The good bottle or the bad bottle?

I love games. Don’t you love games?

I totally love games.

I might have thought of a new game. Figuring out logistics will take some work, but it’s possible.

So Sounder is going to be fucked by Kazander. This we all know.

I was talking to Sounder about that today, specifically about how much of an eager sissy cockwhore he is with me, and how much he dreads being fucked by a man.

What, Jen? What would be awesome?

I’m glad you asked.

Okay, so Sounder has never had a real cock in him. He has no idea what that feels like. He doesn’t really know what to expect.

So here’s what I’m thinking. I’ll tie his wrists to his ankles and lay him on his side.

Like this, except with rope and on his side

And I’ll blindfold him, so he can’t see anything.

Then, either Kazander or I will come up behind him and enter him, careful not to touch him except for the cock.

And then, once one of us is inside him, he’ll have to guess who it is.

We’ll have to be careful, though.

Because if he feels a strap-on harness or bare skin, he’ll know who’s in him. He also knows my touch, so if one of us grabs or touches him, he’ll know.

I’ll have to use a new dildo, too. One right about the same size as Kazander’s cock, that Sounder has never seen. Preferably one of the ones that are supposed to feel realistic.

With him tied up like that, we should be able to get almost all the way in him without touching him.

Hopefully. And that’s where I wonder if it might not be feasible. There’s such a tiny margin of error. If he feels or senses or hears anything else, it’ll tip him off.

But if it goes right…

All he’ll have to go on is the cock inside of him.

If he guesses right, we’ll spitroast him, with me fucking his pussy and Kazander fucking his mouth.

If he guesses wrong, we’ll switch. Kazander will fuck his pussy and I’ll fuck his mouth.

And of course, I love the idea of Kazander being the one in him, and then when he makes his guess, I’ll take the blindfold off, and he’ll look up to see if he guessed right.

And he’ll look up to meet the eyes of the man whose cock is inside him right at that moment. Not only will he realize that a man’s cock is penetrating him for the very first time, but he’ll look up and meet Kazander’s eyes, as he feels his cock filling him up.

Whether or not he guesses right, that could be a fun moment.

Of course, if he guesses right, that means Kazander will pull out of him and start fucking his mouth. So he won’t have to be fucked by a man, but he’ll still be facefucked by one, and he’ll still have to swallow his load, and he’ll get to experience ass to mouth for the very first time.

But then again, that may be too easy. Sounder is very much aware of my love of a good mindfuck. And putting Kazander in him is definitely something I would do, just to fuck with him.

So he would likely expect that.

And besides, it would also be amazing if I’m the one in him, and he guesses wrong, and realizes that he could’ve had me fucking him, and instead he gets to deepthroat my cock (which was just in his pussy) while a man fucks him.

But he may expect that, too. Because putting Kazander in him is the obvious choice. He knows I’m not going to go for the obvious choice, so he may expect that it’ll be me in him.

In which case I’ll definitely need to put Kazander in him.

Really, it’s less about trying to determine what’s inside of him by the way it feels, and more about what he thinks I’m going to do.

It’s like that riddle in Sherlock and Princess Bride.

Did I put my cock in him, or Kazander’s?

“Did I give you the good bottle or the bad bottle?”

You know, except no one dies, and we spitroast a sissy.

How many times will I go back and forth before settling on the answer? What do I think he’ll expect me to do? What does he think I’ll expect him to guess?

Like I said, I don’t actually know if it can be done, but if it can, you’d better believe that’s what I’m going to do, and it’ll be so much fun!

Discreet play

One effect of having a kid is that you have to learn to be creative with play.  I can’t make Kazander strip down to his panties and lead him around by his collar while she’s around, and since she’s as much of a night owl as I am (it’s currently 11:30 at night, and she just came back out to ask about a book she was reading.  She’s showing exactly zero signs of tiredness), it can be even more difficult to squeeze some quality playtime in there.

So we’ve learned to improvise.  We’ve learned how to be discreet and opportunistic.

And I figured I’d put together a list of things we’ve done, ideas we’ve had, in case anyone else has experienced this same problem.  I’ll undoubtedly come back and add more to it as time goes on.  If you have any other ideas for discreet play, let me know in the comments!

