You are getting sleepy…

1

Very, very sleepy…

Hypnosis has always been a casual interest of mine.  I mean, with as obsessed as I am with psychology, of course I’m at least somewhat interested in hypnosis.

… As a therapeutic tool, done by a licensed professional.

That stage stuff is bullshit, of course.  And I’ve seen FemDom hypnotists who claimed to be able to control the minds of their subs.

That stuff, I was never all that interested in.  I dabbled in it once or twice, but it never really stuck.

Until, of course, Sounder came along.

We’d tried hypnosis once before… God, I don’t even know how long ago.  I did a Google search, studied it for 10-ish minutes, and then we tried it out.

It didn’t work.  And honestly, I wasn’t surprised.  Anyone who has known Sounder for more than a day could guess that he’s not easy to put in a trance.  I just figured he was one of those people who are impossible to hypnotize, and we left it alone.

But I kinda don’t like not knowing how to do something, or not being able to do something.  For months, it bugged me.

And then it occurred to me: What if he’s not impossible to hypnotize, but it’s just blocked somehow?

When I was in my early twenties, hypnotherapy was recommended to me.  So I went to two different hypnotherapists, and neither of them could get me into a trance.  A friend of mine recommended the woman she saw to help her quit smoking, and spoke the world of her.

So I went to see her (we’ll call her Psylocke).  But the entire appointment, she didn’t even try to hypnotize me.  We just talked.  Same with the second appointment.

I was sitting there thinking, “What gives?”

But she knew what the hell she was doing.  When she finally did hypnotize me, I went under super quick, and ended up being one of the easiest people to hypnotize.

So two professionals said I was impossible to hypnotize, but I wasn’t.  The same could be true for Sounder.

Psylocke and I ended up being friends for a bit, after I stopped being her patient, until she moved away.  So I messaged her on Facebook, asking why I was so hard for the others but easy for her.

She explained that my self control is a very big part of my psyche, and I couldn’t let it go enough to go into trance.  So she needed to get to know me first, so she would know how to convince me to let go of that control.

Well, gee, that doesn’t sound like anyone else I know.

Cool, so I already know Sounder really well.  It was just a matter of using what I know, with what Psylocke knows, to figure out how to get him to let go of his self control.

Back to Google.  This time, slightly more than 10 minutes.

15-ish hours later (I’ve been known to be just a teensy bit obsessive when I’m super focused on something), I had a plan, and a script.  I knew exactly what traits in him to appeal to, how to convince his brain to let go, how to seduce his subconscious into handing over that control.

Because control is my drug, and one way or another, I’m getting my fix.

I was pretty confident.  What I had, what I’d written, should work.  It was something that would appeal to his curiosity, his competitiveness, his perfectionism, his desire to serve and obey me, and his need to be taken, conquered, thoroughly and wholly owned.  If there was any possibility at all for him to be hypnotized, this would do it.

So I was cautiously optimistic when I got to his house.  He lied down on the bed, got comfortable, and I got started.

Half an hour later, I counted him back up and was eager to see if it worked.

Of course I could’ve just asked him.  But there are much more effective ways to get that kind of information.  His mind is hard to read, but his body is a completely different matter, and I can say with absolute certainty that no one knows it better than I do.  That would tell me how well it had worked.

I knelt down beside him on the bed and rolled him onto his side, my hand between his legs, rubbing his p-spot.

It didn’t take him long to start grinding against my hand, moaning softly.

He already squirms like a girl, this isn’t anything new.  But immediately I noticed a difference.  He’s already an eager slut, but that was ramped up to an amazing level.  He squirmed and thrashed under me, he gasped and moaned, he whimpered and whined.

And I quickly discovered something even more amazing, something very, very, very useful to me.

His sluttiness and his hunger completely overtook his mind.  I found myself painting for him a picture of the future, the first time he feels a man’s hand between his legs instead of mine, the first time he is bent over and fucked, hard and fast, from both ends, by a group of men.

It was a very depraved, very dark picture.  I have a very vivid imagination, and made good use of it.

Any other time, hearing things only half as twisted would have made him cringe.  But not this time.  He agreed to it, he yearned for it, he craved it.

It actually became a bit of a game.  I knelt over him, bringing him to orgasm after orgasm after orgasm, getting even more depraved, even more twisted, even more fucked up.  It became a game to see if I would hit on something that would cause that familiar cringe.

I never reached that point, though.  No matter how fucked up I got, no matter how deep I took him, he was right there with me, wanting it.  Every time I said something new, every time I told him a new detail, he’d gasp and moan eagerly, arching his back and desperately humping my hand.

Hell yeah, the hypnosis had an effect.  A totally amazing, awesome effect.

Even more of an effect than I realized, actually.  The next morning, he told me that he was still in that trance-like headspace through the entire session, until we went downstairs.  That, I hadn’t expected.  And I can definitely take advantage of it.

