skills.  He has no tact, and was always unintentionally condescending and rude.  And the constant nagging and hounding to get in my pants, and the whining when he wasn’t the center of my world got old fast.

Sissy:

One of my old play partners, a sweet boy five years younger than I am, with a fantastic sense of humor and a big heart.  He really went above and beyond my expectations time and time again, and went out of his way to serve me.

He had some pretty significant personal shit go down that would’ve messed with anyone pretty badly.  He’s an Aquarius, like me, and I know that when I’m upset, I want to be left alone.  So when he pulled away, I gave him his space.  If he decides to reach out again, I’ll of course be there for him, but I won’t push him.

Zane:

Another old play partner.  He started to feel uncomfortable with the poly aspect, so it didn’t work out.

The Virgin:

An old play partner, the youngest, at 20 years old.  He’s the first male to ever touch Kazander, but the bi element I wanted in the relationship was something he wasn’t comfortable with.

The Nerd:

An old play partner, brand new to the scene, adorable and nervous and shy.  He was also ultimately uncomfortable with the bi element.

Ash:

An old play partner, that I’ve actually known longer than I’ve known Kazander.  But he has proven himself to be a flake, and wanted a degree of micromanagement that I just am not interested in.

Chevy:

A good friend, who shares my love of Tarot, astrology, and all that fun stuff.  His ex boyfriend, Ford, asked me to carry a child for the two of them.  It didn’t work out, and thank God, because Ford went off the deep end shortly after.

Ford:

Chevy’s ex boyfriend.  They had been together for 12 years, and Ford asked me to carry a child for the two of them.  It ultimately didn’t happen, and a few months later, Ford broke up with Chevy, completely out of the blue, and broke off contact with a lot of his friends.  He got ultra Christian, and ultra Republican, and I don’t really talk to him anymore.

B:

My first serious boyfriend.  I started dating him just after I graduated high school.  He was my best friend’s dad.  I was 18, he was 44, and we dated for a year.  He pulled me out of the dark place I was in at that point and brought me back to life.

Eddie:

My mentor, the man who introduced me to this life.  He was a bisexual leather Daddy, a member of an Old Guard House, and very much into the leather and Old Guard subculture.  I met him shortly after joining an online BDSM chatroom when I was 16.  He was in his forties, and became my first real love (although we were never romantically or physically involved, because I was underage).

He began informally training me in the Old Guard protocol.  I never officially joined an Old Guard House, a) because of my age, b) because to join an Old Guard House, all members must start out as submissive, and c) the Old Guard culture was basically dead at that point, anyway.

We used his wife or my boyfriends as guinea pigs, and he taught me much over the course of the next three years.  Then, he and his wife moved away, and while we were always fond of each other, we sort of drifted apart.  He passed away when I was 23.

Mine

I’m not a jealous person.  It’s not my nature.  That, and it kind of runs counterproductive to the whole polyamory thing.

In fact, jealousy does more than turn me off.  It pisses me off, and nothing short of a long list of recent sexual assaults can turn me off to someone quicker than finding out they’re jealous or way too possessive.  I’ve dealt with a jealous spouse before.  I’ll never get into a relationship like that again.

And I don’t understand people who are okay with it.  One of Kazander’s friends has a girlfriend who gets jealous if he comments on one of my Facebook pictures.

Are you serious?

Because somehow, just because I’m female, I must be trying to steal her boyfriend.  And just ewww.  Because while he may be hot, he’s homophobic, he has no sense of humor, and I’m 84% sure he’s on steroids.

Girl, he’s all yours.  Trust me on that.

So jealousy isn’t my thing.

However

I’m human.  I’m not perfect, and I’m not immune to those occasional (short-lived) spikes of jealousy.

And there’s nothing wrong with those little spikes.  As Steel said, “Who wants to be owned but not valued?”

As long as they stay those occasional little spikes, and don’t turn into full-on jealousy, it’s fine.  Even flattering.

I’ve felt them before.  And it’s expected, really.  My boys are awesome.  Of course other people notice.  Of course other people entertain fantasies about them.

The first time I felt that stab of jealousy with one of my boys was when I found out that Kazander’s boss has a crush on him.  Although again, it didn’t last long.  And her feelings for him actually worked out to our advantage in a huge way.

Hell, I even felt it when Chevy mentioned that he had a crush on Kazander (particularly when he wears those loose gym shorts during the summer… For all the crap I give Kazander with small-penis humiliation, he’s not small.  Chevy noticed).  And I’ve actively worked to make that happen.  Because it’s hot.

I haven’t experienced it with Sounder yet, but I’m sure I will.  He’s fucking hot, he’s smart as hell, and he’s got a fantastically sarcastic, dry sense of humor (his humor is a big part of what initially got my attention in the first place).  I have no doubt that at least one woman he interacts with on a regular basis fantasizes about him.  Although, the things the average vanilla woman may fantasize about doing with him are…. very different than the things I do with him.

Like how I fucked him with a big dildo and tied his hands above his head and clipped like a hundred (I may be exaggerating slightly) clothespins on his dick and balls last night.  I’m pretty sure the average vanilla woman’s mind doesn’t go there when she imagines him without his clothes on.

Just recently, I felt it with Steel.

And again, it was expected.  I’m actually surprised that it took this long to happen.  I’ve been with Steel damn near a year, now.

And he’s sexy, he’s got the most expressive eyes I’ve ever seen, he’s one of the smartest people I’ve ever met, and he’s funny as hell.

He also looks damn good sprawled across me while I finger him, or up on all fours while I spank him and fuck him, or curled up in my lap while I absently play with his collar and watch TV.

Or straddling me, his arms wrapped around me, clinging to me, his face buried against my neck, gasping and whimpering while I tease and hurt him, shoving my precum-soaked fingers into his mouth when the constant stream of slutty begging goes from being adorable to being annoying, pinning him down and grinning as he whines while I milk him…

What was I talking about?

So it’s not surprising that another Domme took notice.  And it’s not surprising that she has repeatedly expressed her attraction to him, despite knowing that he’s owned and collared.

Of course she’s attracted to him.  Who wouldn’t be?

Of course she imagines using him.  He’s an insatiable, greedy bitch with a goddamn sexy mind.

Of course she sees in him everything that made me fall for him in the first place.  This doesn’t come as a surprise.  I’d be surprised if she’s the only one.

And no, it doesn’t make me jealous.  Because at the end of the day, he’s loyal, he’s faithful, he loves me, and he’s mine.