  • I do the cleaning at home, and one of my favorite things is to put Kazander in chastity, then wear some nice lingerie (my kid has seen me naked, in my underwear, and in lingerie so much, that it’s not out of the ordinary for her to see it) and “accidentally” drop something right in front of him while he’s sitting on the couch.  Teasing him and making him give my ass a quick kiss while I’m wiping down the coffee table is a great way to remind him of his place in the relationship.
  • Make him wear lacy panties.  The more over-the-top feminine, the better.
  • Never underestimate the power of a butt plug.  Especially one that’s remote-controlled.
  • If you’re sitting on opposite ends of the couch, stretch your foot out and use his cock as a footrest, occasionally wiggling your foot or adjusting so he doesn’t get too used to it.
  • Make him draw you a bath or make you some tea or coffee.  Something small and easy, just enough to remind him that he’s your bitch and does what you tell him.
  • If he needs a bigger reminder, send him to Walmart to buy himself a pair of panties.  Only a pair of panties, and he cannot use the self checkout.
  • Alternatively, send him to an adult bookstore to get something embarrassing.  I like the Titan Men Anal Stretcher, but any prostate massager, or anything insertable with a picture of a man on the box will work, too.
  • A shibari harness under his clothes is another good way to provide a constant reminder of his position.  You can find a tutorial for a basic shibari harness here, with my sexy sissy posing for me.  It’s simple enough that it won’t be seen under a T-shirt, but you can reach out and grab the rope through the shirt, and have a little bit of fun with him.
  • Movie theaters and restaurants are great places for the occasional grope or pinch.  If you’re in an empty movie theater, make him edge once during the movie.
  • While he’s taking a shower, go into the bathroom and make him masturbate while you watch.
  • Make him give you a footrub, or teach him how to give pedicures and make him give you one regularly.
  • Back rubs and neck rubs are great, too.
  • Come up behind him while he’s cooking, doing dishes, making coffee, etc, and wrap your arms around his waist, grabbing his cock and squeezing just a bit.  Just enough to make him flinch.  Then walk away like nothing happened.

“My husband asked me to put him in chastity. Help!”

Okay, first of all, relax.  Take a breath.

Your husband isn’t a pervert, he isn’t a freak.  He’s not sick.

He’s also not the only one.

In fact, of the top 10 search terms that lead people to this blog, numbers 4, 6, and 7 are all about male chastity specifically.  This is more common than you think.

But, for all the wonders that the internet brings to our lives, it can also be overwhelming, and most of what you will find online is porn that may or may not be a tad off-putting to someone unfamiliar with the fetish.  Of the advice out there, most is geared toward the husband, or geared toward a woman who already wants it.

And, yeah, I’m guilty of that, too.

If you google “My husband wants me to put him in chastity,” you’ll get something that looks a little like this:

Screenshot (3)

A Yahoo Answers thread, a Reddit thread, a blog post that reads suspiciously like fiction (although I could very well be wrong, I’m sure as hell in no place to judge the content of someone else’s blog), and my post detailing a strategy for a gung-ho wife and reluctant husband.

But what, really, is out there for an unsure, inexperienced, or reluctant wife?  When your husband approaches you with something like this, something you might not have even ever heard of, the internet can sometimes do more harm than good.

So what to do?

Again, relax.  There’s nothing wrong with him for wanting it, and there’s nothing wrong with you for being unsure.

For as progressive as we like to pretend we are, we’re really not a very sex-positive species.  Even within close, intimate marriages, talking about sex can be taboo, uncomfortable, or awkward.  And when sexual desires fall outside the realm of what we assume to be mainstream, that gets even more uncomfortable.

So take a minute and give yourself permission to feel uncomfortable.  It’s overwhelming.  It’s different from everything you know.  It’s okay to be a little freaked out.

But at the same time, there is something you must understand, regardless of what happens from here on out.

I was a professional Dominatrix.  I’ve also been a professional keyholder and a financial Dominatrix.  Which are all just fancy words for men paying me to engage in various BDSM-related activities with them.

And would you like to know what 90% of my clientele consisted of?

Married men.

Why?  Lots of reasons, and we’ll avoid getting into that here, this will already be long enough.  The point is that coming to you with this took a lot of courage on his part, a lot of trust in you, and a lot of hope that this wouldn’t blow up in his face.  This isn’t something all women are open to, it’s not something all women are accepting of, and many men suffer in silence, or they pay professionals.

He hoped that maybe, just maybe, you might be open to it.  Or at least wouldn’t think any less of him as a man or as your husband.

Imagine if you had a fantasy that many might call “depraved” (…and, just between us girls, you know you do).  Imagine telling him about it, asking him to help you make that fantasy a reality.

What if he judges you?  What if he rejects you?  What if he tells his friends?  Your friends?  God, what if your family finds out?  What if he’s freaked out, or disgusted, or can never look at you the same way again?

Pretty scary to think about, right?  Men are conditioned not to show emotion, but that doesn’t mean they don’t feel it.  That fear, that insecurity, that’s what he felt when he brought this to you.  This is something that he likely wrestled with for months, at the very least.