Awesome, so hypnosis works, and I now know how to put him in a sweet, slutty, submissive headspace.  Mindless and agreeable.  Empty and obedient.

It opens up a whole new world of opportunities.  It’s a whole new level of control over him.

The things I can do to him, the triggers I can put in his head…

It’s going to be an obscene amount of fun.

Let’s play a game

I love the things Sounder’s depraved sissy mind comes up with.

He had a dream last week, that he shared with me.  In it, I give him the ability to help decide what I will do to him next time I see him.  I do this by telling him to find me a hot sissy caption each morning.  Each picture is assigned a number of points, and if he meets certain thresholds, he’s able to avoid certain unpleasant things.

Which is a fucking awesome idea, m’kay.  Like seriously.

So of course, this week, I wanted to do it. We started on Monday, and I’m going to see him on Sunday.  He sends me one picture each morning, and each picture is given a score between 1 and 5.

To avoid figging, he must earn 5 points.

10 to avoid ass to mouth.

15 to avoid Kazander Topping him for the entire evening.

20 to avoid being spitroasted.

25 to avoid begging Kazander to fuck him.

And 30 to avoid begging Kazander to be allowed to suck his cock.

The first two pictures he sent me were good, with one earning 3 and the other earning 4.  On Wednesday, the one he sent was really hot, and earned him 5 points.

On Thursday, he went with a different tactic.  Instead of looking for a picture online, he took one of the photos he’d taken for me, and added his own caption to it.

It was beyond hot.  I absolutely loved it.  And I wasn’t expecting it at all.  I broke my own rule, but the reaction he got out of me deserved something extra.  I gave him 6 points.

And that put him up to 18.

That picture shows his face, so it won’t be posted here, but the one he sent this morning is perfectly fine.

And amazing.

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I took the photo last Sunday.  He edited it and wrote the caption, and gave it to me today.

Definitely worth 5 points.  Which puts him up to 23.  And he’s still got two more days, and only needs 7 more points.

Next time we play this game, I’ll have to make it harder.  But isn’t my sissy so creative?

When you live in Vegas…

… What do you do when you want to get away?

I mean, we already live in the tourism capital of the world.  I was born here.  I was raised here.  It’s nothing new to me.  Nothing special.

So Kazander and I were looking at places to do another stay-cation this year.  We considered the Luxor again, but honestly, that place has just gone so far downhill, neither of us wanted to go there again.

Which is sad.  I remember when it first opened, when I was a kid.  I loved that place.  I loved staying there whenever my parents did a stay-cation.  The first time Kazander and I stayed there, I was shocked at how bad it had gotten, but I was still nostalgic.

After the second time, though, even I had to admit that it wasn’t what we wanted.

Where, then, would we go?

He suggested the bustling metropolis of Laughlin (pronounced lof-lin, like in “loft”), NV, population, 8,000.

And I promptly laughed.

But then he said, “Well, they’ve got the river, and a couple of beaches, and jet skis and things.  It could be fun.”

Hmm, that’s actually a good point.

I’d driven through Laughlin a million times, but never actually stopped in the town.  I never gave it much thought.  It was just one more tiny little town in the middle of the desert.  A couple of casinos and a post office.

Big deal.

But the Colorado River is pretty cool, and I haven’t been to any part of the Colorado River since I was a kid.

So I looked it up.  And sure enough, there’s enough other stuff to do there to keep us entertained for a few days.

Who knew?

Hell yeah, actually.  I could definitely go for that.  It’s out in the middle of the desert, which I love, in a nice, climate-controlled room, which I love, literally right on the bank of the river, which I love.

Hell yeah.

So we made the reservations and drove out today.  We’re going back on Sunday.

And it just feels so damn good to get away.

Things are quickly reaching a boiling point with us living so close to his family.  I’ve been wanting to move out for years, but never really pressed the issue, because I don’t work, and that wasn’t fair to him.

Then, in the last year or so, I started pressing.  Because I need to get away from them.  I know myself well enough to know my patterns, and they’ve been pushing me and pushing me.  When I break, there will be no going back.

And his MIL and SIL (Mother-in-law and sister-in-law) have officially gotten me to my breaking point.

I have a friend, who used to be SIL’s friend, until he realized the kind of human being she is.  But she did introduce us, and we hit it off great.

I was hanging out with him the other day when he got close and said, “I have something I need to tell you.”

My curiosity was piqued.  “What is it?”

“SIL has been asking about you and Kazander.”

“What do you mean?”

“Like, she’s been asking if you’re into any kinky or freaky shit.”

At first, I brushed him off.  “She’s done that before.  She’s just bored and nosey.”

But the friend was not so easily assuaged.  “She wants to find dirt on you to take the spawn from you.”

“WHAT???”

