Old Guard

Old Guard came up in a conversation recently, and the young woman I was speaking to asked, “So wait, aren’t you Old Guard?”

I’ve been asked this question a lot, and the answer is no, I am not.

My mentor was Old Guard, and he trained me in the Old Guard ideals and methods, even invited me to join his House when I turned 18, but no, I am not Old Guard.

One of the reasons is that, to be a Dominant in an Old Guard House, you must start as a submissive.

Everyone in Old Guard starts as a submissive.

I never did.  I never wanted to, but even if I had wanted to, I wouldn’t have been able to.

I met my mentor when I was 16 and he was in his 40s.  The legal age of consent was 16, so I mean, it technically could’ve happened, but for one, he was uncomfortable with the morality of being the Dominant of a 16-year-old girl, and for two, I had literally zero interest in being a submissive, and for three, that just wasn’t our relationship.

He and I were never sexual together.  I was physical with his submissive wife and a few of the male submissives of his Old Guard House, but even that was more clinical than anything, with him using them to teach me.  For example, he taught me how to find a man’s prostate, how to do urethral sounds on both male and female genitalia, where on the body it’s safe to hit and where you need to use caution, etc.

But my age was a huge obstacle when it came to joining his House, or joining the kink community in general.  I mean, even without potential legal issues of me being a minor, no one takes a teenage Dominant seriously.

And I can’t blame them.  Even now, it’s not easy for me for take young Dominants seriously.

But the other thing is that Old Guard was dying as I entered the scene.  All of a sudden, Old Guard became the new black, and everyone was popping up saying that they were Old Guard.

This made my mentor incredibly bitter, and understandably so.

To fully understand his bitterness, you have to know the history of Old Guard, and why it was created.  Because there’s an entire culture here in this country that most people know nothing about.

Old Guard began as a community for gay military men and veterans, where they could find acceptance and brotherhood after coming home from war zones and feeling more threatened here than they did there.


And honestly, seeing the culture, seeing the bond with the members of his House, hearing the stories of these servicemen and women, and then seeing their culture get stepped on and trampled, I was pretty bitter about all the people jumping out of the woodwork, claiming to be Old Guard, too.

Old Guard was something special that these veterans had, that they created because serving in a war zone was easier than trying to live in their own damn country.

And that’s just one thing I have to say real quick.  Because in this country, the Republican hate group political party loves to talk about veterans, but they never want to help them or try to understand them.

But for all the faults in the military (rapes and sexual assaults have been a problem), they have always been very accepting of those who are different.  Yes, you had Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell, but I’ve spoken to gay veterans who were in combat situations or very, very tense situations, and being able to just be who they are, with no drama.

Because the other guys in your unit didn’t care.  As long as you could pull your weight and watch their backs, they didn’t care whether you liked pussy or dick.  They had actual problems and real shit to worry about.

When you could legitimately have your car randomly blown up by a 6-year-old with a flame thrower, shit like what consenting adults do in their private time really just doesn’t matter all that much to you.

It’s called perspective, m’kay.

And now, we’re seeing the same thing with trans people.  Trans people in Iraq and Afghanistan and other unpleasant places are actually happier there than they are at home, because there, it’s just no big deal.  People are more worried about being blown up or shot, or what they’re going to do if they see a 6-year-old with a flame thrower walking toward them.

They don’t have time to worry about whether you’ve got a cock or a cunt under your clothes.  They’re busy.

So these servicemen and women can just be who they are.  Trans men can just be men.  Trans women can just be women.  No one fucking cares.

And it’s a major, major failure on the part of our country when a veteran feels more comfortable in a combat zone than their own country, their own home.

But gay and trans servicemen aren’t the only ones we shit on, and this is a big part of what made Old Guard so popular.

We just have so little understanding of the mental and emotional needs of a veteran.  We take these kids, these teenagers, and we put them in some pretty fucked up situations, where they have to make some pretty fucked up decisions, and we have such a limited understanding of what that does to a person’s mind, and we never want to fund the research to figure out how to help them.

For example, we’re only just recently starting to treat a whole new condition, called Trauma-Associated Sleep Disorder (TSD), which was originally thought to be a form of PTSD, but none of the traditional PTSD treatments worked.  It’s only been in the last couple of years that we’re realizing it’s a totally different condition, and that we need to treat it as a totally different condition.

And then you have a rather large number of people who insist that things like PTSD and TSD are not real, and just made up because they don’t like science and facts.

Even now, even today, there are tons and tons of veterans who wish they could go back to the war zones.  Because here, they’re surrounded by very bored people who will never understand them, in a country that ignores and abandons them, and they’re expected to just seamlessly fit back in to civilian life, with literally no mental or emotional support structure at all.

Guys, do you have any idea just how fucked up that is?  Like, could you even imagine what that’s like?

Because I sure as hell can’t.

That’s why Old Guard was created, y’all.  That’s what it was.

These gay men came home from those terrible, gruesome places, and all of a sudden, being gay was a huge deal again.  They missed the closeness and the brotherhood and the acceptance that they felt while they were serving.  Old Guard was their way of coming together and supporting one another.