So take a moment to appreciate the fact that he told you.  Regardless of whether this is something you actually want to do, recognize what it took to bring this to you.  It wasn’t easy, and it’s a pretty strong indicator of how deeply he feels for you.

Also, keep in mind that, as you’re reading this, he’s likely swimming in anxiety, waiting to see what your thoughts are, what you’ll think of this fetish, what you’ll think of him.

So maybe take a quick moment to reassure him that you’re not going to run screaming into the night (… because, just between us, you know you’re not).  And that you’re not going to leave him, or think less of him.  It’ll put his mind at ease while you try to figure out what the hell it is he’s asking you to do.

But that brings us back to the problem at hand: What the hell are you supposed to do?

Chastity, for the newbies out there, is the act of putting a device on the penis, preventing touch and sexual pleasure. The device is locked on, and you, as his wife, would hold the key, and therefore control when (or if) he is allowed sexual pleasure.

There are plenty of blogs run by men in chastity, and I’ll share links to a few down at the bottom of this post.

There are, unfortunately, fewer blogs run by women who put their husbands in chastity full-time (I put my husband in chastity, but it’s on a more part-time basis, and I don’t write about it all that often).  But still, reading some of the blogs run by men will help.  It’s not porn (although they do have the occasional steamy recap of the previous night’s activities), and it’s not spruced up and exaggerated.  It’s just a normal guy writing about his daily life in chastity.

Reading these will help you get an idea of what it’s like.  But don’t read them as gospel (and don’t read this post or my writings about chastity as gospel, either).  There are no hard and fast rules for chastity.  It’s what you want, what works for you.

There are tons of benefits to putting your husband in chastity, and a couple of cons.  So let’s go through them.


  • Your sex life will improve
    • “But wait, he’ll be locked up, probably for extended periods of time.  How would that improve our sex life?”  I know, it seems counterintuitive, but trust me, there will be a drastic improvement, and I’ll get to that in a bit.
  • Your bond with improve, and strengthen
    • This is an interesting phenomenon that starts with the physical and erotic, but then moves deeper.  By holding the key to his chastity cage, you control when he can access that part of his body.  You become the sole source of his sexual gratification.  He looks exclusively to you for that pleasure.  It will become habit-forming, and he’ll begin looking to you in other areas of life, as well.  It’ll open up a part of him that he’s never had opened up before.  He won’t become emotionally dependent on you, per se, but he’ll definitely show more vulnerability, and won’t feel the need to hide behind that veil of stoicism that so many men hold up as their mask.
  • Doing something “taboo,” or “forbidden,” is exciting
    • Regardless of how old you are, there’s nothing quite like doing something “naughty” to make you feel like a couple of teenagers.  I still occasionally have that feeling, and I’m 32.  I wrote about one time in particular here on the blog.  You feel young, you feel energetic, you feel legitimately excited and enthusiastic.  It adds a new level of fun to your sex life.
  • He’ll become a better husband
    • This one is a bit harder to quantify, but it’s pretty damn consistent with everyone I’ve ever known, who has put their husband in chastity.  He starts thinking about you more, and differently, than he did.  How this manifests depends on your husband and your relationship.  He may start leaving quick, romantic notes for you in the mornings before he goes to work.  He may start doing more little things around the house.  He may bring you flowers on a random Tuesday.  If you’re busy or sick, he may stop on his way home and pick up your favorite carry-out, so you don’t have to cook.  The level of thoughtfulness increases.  And all husbands want to be able to make their wives happy, but far fewer really understand how to do that.  I’d say his level of understanding regarding your needs and desires increases.  He’ll be more in tune with you, and more confident in his ability to make you happy.
  • You’ll become a better wife
    • Of course, we must remember that, even though you hold all the control, this is still a relationship.  He has needs and desires of his own, and it’s your responsibility to make sure he’s happy within the relationship.  But when he starts doing those things I mentioned before, when he feels more in tune with what you want and what you’re feeling, you won’t be able to help but reciprocate.  You’ll find yourself wanting to go the extra mile for him, and for your relationship.  And, because he’ll be much more open with you, you’ll have a much better understanding of how to do that.
  • It will improve your communication with each other
    • As I said, talking about sex and fantasies is hard.  It’s awkward, and that level of communication doesn’t come naturally to us.  But by talking through it and working through the awkwardness, you’ll learn how to talk through other uncomfortable subjects, as well.

The most obvious thing at first will be the sex.  Pretty much all guys, when they think of sex, or any sexual activity, have their focus centered on their cocks.  Orgasm is the goal.

Of course, he wants to please you, as well, I’m not implying that he’s not a generous lover, but all of his sexual energy revolves around one place.  It’s the center of his focus.