“She and MIL want you out of the picture.  They want to find a reason to declare you an unfit mother.”

“She said that?”

“Not in those words, but she might as well have.”

He’s not known for lying or exaggerating, or drama-mongering, so I completely believe him.

“But they’d never want to take her from Kazander,” i protested.

“They think he’ll side with them.”

I started to laugh, then stopped, thinking back to all the times MIL just insisted that Kazander would side with her on different things, or agree with her, or take her (poor) advice, etc.

Yeah, she absolutely would think Kazander would side with her.

Holy fucking hell.

So I got home and told Kazander what was going on.  He was shocked, but dismissive, and that angered me.

And I mean, I could see where he was coming from.  He would never side with them over me, so there’s nothing they would ever be able to do.  They could talk to lawyers if they want, but I have no record, I don’t do drugs, I volunteer with homeless veterans, I’m a total, upstanding citizen and all that jazz.  I mean, there’s not a lot they could use.  They’d have to do some serious digging to find anything remotely close, and he pointed out that they’re not intelligent or creative enough for that.

Okay, so cool, I’m in no immediate danger of losing my child.

That’s not the whole point, though.

Because we are living in an environment where people are conspiring behind my back to take my daughter from me.  Whether or not they can succeed is irrelevant.  I don’t want to be around that, and I don’t want my daughter around that.

That’s toxic.

So I told Kazander, “We need to move.”

He scoffed.  “We’re not going to move.  They can’t do anything.  There’s no point.”

“I don’t care if they can’t do anything.  It’s the fact that they want to do something!”

But he remained dismissive.  Even after I said, “Either we need to move out, or I do.”

So I started looking at options.

I wasn’t going to play tug-of-war with my child.  If they want her so bad that they’re willing to destroy her entire world, then fine.  They can have her.  Losing one parent would devastate her, but if Kazander’s family went through with this, she would either lose both parents (if his MIL and SIL won), or every member of her extended family (if he and I won).

That would hurt her so much more.  God, that would crush her.  I don’t think she could easily recover from that.  It’s been so central to her whole world, her whole existence, ever since she was born.

God… That would… That would just kill her.

I could never let that happen to her.

And I have faith in my daughter.  I have faith in the way I raised her.  I have faith that, even if she’s brought up around those pathetic, terrible, small people, she will know the truth as she gets older.

It was Sounder who suggested another tactic, one that would keep my family together.

So I talked to Kazander again.  I told him I wanted to move out.

He said, “What if I want to stay?”

I shrugged.  “Then you can stay.”

That angered him a bit.  “You’d break up with me over that?”

“Over your family having ridiculous amounts of control over us?  Over you choosing them and that control over me and your daughter?  Yes the fuck I would.”

So we agreed on a six-month trial run.  We’ll get an apartment for six months, and then reassess and decide if living away from them is worth the inconvenience of not having them there.

And of course we won’t be going far.  The family is still so important to the spawn, so we’d absolutely bring her over 2 or 3 times a week to spend time with them, or even spend the night once in awhile.  But she won’t be spending weeks with them anymore.  I told Kazander, in no uncertain terms, that’s coming to an end.

I want to be moved out by the time the spawn starts school.  So I’m looking at apartments and Kazander is talking to his dad about how he’s going to manage the finances without living there.  It can be done.

It will be done.  Because staying there, keeping the status quo, is not an option anymore.

I’m stressed.  All the time.

I’m on edge.  All the time.

I’m short-tempered and irritated.  All the time.

I can’t do this anymore.  And I hated having to give him the ultimatum, but I was literally at a point where it was either that, or I would have to walk away.  I’m not going to live in a place where people conspire to take my family from me.

It’s just not happening.

So due to the financial burden that moving out will be, we decided not to go to Cancun, as we’d planned in October.  We’d need that for moving costs and rent.

But Kazander said, “With us not going, you really just need to get away for a few days.  You need to get out of the house.”

Yeah, I really did.

Okay, so Kazander and I have very different ideas of a perfect vacation accommodation.  I want a nice room.  I want a suite.  I want… not crazy expensive, but definitely not Motel 6.  At least 3 stars.

Kazander hates paying more than he absolutely has to for a room.  He’d do Motel 6’s the entire way.

And I get where he’s coming from.  When we go on vacation, we have a budget.  He’d rather spend the money on activities and cool things to do than the room.  Where I would rather do cheap or free activities and be comfortable in the room.

So we’ve always compromised, and met in the middle.

Not this time.

We’re staying 4 nights, in a casino that has two separate kinds of suites.  The second-tier suite, and the first-tier suites.  He said we could get the top-tier suite.

You guys don’t understand.  He has never agreed to anything even remotely like that, much less offer it himself.  I was blown away.

And I appreciated the hell out of that.  So I looked on the casino’s website, juggled some things around, combined a couple of promo packages, and found something that was $300 cheaper (I’m really, really good at doing that.  I’m good at finding deals when I need to).

