So it’s occurred to me that some men simply don’t know how to do this properly. And I get it. It’s intimidating, there’s a lot going on down there, where your own setup is pretty basic.
This is often exacerbated by the fact that women don’t often tell men what they like.
But here’s why: Because most of you are all so wrapped up in your precious little egos, that the slightest constructive criticism is interpreted as an attack on your very manhood. It’s ridiculous. Laughable.
I’m serious, we literally make fun of you for that.
But it’s annoying, too. Because now we have to find some other way to tell you what we like, and how to pleasure us better. Most of the time, we just train you to respond to different moans.
It’s stupid. It really is. But we’d rather do that, because you suddenly crying in the corner, or shouting about how ultra macho manly you are, and you’re God’s gift to women, just isn’t sexy, and we wanna cum, goddammit.
So learn to take suggestion.
And then follow the fucking suggestions.
Kazander, who is actually very talented in this department, has phases where he’s just awful at the following suggestion thing. I’ll tell him to move higher or lower, and he won’t move. I’ll reach down and literally move his head where I want him, and as soon as I let go, he’ll go back to his original spot.
I have literally held him in place by grabbing fistfuls of his hair.
And that’s not fun. It’s distracting, it’s annoying, and it makes it take even longer for me to cum.
He’s far from the only guy to do this, too. He just has phases now and then. I’ve been with guys where it was a constant battle.
That’s not sexy, okay. It’s frustrating. And if I’m frustrated, chances are I won’t be all that interested in giving you anything you may want.
Follow directions. If we tell you to move a certain direction, do it. If we move you to a certain place, fucking stay there.
Also, and I’ve actually only had one guy who didn’t do this, all the rest of you are just terrible at it, but when you do something we like, don’t fucking change it up right as we’re about to cum.
Jesus fucking Christ, that’s the most annoying thing ever. I finally asked a guy why he did it, and he said it was kind of like a big finishing move. He was trying to make the build up more intense.
Unless we specifically tell you to go faster or harder, don’t do it. Obviously, what you’re doing is working. We’re getting close. We’re about to cum. More often than not, when you try to do your “big finish,” it either ruins our orgasm (yes, women can have ruined orgasms, too) or completely derails it and now you have to start over.
When what you’re doing is working, don’t change it.
Also, it’s a tongue, not a fucking shovel. Too many times, guys get way too rough, way too fast. My clit is attached, m’kay. Don’t try to dig it up out of my body.
It’s a hell of a lot more sensitive than you think, a hell of a lot more sensitive than anything on your body. So be gentle with it. If she tells you she wants you to go harder or faster, then do it. Otherwise, start out slow and gentle.
The mindset seems to be that the faster and harder you go, that faster she’ll cum. Yeah, it doesn’t work that way, literally at all.
It only just doesn’t even feel good. And it’s distracting.
Be patient, take your time, and she’ll cum a lot faster than if you try to rush it or get super aggressive with it.
And try to keep the noises to a minimum. Unless she wants you to, don’t do any moaning, and for God’s sake, don’t make any slurping or lip-smacking noises. If you sound like a cow, that’s not sexy. It’s distracting.
You want her focused on how good everything feels, not all the other shit.
I’ve also seen a lot of guys who just don’t know how to use their tongue at all. Like, it’s been so bad, I just made a couple of guys stop, because it was a waste of time.
The alphabet thing is stupid and cheesy, but it works for someone who is unsure or just learning how. It’s a good starting point. Just don’t use the very tip of your tongue. Often, that’s just too much pressure, and goes back to the too-hard-too-fast-doesn’t-feel-good thing.
Once she cums, don’t just suddenly stop. Women’s orgasms last longer than men’s, and if you stop right as she starts cumming, it just falls off and basically feels like a ruined orgasm. Super disappointing.
Keep going through the orgasm. Go with the previous rule. Just keep doing exactly what you were doing to make her cum. Wait until the orgasm is over to stop.
And then, when she’s had a few minutes to relax, ask her if there’s anything she wishes you had done differently. She should be more willing to tell you now, after she came. Because hell, she came already. It doesn’t really matter if you throw a fit because she gave you constructive criticism. She already got what she wanted.
But she’ll also be in a very mellow, relaxed, good mood, so she’ll likely be very gentle and tactful in how she says things. Just take her suggestions to heart, and next time, you’ll have a better idea of what to do.
Like with all things, practice, practice, practice.