Removing his ability to access that part of his body will not diminish his sexual energy, or his libido.  But it’ll change his focus. It’ll remove his penis from the equation, unless you specifically decide to add it.

With him in chastity, he’ll need your permission to orgasm, to touch himself, even to get hard.  And it’s likely that he’ll be extremely motivated to please you, however he can, so that you’ll give that permission.  It starts with a sort-of-selfish desire, but as time goes on, he’ll genuinely equate your sexual pleasure with his own.  He’ll genuinely want to please you, even if his penis remains locked up.

Sex won’t be just about his cock, anymore.  He may give you oral sex, or, if you want to be penetrated, but do not want to let him out of the cage, he could use a strap-on.  Sex will be about you.

Which may sound selfish, and this is something a lot of women struggle with.  It seems really selfish to make him give you oral, to satisfy you, but not get any satisfaction of his own.  It may be uncomfortable at first.

But the denial is part of the fetish.  He wants to be denied that pleasure.  It will be supremely frustrating for him, but there’s a switch that gets flipped in his mind, that turns his frustration into something positive.

I have trouble explaining exactly what that switch is, exactly what happens in his mind.  For that, you’ll definitely be better off reading things written by men in chastity.  They’ll be able to explain it better than I could.  But denying him physical pleasure is an integral part of this fetish.

But there are some cons to the fetish, as well, although most of them will affect the wearer, rather than the keyholder.

  • Discomfort
    • Wearing a cage is an adjustment.  He’ll likely be uncomfortable at first.  The cage prevents erection, and as it turns out, when a man’s body attempts to get hard, but is prevented from that by a chastity device, it causes pain.
  • Discretion
    • Most cages designed for long-term wear are created in a way that makes them impossible to detect under clothing.  But even with that, there are certain situations that might be complicated by the cage (urinals in public bathrooms, for example).
  • Hygiene
    • Maintaining hygiene with the cage can be tedious and time-consuming.  This is something you’ll definitely want to keep in mind when choosing a cage, and definitely look through blogs written by men in chastity, to find the pros and cons of specific kinds of cages.  Some are much easier to deal with, hygiene-wise, than others.
  • The way you relate to each other will change
    • Make no mistake, this will change your relationship pretty drastically.  While, in my personal opinion, the changes are all positive, change can still be frightening and uncomfortable.

So I mean, it’s something that requires some thought before just jumping in.

Still, it could be a lot of fun.  Which brings us back to the original question: What the hell do you do?  Is this even something you want to do?

My advice?  Try it out before making any decisions.

The first thing you need to do is buy a chastity cage.  It’s pretty likely your husband may already have one in mind (he may even already own one).  But get it.

And start with just a day.  Make it a day when both of you are free.  No kids, no work, no pressing errands, nothing to do.  Lock the cage on him as soon as you get up in the morning, and tell him that you won’t take the cage off until that night.

Then, just make a game of it.  You could wear your favorite lingerie and strut around the house, teasing him.  You could make him give you oral repeatedly throughout the day.  You could make him give you a massage, or cuddle together on the couch and watch TV, or anything you want.  It’s supposed to be fun.

And at the end of the day, after you’ve had a few good orgasms, you can unlock him and have some mind-blowing sex.

Try that once or twice.  If you like it, try keeping the cage on for longer.  Make him wear it for a full weekend.  Or a week.  And be assertive.  Hold him to the time you agreed on, even if he wants to take it off halfway through (which is entirely possible in the beginning).  Be his boss, embrace the position of power that he wants you to take.

Part of the denial aspect of this fetish is genuinely wanting to be let out, wanting to orgasm, and being legitimately denied that ability.  So don’t be afraid to tell him no if he wants out.  Have fun with that, too.

It’ll likely be very empowering for you, and it’ll bring the two of you closer together.  Even if you’re nervous at first, I definitely recommend giving it a try.

And, as promised, here are some links to blogs written by men in chastity.  They’re all very well-written and informative, and should be able to provide more insight to daily life with a chaste husband.

Denying Thumper

Steeled Snake

Thrill of the Chaste

The Chaste Cyclist

Male Chastity Journal

Going their own way

I got this comment on my Entitlement and Liberation post:

Ok but you completely ignored the underlying issue. Society and laws today favor women in virtually every way. Why do you think so many men are going MGTOW? Its because we’re tired of being taken advantage of and finally decided we’ve had enough. Its becoming clearer and clearer that feminism isn’t about equality but superiority and holding men down. Your own relationships are proof of that because you refuse to have an equal relationship. you have to be the one in charge. Its either your way or the highway. Just goes to show that women only want to take advantage of men.

Okay, MGTOW?  What is that?  Let me do a quick Google search.