We’ll stay the first two nights, tonight and tomorrow, in the second tier suite.  Then, on Friday, we’ll check out of that room and into the top-tier suite, where we’ll spend Friday night and Saturday night.

After him going so far as to give me the best suite in the hotel, I’m more than happy to have the second best for two nights to save him some money.  It’s definitely worth the minor inconvenience of checking out and then checking back in.  And the packages I combined come with some nice benefits and coupons that save us even more money on food and activities.  So all in all, we’re looking at saving about $500.

Hell yeah, I’ll take the second tier suite for that.

So we drove out today, checked in, and walked up to our room.

And the room isn’t bad.  I mean, you have to understand, it’s Laughlin.  This is not Vegas.  This is not even close to Vegas.  The casino resort we’re staying in is, according to what I read, the nicest one in Laughlin.

…… That doesn’t really say much for Laughlin, m’kay.

Without the promo, after taxes and fees, the second tier suite would have cost $5 more than the pyramid suite at the Luxor for the same nights.  And it’s about that quality, just without the big tub that the Luxor suite had.  Or without the 12 years of dust hanging from the air conditioning vent that the Luxor suite had.

I mean, it balances out.

Still, kinda disappointing when you’re under the impression these are the “elite” rooms offered.

But it’s nice, it’s comfortable, we had a fantastic view of the sunset from our room, and the river is beautiful, and brings back so many memories.  We’re going on a river cruise, we’re going to one of the beaches, we’re thinking about renting jet skis, I mean, it’ll be a really awesome stay.

 

Sounder is coming out this weekend, too, to spend some time with us.  And honestly, both Sounder and Kazander are doubtful, but I promise, promise, promise that my reason for wanting him to come out to spend time with us is not to play, but to just hang out.

Kazander and Sounder are complete opposites in a lot of ways, but they’re almost eerily alike in other ways, especially regarding their senses of humor.  I think they’d get along really well.

And my dream is to have all of us live together one day.  Sounder and Kazander will have to spend way more time with each other than the occasional drink at a bar or the occasional cock in Sounder’s mouth to find out if that’s a possibility or not.

These are two very strong personalities, in two very strong men.  It could turn out wonderfully, or it could turn out badly.  I’ve had enough tense roommate situations to know that I don’t want to jump in to one again, without at least an idea of what we can expect and how we can all put in concentrated effort to make it work.

The only way to be able to make any sort of educated prediction about that is to have them spend more time together.

That’s why I want Sounder to come out.  Not to play.

Although, of course, while we’re in the room, I’ll expect him to wear girls’ clothes.  I mean, that’s just a given.  He should be wearing girls’ clothes 24/7 when he’s not in public, anyway.  Obviously he’ll wear it here, too.

And I mean, should the opportunity for play present itself, I won’t stop it.  As I told Sounder earlier today, I will never pass up the opportunity to put a cock inside him.

But even if we do play, that’ll just be a small, short part of the evening.  That’s not going to be the bulk of our interactions while he’s here.  For the most part, it’ll just be chill, seriously just innocent hanging out.

So yeah, y’all…. I am beyond looking forward to the next few days.

And for someone who lives in Vegas, who has done the “Vegas tourist” thing over and over and over again, this is a welcome change.  Hell, this might actually turn out to be my new favorite stay-cation place.  Who knew?

Kazander often has good ideas, but he hit it way out of the park with this one.  That was just sheer fucking brilliance.

Who would’ve guessed, Laughlin?

Past the point of no return

You have come here
In pursuit of your deepest urge
In pursuit of that wish which till now has been silent…
Silent…

I have brought you
That our passions may fuse and merge
In your mind you’ve already succumbed to me
Dropped all defenses, completely succumbed to me
Now you are here with me, no second thoughts
You’ve decided…
Decided…

Past the point of no return
No backward glances
The games we’ve played till now are at an end
Past all thought of if or when
No use resisting
Abandon thought and let the dream descend
What raging fire shall flood the soul?
What rich desire unlocks its door?
What sweet seduction lies before us
Past the point of no return
The final threshold?
What warm, unspoken secrets will we learn
Beyond the point of no return?

M’kay, so my geek was showing there for a second.  But there’s not a whole hell of a lot out there more fitting right now.  Andrew Lloyd Webber knows his shit.

Tonight was fun.  Like, seriously fun.  Like, a million different kinds of fun.

Like, whoa.

So there’s this adorable sissy I own.  And earlier this week, I’d decided that he was going to take a big step forward today.

He was going to suck cock.  No big deal, there.  He’s done it before.  But this time, he was going to finish, and swallow.

Not a huge difference, right?

Heh, heh…

Poor Sounder.  It was a rough week for him.  Yesterday and today were the worst, of course.  I really turned up the fear factor, and gave him quite a bit to think about.

