… pretty much any relationship question, really.
Kazander and I were in the living room. I was reading and he was re-watching an old show he likes, Sons of Anarchy (possible minor spoilers ahead, if you care about that sort of thing). He was watching the scene in which Jax is cheating on Tara with a porn star. Tara walks in to the clubhouse, and asks Jax’s best friend, Opie, if Jax is there. Opie lies and tells Tara that Jax isn’t there. So Tara walks into the back, to find Jax and the girl in bed together.
Kazander paused the show, turned to me, and said, “Would you be mad? If you were Tara, I mean?”
“If you cheated on me? Uh, yeah.”
“No, would you be mad at Opie?”
“Of course I would. He lied.”
“But that’s been his best friend basically since birth.”
“I don’t care. I’d be done with him.”
“So you’d forgive me, but be mad at him?”
“I never said I’d forgive you.”
“Assuming you did. Assuming you’d forgive me, would you forgive him?”
“I don’t think I’m the right person to ask.”
“Well, let’s use me and Red. Red is one of my best friends, and you two are cool. If Red lied to protect me, would you forgive him?”
“That’s something I never understood about women.”
“What do you mean?”
“You’d forgive me, but you’d hold it against him?”
I laughed. “I wouldn’t forgive you.”
He paused. “You wouldn’t?”
“You wouldn’t forgive me?”
I put my book down and turned to face him. “I have let you fuck another woman in my bed. More than once. And I’ll let you do it again. Just as I would with Steel and Sounder, and anyone else I own. If, after I let you do that, you still need to go behind my back and cheat on me, there are more problems in our relationship than can be fixed.”
He paused again. “Yeah, that’s a good point. You’re not the right one to ask.”
I’m polyamorous, y’all. I have no problem with any of my subs playing with others. I don’t even mind them having other romantic relationships, under the right circumstances (such as Kazander and his ex-girlfriend). At the end of the day, I know they’re mine, and I know they love me, just as they know I love them.
But honesty is the most important thing. And to me, it’s the difference between polyamory and cheating. If you want to go fuck a porn star, go fuck her. Knock yourself out. Have fun. But the moment you try to hide it from me, you cross a line that can’t be uncrossed.
More than once, Kazander has asked me questions like this, and then realized I’m the wrong person to ask. When it comes to relationships, I’m an easy person to figure out. Don’t lie to me. Don’t hide from me. And I won’t lie or hide from you.