… 7 hours later…

Well… Ho… ly… shit.


So MGTOW stands for Men Going Their Own Way, which is a philosophy in which men have sworn off all interaction with women, or romantic relationships with women, or legal relationships with women.  In many cases, this is accompanied by an impressive amount of anger and misogyny.

Like, legitimately impressive.


And like, I can’t even be offended.  You ever get that feeling when someone’s hostility is so extreme, it’s almost cartoonish, and impossible for you to take it personally?  Yeah, it’s like that.

I’m actually a bit confused, though (must be my inferior woman brain).  Because the hostile, angry, bitter MGTOW guys insist that women are inferior in every way, and we only exist to manipulate and take advantage of men.  They’re resentful that women have so much political power, and that so many divorce and family laws favor women.

Right, but if women are inferior, how did we get to a position like this in the first place?  I mean, women are supposedly mindless vagina-holders, and yet we completely took over an entire society, and oppressed and brainwashed entire generations of men?


Some blame “white knights,” or men who defend women in hopes that the women will think favorably of them and have sex with them.

Okay, cool, but the sheer number of white knights would have to be astronomical to enable the kind of power these men say women have.  You’d have to assume a hefty majority of men are white knights, doing the bidding of women who have hypnotized them with their pussies.

So if the majority of men idolize a woman’s vagina to the point that they are incapable of making objective decisions when sex is concerned, and if women discovered this weakness and used it against men, wouldn’t that imply mental superiority?  How could such a cheap, simple form of manipulation be enough to trick a mentally superior being into handing over his power?

And if only a few men are “woke” and have figured out this global manipulation conspiracy, wouldn’t it mean that men, taken as a whole, are too stupid (ie, mentally inferior) to realize they’re being manipulated, and the handful of MGTOW guys are the exception to the rule?

I mean, that just doesn’t make sense to me.

But to be fair, not every MGTOW is a hostile misogynist.  They’ve simply sworn off romantic and/or legal relationships with women, on the basis that women are only interested in a man’s money or social status, and even if she’s not, divorce laws and family laws favor women so heavily, a divorce means that she’s going to get everything.  They also quote the fact that women initiate divorce more often than men do (they like to conveniently miss the parts that explain why that is).

Often, these men have been screwed over and had their lives completely turned upside-down by an ugly divorce, may have lost custody of their children, or been the victim of a gold-digger or hypergamist looking to take advantage of his position.  Having been burned once, they decide to turn away from any sort of relationships, with varying degrees and of hostility and/or misogyny (and some have neither hostility nor misogyny.  They claim that it’s not necessarily women that they’re swearing off, just the laws that favor them).

Which sucks, don’t get me wrong.  I don’t want to trivialize what those men went through in any way.

But sorry, any guy who buys into that MGTOW crap is a complete coward, and really just a weak man.

Why do I think he’s a pathetic loser, you ask?  Well, I’ll tell you.

I’m not even going to address the misogyny, it’s pretty obvious what those guys’ problem is.  A sexist asshole is a sexist asshole.

But the main theme of the MGTOW movement is financial.  These men are frustrated because they’ve lost half (or more) of their wealth, or are forced to pay child support for kids they never get to see, or are forced to pay alimony to a woman who decided she didn’t want to remain married to him.

Cool.  But just real quick buddy, what do you think marriage is?  You think financially supporting her in exchange for sex whenever you want it is a fair trade?  Ever wonder why women initiate 70% of divorces?

You think it’s a coincidence that a slim majority of married women feel oppressed, stifled, or ignored in their marriages?

You’re putting more value on material things than on less tangible contributions, where women tend not to think that way.  You’re used to an old and obsolete view of marriage, where the man is in charge and the woman does what she’s told, and that’s not enough for women anymore.

They want emotional intimacy.  They want to feel valued.  They want to feel like you love them and are just as attracted to them now, that they’re yours, as you did while you were dating.  They feel like they were just a conquest for you.  You were nice and sweet and romantic while you were dating, because you were actively pursuing her.  But now that you’ve caught her, there’s no hunt anymore.  There’s no challenge.  So you end up ignoring her.

And dealing with emotional shit is hard, right?  It’s way easier hanging out with your buddies and tuning her out when she starts to talk.

Here’s a thing:


No, but it’s all about the money, right?  That’s the only viable reason to get married.  And if you make more than your wife does, she should shut up and be grateful that you’re doing that for her, and stop expecting ridiculous things like companionship.  You measure satisfaction by how much shiny crap you give her.  If you give her a lot of shiny shit, she should be completely happy and content forever, regardless of how you actually treat her.

Yeah, that’s healthy.