Oh!  And on… Thursday, I think?  While he was at work, he asked, “Did you ship something to me?”

“No, why?”

“I got a delivery notification.  I’m not expecting anything.”

Well, cool.  I didn’t think anything else of it, until later that night, when I asked what had been delivered.

His response was, “Yeah, God or whoever’s in charge definitely likes you more than me.”

I laughed.  “Why do you say that?  What was in the box?”

“Lingerie I ordered 6 months ago, and it never showed up.”

Ooooh, really?

I was intrigued.  Particularly when he was hopeful that it wouldn’t fit.

But, because the entire Universe works tirelessly to accommodate me, I received a text a few minutes later, after he’d tried it on.

“Of course it fits.”

“Is it pretty?”

He didn’t answer with words, but his answer was more than enough.

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Holy shit.

Like, ho-ly shit.

Um, yeah, it’s fucking pretty.

So yay!  He had amazing new lingerie to wear while he swallows cum.  And damn, that is some fucking hot lingerie.

I was even more excited.  I couldn’t wait for Sunday to get here.

So today, Kazander and I pulled up to Sounder’s house and knocked on the door.  He let us in, and I think my whole face lit up when I saw him, dressed up, his hair and makeup done, wearing one of my very favorite pairs of his panties, a pair with no back.

Actually, there’s a picture of him wearing that pair on his blog, along with some other incredibly sexy pictures.  And of course, I have it right here.

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I love these panties on him.  So pretty.

Dude, he was just so damn hot.  I didn’t wait, I barely dropped my purse and my bag on the floor before putting my hands on him, pushing him against the door and groping him.

I turned to Kazander.  “I love these panties on her.  They make her ass look so perky, don’t they?”

“Yeah, they do.  She’s fucking hot.”

And I just have to go on a quick tangent.  Because, while Kazander and I aren’t really “there” sexually with each other, he has become a really kind of amazing partner when it comes to Topping others.

I mean, he’s inexperienced as fuck, of course.  He struggles to find that balance between pushing limits and crossing lines.  As we were talking about how we wanted the night to go, I had to hold him back more than once, and remind him that if we break our toy, we won’t be able to play with her anymore.

But it’s awesome, it really is.  It’s so much better to have to hold someone back than it would be to try and encourage someone who just isn’t into it.

So I was excited, and turned on by how Dominant Kazander was through the whole thing, and how easily he fell into that role.  The two of us, sharing and using Sounder together, is pretty damn amazing, actually.

And Sounder really is such a fun toy to play with.  He was so nervous.  I’d been fucking with his head for days, and I wasn’t gentle.

I wasn’t gentle today, either.  I had him bend over the arm of the couch, his ass exposed and waiting.  Of course we were going to put things in it.

But I was nice, I went with something small (instead of the largest toy I have, which Kazander had wanted to use).  Kazander stood next to me as I eased the vibe into Sounder.

And once it was in, I asked Kazander if we wanted to do the honors.  He said, “Of course,” and took the vibe, fucking Sounder with it.

I stepped to Sounder’s side, putting one hand on the back of his neck and the other on the small of his back, really driving home the fact that it wasn’t my hand fucking him.

Poor Sounder, he was so tense, trying so hard not to enjoy Kazander fucking him.  And for a few minutes, he succeeded.  But then, Kazander and I could hear his soft, occasional moans.

It was so much fun, it was so hot watching Kazander fucking him with the vibe, and watching Sounder enjoy it.

Kazander wanted to fuck him with more than the vibe, though.  He tried pretty hard to convince me to let him fuck Sounder right then and there.  And for half a second, I considered it.

But no, that’s the next step.  I wanted Sounder to taste cum for the first time.  I wanted him to actively make Kazander cum, feel him shoot his load, and consciously swallow it.

Being fucked will, in many ways, be harder for him to handle than sucking cock, but there’s a level of passivity there.  All he’ll have to do is bend over and stay still.  Hell, I could tie him down, even, and take away his choice in the matter.

The end result would still be the same, no matter which hole we used.  Sounder would have a man shoot his load into him.  He’d officially be my sissy cumdumpster.

But with a blowjob, he has to be the one to do it.  He has to make himself my sissy cumdumpster.  He has to make the conscious decision to obey me, to do this thing he really doesn’t want to do, to make me happy.

Sure I could tie him down and let men use him.  And I will.

But not the first time.  Not tonight.  Tonight was going to be all him.

We went upstairs, and I happily showed Kazander the beautiful, pink, lacy sissy bed that Sounder sleeps in.  And then Kazander sat down on that bed, took off his pants, and waited expectantly while I told Sounder to get on his knees.

I pushed Sounder forward, holding Kazander’s half-hard cock and sliding it into Sounder’s warm, wet mouth.  I didn’t even have to push hard, or tell Sounder to open his mouth, like I have in the past.  Sucking cock is starting to come easier to him, I think.

