Going their own way

I got this comment on my Entitlement and Liberation post:

Ok but you completely ignored the underlying issue. Society and laws today favor women in virtually every way. Why do you think so many men are going MGTOW? Its because we’re tired of being taken advantage of and finally decided we’ve had enough. Its becoming clearer and clearer that feminism isn’t about equality but superiority and holding men down. Your own relationships are proof of that because you refuse to have an equal relationship. you have to be the one in charge. Its either your way or the highway. Just goes to show that women only want to take advantage of men.

Okay, MGTOW?  What is that?  Let me do a quick Google search.

… 7 hours later…

Well… Ho… ly… shit.

hairless-rabbit

So MGTOW stands for Men Going Their Own Way, which is a philosophy in which men have sworn off all interaction with women, or romantic relationships with women, or legal relationships with women.  In many cases, this is accompanied by an impressive amount of anger and misogyny.

Like, legitimately impressive.

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And like, I can’t even be offended.  You ever get that feeling when someone’s hostility is so extreme, it’s almost cartoonish, and impossible for you to take it personally?  Yeah, it’s like that.

I’m actually a bit confused, though (must be my inferior woman brain).  Because the hostile, angry, bitter MGTOW guys insist that women are inferior in every way, and we only exist to manipulate and take advantage of men.  They’re resentful that women have so much political power, and that so many divorce and family laws favor women.

Right, but if women are inferior, how did we get to a position like this in the first place?  I mean, women are supposedly mindless vagina-holders, and yet we completely took over an entire society, and oppressed and brainwashed entire generations of men?

How?

Some blame “white knights,” or men who defend women in hopes that the women will think favorably of them and have sex with them.

Okay, cool, but the sheer number of white knights would have to be astronomical to enable the kind of power these men say women have.  You’d have to assume a hefty majority of men are white knights, doing the bidding of women who have hypnotized them with their pussies.

So if the majority of men idolize a woman’s vagina to the point that they are incapable of making objective decisions when sex is concerned, and if women discovered this weakness and used it against men, wouldn’t that imply mental superiority?  How could such a cheap, simple form of manipulation be enough to trick a mentally superior being into handing over his power?

And if only a few men are “woke” and have figured out this global manipulation conspiracy, wouldn’t it mean that men, taken as a whole, are too stupid (ie, mentally inferior) to realize they’re being manipulated, and the handful of MGTOW guys are the exception to the rule?

I mean, that just doesn’t make sense to me.

But to be fair, not every MGTOW is a hostile misogynist.  They’ve simply sworn off romantic and/or legal relationships with women, on the basis that women are only interested in a man’s money or social status, and even if she’s not, divorce laws and family laws favor women so heavily, a divorce means that she’s going to get everything.  They also quote the fact that women initiate divorce more often than men do (they like to conveniently miss the parts that explain why that is).

Often, these men have been screwed over and had their lives completely turned upside-down by an ugly divorce, may have lost custody of their children, or been the victim of a gold-digger or hypergamist looking to take advantage of his position.  Having been burned once, they decide to turn away from any sort of relationships, with varying degrees and of hostility and/or misogyny (and some have neither hostility nor misogyny.  They claim that it’s not necessarily women that they’re swearing off, just the laws that favor them).

Which sucks, don’t get me wrong.  I don’t want to trivialize what those men went through in any way.

But sorry, any guy who buys into that MGTOW crap is a complete coward, and really just a weak man.

Why do I think he’s a pathetic loser, you ask?  Well, I’ll tell you.

I’m not even going to address the misogyny, it’s pretty obvious what those guys’ problem is.  A sexist asshole is a sexist asshole.

But the main theme of the MGTOW movement is financial.  These men are frustrated because they’ve lost half (or more) of their wealth, or are forced to pay child support for kids they never get to see, or are forced to pay alimony to a woman who decided she didn’t want to remain married to him.

Cool.  But just real quick buddy, what do you think marriage is?  You think financially supporting her in exchange for sex whenever you want it is a fair trade?  Ever wonder why women initiate 70% of divorces?

You think it’s a coincidence that a slim majority of married women feel oppressed, stifled, or ignored in their marriages?

You’re putting more value on material things than on less tangible contributions, where women tend not to think that way.  You’re used to an old and obsolete view of marriage, where the man is in charge and the woman does what she’s told, and that’s not enough for women anymore.

They want emotional intimacy.  They want to feel valued.  They want to feel like you love them and are just as attracted to them now, that they’re yours, as you did while you were dating.  They feel like they were just a conquest for you.  You were nice and sweet and romantic while you were dating, because you were actively pursuing her.  But now that you’ve caught her, there’s no hunt anymore.  There’s no challenge.  So you end up ignoring her.