And your unhealthy obsession with material things continues even after your divorce, in your resentment of having lost half your stuff, while ignoring how unhappy she was and refusing to take responsibility for the fact that you neglected her.  Literally all you care about is the wealth.  You thought you could buy her happiness, you thought fulfillment only comes from a bank account, you ignored her every time she told you she was unhappy, and then you got all shocked when suddenly she resented you for it?

Not cool, bro.  Yeah, I’d divorce your selfish, materialistic, narcissistic ass, too.  I’m not a spiteful person, but fuck with me like that for long enough, and I might just be persuaded to fuck with you right back.

But, to be fair, I do have to concede that some women are, in fact, spiteful, manipulative, gold-digging bitches.  Some women do just want to sit at home and be a trophy wife while their husbands work to support them, and then want to take half of the husband’s shit in the divorce.  Some women do take advantage of our fucked up parental laws, and use them to take his kids away and keep him from seeing them, while spending the child support on her hair or her clothes.  That’s true,  I’ll give you that.

The operative word there, though, is some.

And that brings us to my primary problem with MGTOW:  I immediately respect someone 99% less when they start making broad, sweeping generalizations about a massive group of people based on the actions of a few.

Here, let me try using some MGTOW logic, and see if I can draw some conclusions of my own:

I was raped twice.  Practically every woman I know, or have ever known, has been raped or assaulted, or harassed, or taken advantage of by a man.  Quite a few rich, powerful, famous men are being accused by multiple women of harassment.  I’ve had two different male bosses try to come on to me.  There are thousands upon thousands upon thousands of women coming forward online with their stories about how men have raped, sexually harassed, or sexually taken advantage of them.

That’s a lot of guys.  Way more than “a few,” so I’m totally not basing my opinion of all men on the actions of just “a few.”  With it being such a common occurrence, it becomes clear that the majority of men are either rapists or harbor desires to rape women.  How else do you explain how prevalent it is?

And it doesn’t stop with sex.  Multiple studies have shown that men do not listen and focus when their wife is talking to them to the same degree they listen and focus on other men.  So they obviously don’t care about women as people, and don’t give women’s words the same weight as other men’s.

When women do come forward or talk about how they’ve been raped or taken advantage of, they’re told to “get over it,” and “not all men do that.”  Men are more defensive of other men, that they’ve literally never met, than they are of the women they know and supposedly care about.

Actually, here’s a good way to put it:

Men are more offended by the fact that I am wary of certain individuals, in certain situations, than they are by the fact that a grown man forced himself inside a little girl, threatening to kill her and rape her sister if she screamed, and another grown man snatched a teenager off the sidewalk in her own neighborhood, beat the hell out of her in the back of his van, cut her clothes off, held her down by her hair and fucked her until she bled, and then when he saw the blood on his dick, he facefucked her, telling her that he wouldn’t let her go until she cleaned it off,  then tossed her back out onto the street with her shredded pants still around her ankles and his baby growing inside her (and my favorite bra was ruined, just by the way.  Which doesn’t sound like a big deal, but y’all don’t understand how hard it was to find good bras when I was 17 and a DD.  Torrid wasn’t a thing back then.  Talk about kicking a girl while she’s down)

But you lost your big fancy house and your wife was mean to you.  Yeah, that sounds terrible.  How in the world did you survive such trauma?

Now, just based on the sheer numbers of women who have had similar experiences, the only logical conclusion is that all men harbor these desires to hurt, rape, or oppress women, and all they want is to take advantage of women, and they’ll do whatever it takes to manipulate a woman into a position where they can force themselves on her.  If men had their way, all women would have their vocal chords removed at birth and be nothing but sex slaves.

And I can totally post links with statistics that prove every single point I made.  So you know it’s true.

And because I was completely screwed over (literally) twice, and had my life turned completely upside down by two different men, no one can blame me for deciding to swear off men completely, for the rest of my life.  No one can blame me for choosing to give those two men, and what they did to me, enough personal power that those experiences have a lifelong effect on me.

Because I am a victim, you see, and I want to continue living life as a victim.  I’m satisfied with that mentality, and see no reason to grow past it.  Those two men haven’t been in my life for more than a decade.  They don’t think about me at all anymore (and one of them is dead), but I have allowed them to have so much power over me, they still influence every decision I make, every opinion I have, every aspect of my life.

And even if I happen to find the rare exception, the rare man who isn’t a rapist, why put myself in a situation like that again?  Why risk having that happen to me a third time?  How can I ever be sure that the guy I decide to date isn’t just pretending to be respectful in an attempt to manipulate me into giving him access to my body?

Nope, it’s better to just swear off men completely and totally isolate myself from half the world, regardless of how impractical that may be.