He’s a very good cocksucker.  Kazander didn’t last long.  He came, his cock throbbing as he shot his load into Sounder’s mouth.

And Sounder, the obedient, darling slut, didn’t spill a drop.  I watched him, Kazander’s cock still in his mouth, forcing himself to swallow.  The look on his face was just absolutely precious.

Afterward, Kazander put on his clothes and went out for a cigarette, while I stayed there with Sounder, him on all fours on the floor.

“You’re a cumdumpster now,” I told him, my hand between his legs, rubbing his p-spot.  “And you’re going to cum with the taste of his cum still in your mouth.”

He didn’t take long, either.  I let him up, told him he could change, and that I’d meet him downstairs.  Kazander was ready to leave (we’d taken separate cars because he wanted to get home quickly).

But before he left, I asked him what he thought of Sounder’s mouth.

“It was great.  She’s a talented cocksucker.”

And it was funny.  I said, “You know what we should’ve done?  I should’ve had you cum yesterday.  Or this morning.  So you’d last longer.”

He nodded.  “I was thinking the same thing,” he agreed.  “Oh well, now we know for next time.”

I grinned.  “Thinking about next time already?”

He shrugged.  “I’m never going to turn down a blowjob from a hot slut.”

He left, and Sounder came downstairs, and he and I settled on the couch to watch a movie.  I sat there, my arm around him and my hand around his neck, and he started pushing forward against my hand, wanting me to choke him harder.

At one point, he even took my hand, pressing it harder against his throat.

And for the record, it really doesn’t take much to make me go from normal to turned-the-fuck-on.  Like, not much at all.  Sometimes, all it takes is a hand on mine, and an unspoken request to be handled more roughly.

My hand went between his legs, rubbing his p-spot again.  He spread his legs, leaning back against me, squirming and moaning as I rubbed him to an orgasm.  And then another.  I didn’t stop, I didn’t give him time to rest, I just kept going.

With my other hand, I fondled his breasts, but when I finally pinched his nipple, and heard him gasp, “Yes, please yes,” I intensified everything.  Combining the pleasure and pain, it didn’t take long for him to cum again, pushing hard against me and crying out, still writhing uncontrollably.

I’d never seen him that turned on before.  The way he moved was different, his voice was different, his mannerisms were different.  And it made him bolder.  At one point, he slid off the couch, kneeling at my feet.

“May I?” he asked.

“Of course.”

He bent down, kissing my feet while I ran my fingers up and down his back.  But, while I certainly enjoyed that, I wasn’t done making him cum, and pulled him back up on the couch with me.

I actually lost track of how many times he came.  It was definitely more than five, and it might have been more than ten.  And holy hell, they were intense.  It was so damn hot to watch. His back arched, practically screaming, clinging to me, his legs thrashing as the sensations overwhelmed him.

And I still wasn’t done.  I got off the couch, lying him down flat as I sat beside him, still rubbing his p-spot with one hand, the other around his neck, and now I could choke him even harder.

He came again, one last time, arching his back so high, I was worried he might hurt himself.  But he didn’t, he lied limp on the couch, panting and gasping, still squirming just a little.

“Are you alright?” I asked, grinning.

“I don’t know… I can’t handle it.”

I laughed.  “That’s a good thing.”

I got up to wash my hands.  After a moment, he managed to pull himself to his feet.  I walked up to him, and he wrapped his arms around me.

“That… That was… Just mind-blowing,” he murmured.  “Earth-shattering.”

“I can see that.  Was it enough to make up for earlier?”

“That part actually wasn’t as hard as I thought it would be.”

“Well good, see?  You’re a true born sissy.  It all just comes naturally to you.”

Any other time, he, being that perfect mix of sweet and sarcastic, would’ve had a sarcastic answer to that.  But this time, he barely managed a half-muttered “uh, huh,” before pulling me close again and resting his head on my shoulder.

But he seemed really unsteady on his feet.  “Come on, let’s sit back down.”

We sat back down, I pulled him close and put my arm around him, and he rested his head on my shoulder.  And really, in less than two minutes, I realized he’d fallen asleep.  The poor thing, so worn out, so overwhelmed.

I sat back, resting my head against his, letting him rest while I watched the end of the movie.  Then, I woke him up, and he walked me out.

I think he’ll sleep well tonight.

And when he wakes up in the morning, in his sissy bed, he’ll remember exactly what it felt like to kneel at the edge of it, obediently swallowing cum.  And he’ll know that there’s no coming back from that.  For the rest of his life, he will never not be a sissy cum dumpster.

Past the point of no return
No going back now
Our passion play has now at last begun
Past all thought of right or wrong
One final question
How long should we two wait before we’re one?
When will the blood begin to race
The sleeping bud bursts into bloom?
When will the flames at last consume us?

