To all the men who are NOT submissive

It’s come to my attention, especially over the last couple months, that there is a number of men who read this blog, and are not submissive. Some aren’t even kinky.

If that’s you, and you understand and/or are supportive of submissive men, and don’t try to interject your ridiculous opinions about what a Femdom relationship should be, then great.

Pull up a chair, get comfortable, chat and join in as much as you want. As long as you continue to behave yourself, you’re more than welcome here. I’ve had awesome conversations with a bunch of you, and I like having you here. Hang out, have fun.


There are quite a few men who have commented, emailed, and messaged me, rushing to first say that they’re not submissive, and then launching into these massive, agonizingly boring diatribes about how, because Femdom doesn’t work for them, it can’t work at all.

It’s happening often enough now that I’m just writing an open letter to these men (and I use that term extremely loosely), that I can simply link to, instead of having to type this shit out over and over again.



Please allow me to clarify one tiny, little detail:

You are not submissive. So literally no one gives a shit what you think.

You are not a submissive man.

Which means that (and stay with me, this will get difficult to understand) you are not in any position to speak for submissive men.

Your thoughts on Femdom relationships do not matter.

No one cares.

Your opinion is completely irrelevant.

And honestly, what the hell are you even doing here? Why are you stalking a Femdom blog, with submissive men and Dominant women as the main demographic? Why do you all take the time to write out these fucking novels in my comments, telling me how wrong I am and how much you disapprove?

Why do you think we care?

We don’t care.

I don’t care.

Because, as you all so quickly hasten to tell me, you are not submissive.

Cool. So this is not a place for you.

This is a blog for submissive men.


That is my demographic. That is who I write about and who I write for.

I know, I know. It’s hard being confronted with the fact that the universe does not, in fact, revolve around you, and there actually exist places and things that are meant for people other than you.

But this is one of those things.

Nothing I write is for you. Nothing I say is meant for you. You mean nothing to me.

Your opinions mean nothing to me.

You are not special.

Go somewhere else. This space is for submissive men only. There are enough other spaces for Dominant and/or vanilla men. Go troll those for the attention you so desperately need.

But you have no business here.

If you are not supportive and/or understanding of submissives, and polite and tactful when you disagree or have questions, then fine. I’ll just take your voice away and you can scream all you want into the “Trash” section of my comments.

This is not a democracy.

You comment because I allow you to. You voice your opinion because I decided to give you the ability to do so.

Not a damn thing shows up on this site without my express permission. And just in case you’re new and don’t know this yet:

I am not a nice person.

Pointing this out, as you all like to do, doesn’t have the effect you’re going for.

I actually think it’s kind of funny, how your response when I tell you, in no uncertain terms, what an idiot you are and why your opinion means nothing, is always to say I’m a bitch, or rude, or hateful, or pick-an-adjective.

And you use that as an insult.


I’ll tell you why.

It’s because you expect women to always be civil and polite and friendly and accommodating to you.

So when you’re confronted with a woman who doesn’t do any of that bullshit, your response is to comment on her attitude, using that as a way to justify why you’re right and she’s wrong.

You cannot handle bitchy women who don’t bend over backwards for you.

What a fucking shock.

But still, your opinion does not matter. It will never matter, because I will never be interested in you. I will never choose you over a submissive man.

Because submissive men are not usually threatened by strong, sometimes-bitchy women. They can meet our energy with their own and stand fearlessly by our side without trying to tear us down.

Submissive men don’t feel like their masculinity is attacked by a woman who stands tall. They’re not consumed by a need to knock her down so they can stand taller.

Why the fuck would I ever choose you when I can have that?

Why the fuck would I ever listen to you over a submissive man?

So fuck yeah, I’m a rude, hateful bitch.

That’s not an insult. It’s a title I wear proudly, and every time you call me that, I smile.

Because it means I’m doing something right.

I don’t care what you think of me. When you insult me, I don’t wring my hands, worrying about what you think of me.

I don’t need your approval. So when you disapprove of me or my relationships, I don’t care.

Voicing your disapproval does not have the effect you think it does. Because you don’t matter.

Because I don’t want you.

I have no problem shutting you down or putting you in your place. I don’t care about whether my blog is popular or how many followers I have. So if you can’t behave, I’ll just shut you up.

So I suggest every single one of you children either be on your best behavior if you want permission to speak here, or go somewhere else.

This site is not about you. This site is not for you.

And also…

Unless your name is Terry Crews or Channing Tatum or Jason Mamoa, there is literally a 0% possibility that I will ever be interested in you.

And no, you cannot change me, you cannot change my mind, you cannot convince me to make an exception.

Many boys just like you have tried. Many boys just like you have failed.

No, you are not the exception to the rule. You are not special. Your penis is not magical.