So what do you think?  Does that sound ridiculous and weak and cowardly and lazy and completely idiotic?  Yeah, I thought so.

Being MGTOW isn’t something to be proud of, dude.  You’re going to let one petty bitch affect you for the rest of your life?  That’s a sign of a victim mentality, and a sign of weakness.

Kinky parents

So I got this email the other day that was truly trollerific.  But it wasn’t even the entertaining kind of trolling that I can post and publicly make fun of.  It was just all a drag.

But he did ask one question and bring up one point that was valid:

Hasnt becoming a parent changed who you are as a Dominatrix?  How can you claim to be in a 24/7 relationship unless your committing child abuse?  So your either a liar or a child abuser.

M’kay, so first of all, *you’re.

Secondly, stop saying “Dominatrix.”  I’m a Dominant.  Yes, I know they’re still technically the same thing, but the mental image conjured by each word is different.

It’s like the difference between “panties” and “underwear.”  They describe the same thing, but the mental image is very different.

And thirdly (and I know I’ve mentioned this before), BDSM is a kink.  It encompasses all the insanely fun and depraved things I love doing to my boys.

I know no one who reads this thinks I’m kinky 24/7.  My sex drive is high, but it’s not that high.

On the other hand, D/s refers specifically to a relationship dynamic.  Meaning it pertains exclusively to the way partners relate to one another and interact with one another within the strictures of their relationship.

In my relationships, I am in charge.  That doesn’t change when my kid is around.  It doesn’t change when the in-laws or friends are around.  It’s not a role I play or a costume I wear, it’s literally who I am and how I relate to people.

And it’s not abnormal in the slightest, just by the way.  Women having power within a relationship is not a new or strange thing.

In my mom’s southern family, the wife is always in charge, and when Grandma speaks, everyone shuts up and listens.

And especially in the Mexican side of my family, no one ever fucks with the matriarch. You never want a Latina bitch mad at you, m’kay.  And when you’re married to one, and you live with her and she knows where you sleep, you do what the fuck you’re told.

I’ve spent enough time with my Mexican cousins.  They never discipline their kids (like, at all), but they damn sure have their husbands well-trained.

The point is that having an unbalanced power dynamic in a relationship is not “new” or “kinky.”  It’s completely mainstream for the woman in any given relationship to have more power within the relationship itself.  My relationships just take that to a slightly higher level.

But there’s this habit a lot of people not in D/s relationships tend to do, and that’s to assume that real life is the same as the Femdom porn videos you see online.

Like, do you honestly think I’m just having nonstop orgies in front of my kid, and that’s all there is to a FemDom relationship?

Uh, no.  It’s a relationship.  It, like all relationships, requires work.  Compromise.  Give and take.  Honest, open communication.

There are bills to pay.  Errands to run.  Groceries to buy.  A house to maintain.  Sometimes shit happens that interferes with my kink life.

Reality is not a porno, y’all.  I don’t make Kazander strip down to his panties and stay on all fours as soon as he gets home from work.  I don’t do anything kinky in front of my kid.

Because she’s six.

And even if she was old enough to mentally handle something like that, just ew.  I can’t think of anything more uncomfortable than my daughter being that knowledgeable about my sex life.

What I do with her father, behind closed doors, is none of anyone’s business, including hers.

But my relationship dynamic?  I don’t hide that, because there’s nothing to hide.  She knows Mommy is the one in charge.  She knows Mommy is the one who makes the decisions, and she knows not to fuck with Mommy.

She also knows that I treat Kazander with respect, and I listen when he speaks.  She knows that love and happiness are not things you have, but things you do.  It takes work.

Creating a submissive mindset

One of the things I’ve been asked most often by inexperienced Dominant women is how to create a submissive headspace in their partner.

And yeah, it can be tough.  Real life and its responsibilities can make things difficult, and put a sub’s headspace far from where it should be.

The best way, in my experience, is to appeal to the sub’s lust and desire, and combine that with surprise and humiliation.  This combination creates a firm reminder of his position in the relationship, and the surprise is to jar his head a bit, to break the hold that the real-world bullshit has on him.

Interestingly enough, I was just talking today about something I’ve done to surprise and alter my boys’ headspace, so I figured I’d do it again tonight.

Kazander’s had a rough couple of weeks at work.  Like, rough enough that he may start looking for a new job.  And rough enough that trying to achieve a submissive headspace when he gets home takes a lot of effort.

There are a number of ways to combat this.  But one of the most effective is one of the simplest.  You can’t do it often, or it’ll lose some of the effectiveness, but when it’s done right, it works wonders.

I told him to text me when he was on his way home from work.  As soon as I got his text, I took the kid next door and left her with the SIL, who had agreed to watch her for a few minutes.