Past the point of no return
The final threshold
The bridge is crossed, so stand and watch it burn
We’ve passed the point of no return

Someone’s back on pills…

Can you guess who it is?

Go on, take a guess.

It’s Sounder!  He’s back on birth control pills!  Yay!

And just like last time, there have been some wonderful changes in a very short amount of time.

Most notably, his breasts have grown.  Again.

Like, a lot.

Like, it’s getting to the point where they’re pretty damn noticeable even under his clothes.

I mean, they’ve been noticeable under his clothes for awhile, but only if you were looking for it, and only when he moved a certain way.

I remember the first time I noticed was back when he was taking the pills the first time, and we’d gone out for drinks after he got off work.  He was wearing his boy costume, his work clothes, and looked like a man.

But at one point, he turned and stretched a bit, and I saw the curve of his breasts under his shirt.

And goddamn, it was fucking hot.

But literally no one else would ever have noticed that.  I noticed it because I think I can safely assume I’m more familiar with his current body than anyone else alive (other than him, of course), and I notice things like that.  Also because I was aware of the fact that he had breasts, and was looking for little hints of them.

And I mean, they’re not huge.  I couldn’t really notice a difference in looking at him head-on.

But when I touched them, the difference was unreal.

When I first met him, his entire body was hard and muscular.  Two months of the pills before had softened his breasts and added… I don’t know, half an inch or so to his hips, giving him a subtle, feminine curve.  In fact, he’d gained four pounds while he was on them.

There wasn’t much change to his hips tonight, but his tits are growing much faster than I thought they would.

Which is fucking awesome, m’kay.

I grabbed them and was flat-out stunned by the size and softness of them.  A month ago, I could grope him and get about half a handful.

Tonight, I groped him and got more than a handful of sexy sissy tit.

Like, holyfuckingshit, that’s so fucking hot!

He, of course, preferred to pretend that it wasn’t that noticeable.

“Maybe they’re not actually bigger,” he said.

“Well, it’s either that or my hands have shrunk.”

“That’s always possible.”

He’s adorable when he grasps.

But no, they’re growing.  I really noticed the difference when I looked at him from the side.  His stomach, abs, hips, everything is flat.  And once upon a time, his chest was pretty flat, too.

Yeah, that’s not the case anymore.  It’s subtle, but it’s damn sure there.

So he’s going to need to start wearing a bra soon, and not just when he’s dressed in his girl clothes.  I don’t want his tits to start sagging.

I’ll be nice, though.  His work shirts can often be on the thin side, so we’ll stick with plain flesh-colored (or colored to match whatever shirt he’s wearing) sports bras, that won’t be seen through his clothes.

Eventually, if he’s going to keep up the boy facade, we’re going to need those chest binders that ftm trans men wear.

But I’m happy.  If they keep growing like this, he won’t ever need breast enhancements.

And of course, his cock still doesn’t work.  At this point, it’s safe to assume that it probably never will again.

So the only way he can cum is from prostate stimulation.

Which is unbelievably, amazingly, wonderfully awesome.  He’ll never be able to cum like a man again.  He’ll never be able to fuck a woman again.

Yay!

There’s one thing I love even more than the physical changes, though, and that’s the effect it has on his mannerisms, and the way he moves.

It was something completely, wholly unexpected.  Nothing I read about even hinted at this kind of change.  I noticed it before, and was just blown away by it.

I don’t think I’ve ever consciously registered the way men and women move/writhe/squirm/whatever when they’re being teased before.  It wasn’t until that night, watching him writhe as I held the wand to him, that I realized there’s a big fucking difference.  Suddenly, every girlfriend I’ve ever had, every girl I’ve ever played with flashed in my head.  And yes, there are similarities in the way they moved.  And yes, Sounder now moved like that.

He arched his back like a girl, he ground his hips like a girl, he even started whimpering like a girl, the longer I went on.  Over the months that I’ve played with him, I’ve gotten very familiar with his body.  I could tell immediately that he was moving differently.

And hell no, I didn’t expect that.  That’s not a physical change, like breast growth or rounder hips.  That’s a mental, physiological thing.  Nothing I’d read about the effects of the birth control mentioned anything about that.

It wasn’t subtle, either.  At first, I thought for a minute that he was doing it on purpose, to please me.  But the more I teased him, the more I realized that no, this was natural and completely unconscious.  He wasn’t even aware of it.

The only thing I can think of is that the hormones are affecting his brain chemistry in some way.  I mean, no one teaches a girl how to move like that.  It just comes naturally, because she’s a girl.  Maybe his mannerisms are becoming more feminine because of the increased levels of estrogen and decreased levels of testosterone.

Maybe?  I don’t know, it shocked us both.  But I freaking love it.

As obvious as it was back then, it was even more obvious tonight.

