About Domina Jen

Who in the actual fuck is Domina Jen?

In a word?


Aside from that, I’m a tattooed, foul-mouthed, emotionally constipated, remarkably twisted, mostly good-natured Dominant woman with a very robust love of myself.  I have many faults.  A lack of self esteem is not one of them.

So here’s what you need to know.

I’m a 35-year-old polyamorous Dominant living with my submissive husband, Kazander, and our 10-year-old daughter.  I have another boy, Sounder, and a couple of pets here and there (you can read more about them in the Cast of Characters).

I live in Las Vegas.  I was born and raised here, tried leaving twice, and ended up coming back both times.  I’m done trying to leave.  I love Vegas.

The only real faults with Nevada are the surprisingly strict obscenity laws prohibiting BDSM (yeah, I’m totally an outlaw), and (because I’m a mother) the fact that we rank dead last in the country for education.  I counter this by homeschooling my kid.  Yes, I’m a stay-at-home mom.

I’m very honest, open, direct, and to the point.  I don’t do subtlety well (sometimes I don’t do tact all that well, either), and I have no patience for mind games.  I say what I mean and I mean what I say.  There is no “reading between the lines” here.

I’m like a ray of fucking sunshine from hell, okay?  Like, I’m dazzling and delightful, but if you’re weak, you won’t survive.

So what’s with this blog?

This blog originally started as a personal journal, a way to chronicle my thoughts and feelings as I navigated through the complicated-as-fuck world of motherhood and marriage with a man who occasionally struggles with his submissiveness (trust me, this isn’t a slam against him. I’m not easy to live with, either).

You see, it’s that emotional constipation thing.  I often have trouble talking about my feelings.  You know, like, in person.  So this started out as an outlet for me to express my psychosis in a neutral and anonymous way.

But then my ego got involved.  As it is occasionally wont to do.

Now, it’s a shameless testament to my self love, as well as (I hope) a place where people can come and ask questions, and/or learn a thing or two.  I will never profess to know everything, or even a fraction of everything, but I’ve been doing this awhile.  I know a good bit about it.

Random weird facts about me

  • I’m a Star Wars fan, and will debate it for hours with anyone within earshot.
  • I do many things well, but not-rambling isn’t one of them.
  • I’m a feminist and an activist for issues that men face, but are largely ignored because they’re men.  Yes, you can be both.
  • I’m an Aquarius.  And for the most part, I’m a pretty typical one.
  • I’m an ENTP.  Pretty typical there, too.
  • I call myself an amateur psychologist.  The way the human mind works is a subject that fascinates me.
  • I never finished college, but majored in anthropology when I went, and wanted to have a double major in anthropology and theology, with a minor in English.
  • Anthropology is still a pretty big hobby of mine.  All four branches completely fascinate me.
  • I love music, and have pretty eclectic tastes.  Some favorite bands are Muse, 3 Doors Down, Disturbed, Slipknot, Backstreet Boys (shut up, don’t judge me), Sublime, Green Day, Halestorm, and Hozier.  I also like Josh Groban, Idina Menzel, Renee Fleming, and Angela Gheorghiu.  My idol is Diana Damrau.
  • I’m an opera-trained soprano, and am pretty decent, if I do say so, myself. Or, I used to be. Vocal nodules severe enough to need surgery kinda messed that up.
  • I can also play flute, piano, and ukulele, and have written a couple of songs.
  • I live in Las Vegas, which is a desert, and I am a pure desert rat.  I love it here, and feel odd and claustrophobic whenever I spend significant amounts of time in other climates.

Of course, no one can expect to gain a clear picture from a 700-word “About Me” page.  I highly recommend browsing through Domina Jen 101 to get some greater insight.

26 thoughts on “About Domina Jen

  1. Domina Jen says:

    Well, this is interesting. But I think you misunderstand where I’m coming from.

    Let me start of by saying, first and foremost, that I CERTAINLY don’t think being a sub is crap. I’ve always had a healthy respect for people who submit, simply because I can’t. It takes a certain strength to give that control to someone else, and I don’t have that strength. So from a certain perspective, you’re right. I don’t have the strength to submit to others. And no, I don’t have a problem at all with Male Doms or Male-led relationships. Those men and women are just as worthy of my respect as the people in Female-Led relationships. They’re different, but equal. And no, Male-Led relationships are not abusive, just as Female-Led relationships are not abusive, as long as all members give their consent in either dynamic.

    Let me reiterate: There is absolutely NOTHING wrong with being a submissive or submitting to others. It’s beautiful, really. Poetic. And there’s no greater gift that someone can give someone else. I also know that kazander (I understand that you’re angry with me, but I’m asking you to please refrain from calling him names. You’re angry at me. Not him. I’m asking you as a fellow human being to keep that in mind if you choose to respond) gives me this incredible gift every day, and there are no words to describe how deeply I appreciate that. And it’s no less beautiful when a woman gives that gift to a male Dom.

    So this post (and my mindset in general) isn’t meant to insult submissives, and ESPECIALLY isn’t meant to insult submissive women or the men they serve. My point is simply that I’m not submissive. Never have been.