Then I grabbed my strap-on.

I was standing there, with the strap-on harness on and lube in hand, when he walked in the door.

I’ve done this to him before, but not for a long time, so he was sufficiently surprised.  After a long day, it was the last thing he expected.

Without a word, I grabbed his arm and pulled him inside.  I bent him over the back of the couch and reached around to unbutton his pants.

“I don’t know if this is a good idea,” he said.  He’d just gotten home from a long day in a warehouse with no climate control.

But honestly, I don’t care.  So what if it’s a little dirty?  There’s this new invention out, brand spanking new, just hit the market today.

It’s called soap.  And indoor plumbing.

And I felt like objectifying him just then.

“Shut up,” I told him, pulling his jeans down and exposing his ass.  And as soon as I did, his lust took over (I know, it doesn’t take much).  When he felt my hands on his thighs, he moaned softly and pushed his ass out, wanting to be fucked.

Such an eager anal slut.

I didn’t say anything as I started pounding him.  In that moment, he wasn’t a man, he wasn’t a person.  He was just a hole for me to take my enjoyment from, and I wanted to make sure he knew it.

The play didn’t last long.  It didn’t have to.  After I’d had my fill of fucking him, I pulled out, spanked him once, then just walked away and left him there with his pants around his ankles.

He sighed and pulled up his pants, his headspace firmly where I wanted it, the rough day at work forgotten.  After we’d cleaned up, he dropped to his knees behind me and asked to kiss my ass and my feet before we went to get the kid.

All in all, it lasted barely twenty minutes.  And he was in a much more relaxed and submissive state of mind the entire night.  Just twenty minutes, that’s all it took.

It’s so simple, but so effective.

This is Vegas


This might be a strange question given the subject matter you write about. I’m not a sub but I’m here in town on vacation and since you’re a local I was wondering if you could give me some advice. What kind of men do women ask out? I’ve been going to local bars for 1 week straight and got asked out by only 1 hot woman. I’m rich, muscular and usually get admired for looks. What am I missing?

You know, I’ve actually been asked this question quite a few times.  There’s nothing strange about it.  It’s happened often enough that I’ve finally decided to break down and post about it.  Because there’s a whole side of Vegas that you don’t experience unless you’ve lived here awhile.

Okay, so I’ve lived here almost my entire life.  One year was spent in New Mexico, and another year in Alabama.  And there’s something I’ve learned in living in those other places:

Vegas is not like other cities.  Here, there is no shortage of young, wealthy, attractive men.

But first, I’m wondering if there’s an issue with self esteem here.  Why are you waiting for a woman to ask you out?  Why not approach someone you’re interested in?

Many women appreciate someone who is direct, polite, and confident.

I get not wanting to be rejected or come across as a creep, but sulking by yourself in a corner isn’t going to turn anyone on.

Also, it seems like your only focus is on physical attraction; both yours and a potential partner’s.  You talk about being attractive and wealthy like those are your biggest or only strengths as a man.

Dude, this is Vegas.  The entire city is built on wealthy, attractive people.  You’re going to have to do better than that.

Because to be honest, most of the attractive men I’ve met in bars have been entitled tourists still living on Daddy’s credit card and talking incessantly about how hot and rich they are and how everyone just loves them.

And sorry, but that’s boring.  When I go out, I want to have fun.  And looking at a hot guy with the personality of a wet mop is only fun for so long.

Nah, I’ll take the average-looking, middle-aged accountant with a wicked sense of humor ten times out of ten.  Give me a conversation I can get lost in, and you become hotter than Channing Tatum, whether you look like him or Danny DeVito.

Your level of perceived hotness is directly related to how easy it is for me to lose track of time when I talk to you.

Where you’re from, your level of wealth and physical attractiveness are probably something legitimately special.  That’s probably enough to set you apart from other guys.  You probably have your pick of the most attractive women in any given bar.

But not here.  Here, you’re a dime a dozen.  I could literally drive six minutes and get free drinks from three of you.

And in Vegas, there is always someone hotter and richer right around the corner.

Literally.  Porn stars and Hollywood stars and models vacation here just as much as regular people.  The ultra wealthy and the ultra hot come here looking for the same thing you are.  Your income can’t compete with theirs, and you say you’re muscular and attractive, but chances are, you’re no Terry Crews.

Vegas isn’t like your hometown because just being attractive and wealthy are not enough to get anyone’s attention.  You’ve got to have something that sets you apart from all the other guys who look exactly like you.

Don’t be afraid to start a conversation with someone.  Be polite and engaging.  Be interested and interesting.  Learn to rely on more than your wallet and your body.  You’ll probably have more luck.