We were sitting together on the couch, him naked, watching TV.  He really is so sexy when he’s naked, and I had been playing with Tammi Lynn off and on the entire time we’d been sitting there.

But then, with a subtle thrust of his hips, I was immediately turned on.  I reached down, rubbing his p-spot.

Within minutes, he was gasping and squirming on the couch, his legs spread wide, writhing and moaning.

And once again, I was struck by the difference in the way he moved.  The way he arched his back, the way he thrust his hips, the way he moved his legs, I wish I’d recorded a video of it, so he could see it for himself.

That was my first thought, actually.  It was so hot, the way he moved, my mind immediately went to wanting others to see him move like that.  Writhing in my arms, whimpering so sweetly as his pleasure mounted.

Soon, desperate and hungry to cum, like the slutty sissy he is, he put his hand over mine, wordlessly begging me to bring him to the edge.

And when he came, his back arched, he moaned loudly, his hands clenched into fists, it was so fucking hot.  I wanted to do it again.

So I did.

Yeah, I definitely want to do that to him in the middle of a crowded room, and let everyone watch him move like a girl.

Beyond fucking hot.

Health update, and yay, new pills!

So I saw the oncologist last week, and he ordered like a million blood tests.  One of the tests has already been analyzed and I saw the results.  And there’s good news and bad news.

The bad news is that the numbers make leukemia even more likely.  Like, unless I have some weird, rare, undocumented condition, that’s what it is.  But the good news is that the numbers point to the chronic types, not the acute types. Which is good, because the most common type of leukemia in adults is Acute Myeloid Leukemia.

Which is basically a death sentence.  My age and the fact that I’m otherwise healthy help my odds, but even when people respond well to chemo, reoccurence is more likely than not, and one doctor said that he sees an average of 3 or 4 years between when people are diagnosed and when they pass away.

So that was a a definite worry.  But that’s something you would’ve seen in a complete blood count.  My numbers are high, but they’re not that high.

It’s the difference between, “well that’s concerning,” and, “bitch, you dead.”

Both the chronic types are easier to treat, slower to spread, and have higher survivability.  I can absolutely deal with that.

But now I have to wait another 2 1/2 weeks for the next step.  And I don’t know which tests he ordered, or whether he’ll want to do more blood work, or if we can just skip to the bone marrow biopsy.

Which is what I would prefer, actually.  He said that, because the test is so brutal, he doesn’t like ordering it unless he absolutely has to, and all he had was my basic blood work results, so it’s understandable that he’d want the more detailed test results before going that route.

I’m just hoping he ordered them all, and got them all done at once.  I mean, I have literally never had anyone take that many vials of blood at one time before, so it’s likely he ordered them all, but I won’t know until the results are analyzed and posted.

It’s always the waiting that sucks the most.

But I do have some fun things to keep my mind off of it.  Like the new birth control pills I got for Sounder.

He hadn’t been taking them for awhile.  An interesting side effect we noticed is that he completely lost his ability to jerk off, or cum like a man at all.  The only way he can cum now is through prostate stimulation.

Like being fucked like a bitch.

Which I find amazingly awesome, by the way.

But I was curious to see if it was reversible.  So after his 2-month supply ran out, I wasn’t in a rush to get it refilled.  I wanted to see if Tammi Lynn would regain function.

But it’s been months and months, and nope, he still can’t cum like a man.  So at this point, I’m assuming it’s permanent, and there’s no reason not to put him back on the pills.

So I went to see my gynecologist for a prescription, and to ask for a brand with a higher dose of estrogen.

And that’s where I discovered a bit of a problem.

As it turns out, all the leukemia bullshit interferes with a doctor’s willingness to prescribe hormonal birth control (I knew I shouldn’t have told her, dammit.  I usually don’t tell doctors anything they don’t absolutely need to know.  I broke my own rule and shot myself in the foot).

And it’s not like I could tell her the pills weren’t for me.

So she wouldn’t prescribe it at all.

But

My internist, who is an incredible doctor and easily persuaded, wanted to see me that afternoon for afternoon follow-up from a recent ER visit (I’m fine. It was “stress.”  Because apparently no one told the ER doctor that female hysteria isn’t a thing anymore.  Turns out, it was actually another symptom of, you guessed it, leukemia).

So I convinced him to prescribe the same pills he’d given me before.  It’s a low dose of estrogen, but it’ll work.  And I’m likely going to have to get approval from my oncologist if I want to up the dose.

So the low dose is as good as it gets for now.  But I liked the effects it had on him before, so that’ll work perfectly until I can just flood his system with estrogen.

Because even though the effects so far have been relatively mild, they’re still there, long after he stopped taking the pills.  His tits are still softer, his hips are still rounder, his ass is still perkier.  Putting him back on the pills will likely cause some more awesome (and permanent) changes to his body.

Isn’t that exciting?