    I would equate it to a straight man or woman having sex with a member of the same sex. Being straight doesn’t mean that you hate gay or bisexual people, or that you think they’re not worthy of respect. It’s just not your thing.

    It’s the same with me and submitting. I don’t have a problem with people who submit. It’s just not my personal cup of tea.

    There is a comment you made, though, that I’m wondering if you could explain further. You mentioned superiority, and I’m not sure where that came from. I don’t think of myself as superior to anyone because I’m a Domme. I don’t think of myself as superior to kazander because I’m a Dominant and he’s submissive. I’ve never said that, and I’m wondering where you got that from.

    In fact, in many ways, kazander is probably my superior. The man is fucking brilliant (I’m talking MENSA-level intelligence, here), and he constantly amazes me with his knowledge and his wit. I’m very lucky to have snagged him for myself.

    And no, frankly, I’ve never really thought about experimenting with a Male-Led relationship. I don’t like submitting to anyone but kazander, so that’s never been an interest of mine. And neither he nor I are interested in long-term switching. He prefers being submissive, and I prefer being Dominant. That’s what works for us, that’s what we like, and we don’t feel the need to fix something that’s not broken.

    • The man’s an idiot, Ms. You explained everything there was to explain in a calm and rational manner. You were fair and polite. What else could you said or done. To me; the guy seemed bitter. Perhaps with his own life or, with things of which have occurred in his life which were highly unpleasant or hurtful. Most likely, from a woman, and; therefore hold a great animosity towards women who are secure and confident.

      Overlook him, and those like him. Do your own thing and stay happy.

      By the way; thanks for the add today… I’m looking forward to our discussing many happy days ahead together…..

    • Mistress M says:

      You’re response was wonderful. It is also is wonderful to see another blog that is about a domme in a relationship, and not just blogs by professionals. It is so much more personal then. I also have nothing but respect and admiration for my sub, even if during play I say many degrading things about him being worthless. Those are things he enjoys me saying to him, and I enjoy the pleasure he gets from being degraded. At the end of the day though I see him for the miraculous man he is, and love holding him and telling him he is amazing in my eyes.

      • Domina Jen says:

        Ah, yes… miraculous, that’s the perfect word for it. I’d be lost without my kazander, the delicious, depraved little slut that he is. Thanks for the kind words!

    • jim sedrut says:

      Sensational answer…

    • explorer3000 says:

      I love your mind……

    • explorer3000 says:

      You, my dear have a way with words.. luv your explanations..

  2. writingthebody says:

    Like you, I have no idea what Jeremy means. None whatsoever. And how you make your life with K is up to you guys, and the fact you share it with us is something I love, and actually learn things from. Most of them are about respect.

  3. writingthebody says:

    Funny I had never put a like on here…anyway, I have just reread it….:)

  4. writingthebody says:

    And “liked” it….though I did like it when I read it the first time….

  5. You must had said no to him. that why he acted up.

  6. To be clear, I am not a sub, by any stretch of the imagination. That being said, after reading your experiences, and the way you connect with, and care for your subs, I find myself in the highly unlikely, and out of character position of being somewhat jealous of your subs. Even in your disrespecting them (in play) you show complete respect for their safety, feelings, general wellbeing, and their (often) unfathomable strength to be able to give over total control to any other human being. You are the kind of Dominant I aspire to become. I have the compassion, and I am quickly gaining the understanding of why they do this, but I am still struggling with emotional instability from recent, and distant, but recently remembered, abuse in my own life. I cannot trust myself, or expect to be trusted, with that level of control over another’s safety and wellbeing, until I can get this sorted in my own head. I have the desire, and I have had a taste of that power, and it is extremely intoxicating to me. I have come to crave it. Just to be called “Sir” or, better still, “Daddy” makea my heart leap, and my manhood grow and harden. Now all of THAT being said, I am fairly certain that I would totally let you have your way with me, if presented with opportunity. Again, I have been reading your posts, and I know what that could mean would be happening to me. You both inspire, and fascinate me. That’s all I have to say on the matter, and it is what it is. I look feverishly forward to reading your posts. Keep up the amazing work, Jen, and thank you so much for sharing.

    • Domina Jen says:

      Wow, thank you for this. Your timing couldn’t have been better.

      Yes, I completely adore, respect, and admire my subs. I enjoy humiliating and hurting them, but underneath all the kinks and fetishes, I love them and want to take care of them. I want them to be safe and happy, and comfortable with me.

      It’s intimate, and intense, and incredible.

      You’ve already done more than many Dominants have. You’ve recognized that it’s a precious gift you’re given, that it’s not an easy gift to give, and that it’s a lot of responsibility.

      Recognizing that you’re not ready for that responsibility yet is rare, and I respect the hell out of you for it. It doesn’t happen overnight, but I have no doubt you’ll get there. And when you’re ready, you’ll be a better Dom for it.

      If you have any questions or would like any input, I’d be happy to help you. You’re welcome to email me if you’d like. Otherwise, I hope you continue to enjoy reading, and thank you again for such kind words.

  7. KlusenRud says:

    I sent you a message on Skype about your mother. How is she?

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