Yes, I mean yours. No, it’s not that big. Nope, all those women faked their orgasms. Yes, I know for sure.

Because I’m a woman, and I’ve been with plenty of boys like you, and we all rush to the phone as soon as you leave, calling our friends to laugh about how awful you are and how obnoxiously arrogant you are, and how funny it is that you’re so deluded. You’re pathetic and sad, and you’re absolutely convinced that you’re a sex god, and we think that’s fucking hilarious.

Literally, gentlemen. We literally laugh at you. Like, a lot.

No, your penis is not magical. You are not what I’ve been missing in my life.

I don’t want to broaden my horizons or shrug off the stress of being Dominant or take refuge in a “real man” or try new things.

I will never. Ever.

Literally ever.

Be interested in you.

There is no chance that I will ever want to do anything with you.

You are not submissive, so I am not interested.

This site is not about you. You are not special.

I know. It’s hard to come to terms with the fact that the world is bigger than your perception, and that other human beings are separate, complete individuals, and not extensions or reflections of you.

But I’m gonna need you to reach deep inside yourself and try to make peace with that, m’kay.

Submissive men are not damsels in distress who need you to do their thinking for them. They don’t need you to swoop in and save them from evil villains like me.

We’ve got this. We’re doing fine. We don’t need your help. We don’t need your input.

Because, and say it with me:

This is not about you.

So you have two choices.

1. Recognize that you are merely a spectator here, and submissive men (not you) are the stars, and show some fucking respect, both to me and to the men I write for.

2. Run away with your tail between your legs, all butthurt because the lady on the internet was mean to you.

Maybe one day, if you really, really work on yourselves, you’ll be half the men my submissives are. I mean, I doubt it, but you can try.

But in the meantime, kindly fuck off, thanks.

15 thoughts on “To all the men who are NOT submissive

  1. fifi says:

    Bravo, Mistress! Bravo!

    With respect and a curtsy, fifi

  2. steve says:

    Domina Jen:

    I had to smile all through your dissertation on non submissive men. Contrary to your comment about being a rude hateful bitch, I believe you to be one very special and amazing Woman. Smart, insightful, self assured, confident and accomplished. You work, you are a mom and a wife and a head of household.

    Your interests run far and wide…and you are gifted at using the written word. And I find you to be a real normal person…ok yes dominant, kinky, and gorgeous of course…but I view you as someone I would meet and know and respect and admire at work, play or in the neighborhood.

    I can’t believe non submissive men actually write to you in volumes to disagree…how utterly arrogant and self inflated these men must be…

    FLR not for everyone, but neither is a male dominated relationship. Being happy fulfilled is what life is about.

    Bravo for your post. Loved every word.

    • Domina Jen says:

      Thank you. I agree, the arrogance is astounding.

      I’m arrogant. I’m really, really arrogant.

      But I’m not *that* arrogant.

  3. Slave kendra says:

    HEAR HEAR. Well said and nothing more needs added. I am a submissive man and proud of it. I used to try to hide it, even tried to deny it to myself, but I am a submissive and love it.
    Slave kendra

    • Domina Jen says:

      Thank you. And all submissive men should be proud. You’re a rare breed, and for those of us who love you, no other man comes close.

  4. Tom Allen says:

    Umm… are you sure that you just never met the right guy who could put you in your place?


    • Domina Jen says:

      Apparently. And if I never hear a “man” say that again, for the rest of my life, it’ll be too soon. Frustrating, annoying, egotistical little children.

  5. Ian says:

    I’m new here, so new I’m still trying to get through all Your “about” links. I’m also very new to Femdom. My Mistress and I are still trying to figure me out.

    But when I read this:

    “They’re not consumed by a need to knock her down so they can stand taller.”

    It occurred to me that perhaps it’s:

    “They’re not consumed by a need to knock her down so they can *look* taller.”

  6. Nicholas Steder says:

    Thank you for sticking up for us men who choose to be submisivve to a trulely dominent woman.

  7. Peter says:

    I’m a male dominant and I enjoy your blog, I don’t believe just because we’re into different things we can not appreciate each other. Didn’t know some people would go out of their way to bother people whom they simply don’t understand or even have met.
    Anyways, very well said. Keep up the good work! and ignore those who are immature and small minded.

    • Domina Jen says:

      I completely agree. We don’t have to be into the same things to appreciate the other’s perspective. Which is why I’ve enjoyed the polite non-submissive followers I’ve spoken to.

      Thank you!

  8. Michael says:

    I just wanted to say thank you for this post and that I love your blog

  9. Marsha C says:

    Dear Domina Jen,

    Thank you. We do love, respect and obey our strong, bold, fearless women. We subs are delighted and honoured to serve our Dommes.

    Best of fortune,

  10. Steve says:

    Domina Jen:

    Arrogance in a dominant Woman is very attractive to a submissive man!

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