And dealing with emotional shit is hard, right?  It’s way easier hanging out with your buddies and tuning her out when she starts to talk.

Here’s a thing:

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No, but it’s all about the money, right?  That’s the only viable reason to get married.  And if you make more than your wife does, she should shut up and be grateful that you’re doing that for her, and stop expecting ridiculous things like companionship.  You measure satisfaction by how much shiny crap you give her.  If you give her a lot of shiny shit, she should be completely happy and content forever, regardless of how you actually treat her.

Yeah, that’s healthy.

And your unhealthy obsession with material things continues even after your divorce, in your resentment of having lost half your stuff, while ignoring how unhappy she was and refusing to take responsibility for the fact that you neglected her.  Literally all you care about is the wealth.  You thought you could buy her happiness, you thought fulfillment only comes from a bank account, you ignored her every time she told you she was unhappy, and then you got all shocked when suddenly she resented you for it?

Not cool, bro.  Yeah, I’d divorce your selfish, materialistic, narcissistic ass, too.  I’m not a spiteful person, but fuck with me like that for long enough, and I might just be persuaded to fuck with you right back.

But, to be fair, I do have to concede that some women are, in fact, spiteful, manipulative, gold-digging bitches.  Some women do just want to sit at home and be a trophy wife while their husbands work to support them, and then want to take half of the husband’s shit in the divorce.  Some women do take advantage of our fucked up parental laws, and use them to take his kids away and keep him from seeing them, while spending the child support on her hair or her clothes.  That’s true,  I’ll give you that.

The operative word there, though, is some.

And that brings us to my primary problem with MGTOW:  I immediately respect someone 99% less when they start making broad, sweeping generalizations about a massive group of people based on the actions of a few.

Here, let me try using some MGTOW logic, and see if I can draw some conclusions of my own:

I was raped twice.  Practically every woman I know, or have ever known, has been raped or assaulted, or harassed, or taken advantage of by a man.  Quite a few rich, powerful, famous men are being accused by multiple women of harassment.  I’ve had two different male bosses try to come on to me.  There are thousands upon thousands upon thousands of women coming forward online with their stories about how men have raped, sexually harassed, or sexually taken advantage of them.

That’s a lot of guys.  Way more than “a few,” so I’m totally not basing my opinion of all men on the actions of just “a few.”  With it being such a common occurrence, it becomes clear that the majority of men are either rapists or harbor desires to rape women.  How else do you explain how prevalent it is?

And it doesn’t stop with sex.  Multiple studies have shown that men do not listen and focus when their wife is talking to them to the same degree they listen and focus on other men.  So they obviously don’t care about women as people, and don’t give women’s words the same weight as other men’s.

When women do come forward or talk about how they’ve been raped or taken advantage of, they’re told to “get over it,” and “not all men do that.”  Men are more defensive of other men, that they’ve literally never met, than they are of the women they know and supposedly care about.

Actually, here’s a good way to put it:

Men are more offended by the fact that I am wary of certain individuals, in certain situations, than they are by the fact that a grown man forced himself inside a little girl, threatening to kill her and rape her sister if she screamed, and another grown man snatched a teenager off the sidewalk in her own neighborhood, beat the hell out of her in the back of his van, cut her clothes off, held her down by her hair and fucked her until she bled, and then when he saw the blood on his dick, he facefucked her, telling her that he wouldn’t let her go until she cleaned it off,  then tossed her back out onto the street with her shredded pants still around her ankles and his baby growing inside her (and my favorite bra was ruined, just by the way.  Which doesn’t sound like a big deal, but y’all don’t understand how hard it was to find good bras when I was 17 and a DD.  Torrid wasn’t a thing back then.  Talk about kicking a girl while she’s down)

But you lost your big fancy house and your wife was mean to you.  Yeah, that sounds terrible.  How in the world did you survive such trauma?

Now, just based on the sheer numbers of women who have had similar experiences, the only logical conclusion is that all men harbor these desires to hurt, rape, or oppress women, and all they want is to take advantage of women, and they’ll do whatever it takes to manipulate a woman into a position where they can force themselves on her.  If men had their way, all women would have their vocal chords removed at birth and be nothing but sex slaves.

And I can totally post links with statistics that prove every single point I made.  So you know it’s true.

And because I was completely screwed over (literally) twice, and had my life turned completely upside down by two different men, no one can blame me for deciding to swear off men completely, for the rest of my life.  No one can blame me for choosing to give those two men, and what they did to me, enough personal power that those experiences have a lifelong effect on me.