And after awhile, it got big.  It wasn’t just gay men anymore, or veterans.  But that was always the base of every House.  My mentor allowed anyone to join his House, but to be a leader, you had to be a veteran.  It’s my understanding that pretty much every House had that requirement, or a similar one.  Because veterans are the ones that understand that culture, and they’re the ones that needed it.

So yeah, knowing the history, and seeing it just trampled on by all these idiots jumping up and claiming to be Old Guard, I could definitely understand why my mentor was bitter.

And it infuriated me.  Because I loved my mentor.  He was my first real love.  He taught me how to love myself, and how to accept myself.  He showed me how to be okay with my past.

He saved my life.  I can honestly say, with 100% certainty, that if it hadn’t been for him, I’d be dead or in prison now.  He made me who I am.

I loved him.  I respected and admired him.  Watching stupid, bored, insecure assholes shit on him and his culture, because it “sounded so super cool,” was infuriating.  They had no idea what they were doing, what they were destroying.


I mean, we as a country love to shit all over our veterans, and the bastardization and death of Old Guard was just another shining example.

I wasn’t going to be a part of that.  And I won’t be a part of that.

6 thoughts on “Old Guard

  1. furcissy says:

    Thank you very much for sharing this. I actually just had a talk with some subs about the Old Guard and felt that my description didn’t do it proper justice. I will be sending links.

    Take care.

  2. collaredmichael says:

    Honestly I had never heard of the Old Guard. Thank you for the education. I understand your position entirely.

  3. Joshua says:

    Wow, very interesting and in some ways educational read. As a vet of 18 years i have to say some of your views on the military are misguided and some are spot on.Your right about us not caring about what your your sexual preference is, but that only goes so far. An what i mean is as long as you keep it to yourself and do your job your ok/safe. Other wise, the military in general is less excepting to gay/trans people. Being openly gay is still for the most part a big no no. Being a trans is a no go. You are very right about sexual assault being a issue in the military. The rate is of sexual assault is higher in the military than in civilian life. An thanks for the educational read on the origins of the old guard.

    • Domina Jen says:

      That’s understandable. My only knowledge about life in the military comes from people I’ve spoken to. And I’ve only spoken to a handful of vets about this, specifically. Even fewer were combat vets who were openly gay, bi, or trans. So it’s not like I’ve got a lot of sources.

      My mentor was never very open about being bisexual, but he was never closeted, either. And unfortunately, the conversations with him happened more than ten years ago, so my memory might be a bit off. But from what I understand, everyone in his unit knew, but it was just something no one really talked about. I don’t recall him ever speaking about negative experiences because of it.

      Of course, he was also married to an extremely attractive young woman at the time, so that may have helped.

      I’ve heard mixed things from other gay veterans. Some didn’t have any negative experiences, some did.

      But I think that’s why the gay servicemen sought each other out. Because even the ones with negative experiences missed the brotherhood and the bond. They wanted to be able to have that same kind of community, without fear of being found out and ostracized or worse.

      The two trans gentlemen I spoke to, though, both had nothing but positive things to say. Granted, the older is 26, and I want to think the younger is 23, so it’s a different generation with a different cultural attitude. Younger people tend to have let go of the kind of blind arrogance that makes people think that what consenting adults do with their genitals is anyone else’s business, or worth society arguing over.

      But both men were eager to return to a literal war zone because no one cared about whether they had a dick or a vagina. As you said, as long as you do your job and don’t shove it down anyone’s throats, no one cared.

      One gentleman described it using my hair. I have red hair. It’s not naturally red, I dye it. It’s pretty obvious that my hair color isn’t natural. This shade of red does not happen naturally. So pretty much everyone I meet can see that I dye my hair.

      But I don’t start out every single conversation with the fact that my hair isn’t natural. Some people comment on the color, but most don’t. It doesn’t affect my ability to function as an adult or interact with other adults. It doesn’t factor into my daily life pretty much at all. Yeah it requires a touch more maintenance, but it doesn’t affect me when I’m out in public. People don’t tell me I’m going to hell for dyeing it. They don’t give me dirty looks or tell me I should just be happy with what God gave me. They don’t insist that hair dye should be illegal (and I should point out that dyeing one’s hair is a choice. One’s sexuality and gender are genetic, a fact that is recognized pretty much universally by psychiatrists and psychologists, and one cannot change either. I could never just wake up one day and decide I’m not into men anymore).

      And it’s that way with him. He’s 5’3″ and very slender, so even though the HRT has helped transform his body into a very masculine shape, it’s pretty obvious from his facial structure, height, body type, etc, that he wasn’t born with a penis and testicles. And when he was deployed, he had to get off the HRT anyway (it wasn’t readily available where he was going, so he had to wean himself off of it before he left so he wouldn’t experience issues with withdrawal while he was gone), which caused his body to revert to a more feminine figure.

      So yeah, it was pretty obvious. But over there, no one cared. It was like my hair. It didn’t mean anything. It wasn’t part of any conversation. It wasn’t something anyone gave him grief over. He could just be who he was, and everyone was too busy getting shot at to argue about his genitals. As long as he could do his job, and do it well, no one cared.

      Granted, those are two individuals among many, and they were both trans men. I don’t know if trans women have similar experiences, and I don’t know if the two I spoke to were exceptions to the general rule.

      Trans men seem to be more accepted by society than trans women, anyway, so maybe a trans woman would have a different experience.

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