Because I am a victim, you see, and I want to continue living life as a victim.  I’m satisfied with that mentality, and see no reason to grow past it.  Those two men haven’t been in my life for more than a decade.  They don’t think about me at all anymore (and one of them is dead), but I have allowed them to have so much power over me, they still influence every decision I make, every opinion I have, every aspect of my life.

And even if I happen to find the rare exception, the rare man who isn’t a rapist, why put myself in a situation like that again?  Why risk having that happen to me a third time?  How can I ever be sure that the guy I decide to date isn’t just pretending to be respectful in an attempt to manipulate me into giving him access to my body?

Nope, it’s better to just swear off men completely and totally isolate myself from half the world, regardless of how impractical that may be.

So what do you think?  Does that sound ridiculous and weak and cowardly and lazy and completely idiotic?  Yeah, I thought so.

Being MGTOW isn’t something to be proud of, dude.  You’re going to let one petty bitch affect you for the rest of your life?  That’s a sign of a victim mentality, and a sign of weakness.

5 thoughts on “Going their own way

  1. sayyidsgirl says:

    Ugh. Why can’t we all just be. Y’know?
    I just don’t get how some people can paint a whole group of people the same, based on a few commonalities like uh their genitals for one. Ridiculous.

  2. I just read your post on Entitlement and Liberation. I didn’t know your blog exists before about 2 minutes ago. Anyway, I am Alex and am very into Femdom. Nice to meet you.

    I think when you say that it’s normal and OK for feminists to only focus on feminist issues and masculinists on masculinist issues (Gosh! My spellchecker knows the word feminist but not masculinist! That’s telling!). This is TECHNICALLY correct, but it’s not like the Salvation Army not focusing on global warming. It’s TECHNICALLY correct but categorically wrong. And that is because it’s STUPID that there should be a separate category for people who are feminist and people who are masculinist and they never have anything to do with each other. If the underlying factor is that they want a better life for everyone as it pertains to their sex, then they should be ONE category called, I don’t know, “femimasculinists” or whatever, who are fighting for EQUAL rights on BOTH sides. As long as they insist on being two categories they are grinding water. The more they focus on the problems of just ONE side while TOTALLY NEGLECTING the other the more sex-INequality they are actually promoting and the more THAT happens, no matter which side, the more the goal of promoting the rights of the sex or gender they WANTED to promote in the first place will ULTIMATELY rescind. It is logical because the issue is not WOMEN´S or MEN’S as separate from each other but as entities that INTERACT with each other. If they don’t believe that or understand that then they’re just screwed up.

    Cheers!

    • Domina Jen says:

      Hi, Alex.

      The word for the category you’re describing is “egalitarian.” But the problem with egalitarianism is that, to be effective, a group needs a focus, which egalitarianism doesn’t have.

      But that doesn’t mean that things outside the focus of that group should be neglected or ignored. Which is why feminists and masculinists should not neglect the other side (and I’m not sure where I implied that the groups should have nothing to do with each other), but show support, even though that’s not their focus.

      I see the two groups as different parts of the same team, working toward the same goal. Look at American football, for example. Just on offense, you’ve got receivers, halfbacks, fullbacks, tight ends, offensive guards, offensive tackles, etc. All of these positions are extremely focused, but all work together toward the goal of moving the ball down the field for a touchdown.

      An offensive tackle doesn’t run down the field and catch the ball. That’s not his focus. That’s not his job. But he works his ass off, to contribute to the team according to his strengths and skill set.

      An OT and a WR are not even remotely focused on the same thing, and yet they work together toward the goal. It works.

      Egalitarianism is great as a philosophy, but doesn’t work as a movement, because there is so freaking much that egalitarianism encompasses.

      But there’s no reason why feminism and masculinism must be isolated from one another (and they’re actually not, the vast majority of feminists you meet in person are also masculinists, at least in the western US, where I live). The assumption that the groups must be mutually exclusive is an incorrect one.

      Routine male genital mutilation, for example, is a masculinist issue. And you see masculinist groups lobbying against it, promoting education and awareness regarding it, and dispelling common, obsolete myths about it.

      Feminists do not ignore or neglect that here. It’s not a woman’s issue, but we have sons. We have brothers. Fathers. Husbands. We don’t ignore it. And I’m very proud to report that, in the western US, the rate of circumcision has dropped to 21% in 2016 (it’s still very prevalent in other regions, with the majority of boys still being circumcised).

      But there just aren’t enough hours in the day for a single group to try to focus on circumcision, access to birth control, granting fathers their parental rights, working on sexual harassment laws in the workplace, removing harmful gender stereotypes, combating toxic masculinity… I mean, anyone who tries will quickly find themselves spread way too thin. It just doesn’t work.

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