D/s, BDSM, and my sexuality

So I generally don’t do two posts in a day, but I’m ready to get back to the sex stuff.

Yay, sex!

I separate the the acronyms in BDSM, and use the term BDSM to reference general kink and fun stuff.  And how each acronym fits into my life is different.

BD: Bondage and Discipline

I like bondage, but it can be time-consuming.  Mental bondage is awesome, though, because it requires my submissive to make the choice, to actively choose to allow what is being done to him to happen.  And often, that can be worse than being tied up, helpless, and not having that choice.

Discipline is important.  I discipline my subs when I need to, I condition them, I mold them, I guide and lead them.  Discipline is also what I would call “funishment.”  Rough, intense (often painful) play that serves to remind them of their place, to give them a good reboot, but still has the light-hearted feel of all of my sessions.  It’s fun.

DS: Dominance and submission

This actually has absolutely nothing to do with my sexuality.  This is a relationship dynamic, and the only kind of relationship that has ever worked for me.

Although, to be fair, that’s not something that’s unique to me.  Studies have shown that relationships in which one partner is the more dominant tend to be more successful than relationships in which power is more balanced and equal.

And while the kink may ebb and flow as real life presents opportunities and obstacles, the relationship and the way I interact with my partners doesn’t change.  I run my relationships, and while my boys know they’re respected, they have a voice, and they have the right to have their voice heard, and their input genuinely considered, they also know that the final say of pretty much any decision is mine.

Is that fair?  No, not really.  But my boys are strong men.  They won’t suffer a relationship where they’re taken advantage of.  It’s on me to make sure they feel respected and heard.  I owe it to them as their Dominant, and I owe it to myself as a human being.

Granted, there are aspects of this dynamic that are very sexually charged, and send a happy little chill down my spine.  I like bringing my strong, assertive boys to heel.  It’s such a turn on bringing them to their knees and imposing my will on them.

The thrill I get from that is very sexual.  But in general, D/s isn’t inherently sexual for me.

I have had drops in my libido in the past, and I’m sure I’ll have them again.  Once in a great while, I’ll have a phase where I’m just not all that horny for a couple of weeks, or maybe even a couple of months.  It happens.  But when it does happen, the D/s doesn’t go away.  It’s not influenced by my libido at all.

SM: Sadomasochism

Oooh, the fun stuff.  Sadism is a very, very big part of my sexuality.

But it’s important to note that, in the scope of BDSM, anyway, sadism is not limited to physical pain.

Sounder can attest to that.  I haven’t seen him in awhile (that dry spell is ending tonight, thank fucking God), and he’s spent the last few days getting very well acquainted with the evil, sadistic, twisted bitch in me.

I haven’t touched him, and very little that I’ve said to him involves physical pain.  But “sadistic” is a pretty accurate descriptor of the mindfuckery I’ve put him through.

And it’s also worth noting that humiliation stimulates the same parts of the brain as physical pain.  So on a physiological level, it’s damn near the same.

Having Sounder gangbanged by six men, having each one finish on his face, then having them all stand around him and rinse their cum off his face by pissing on him, for example, wouldn’t cause physical pain.  But I would certainly call that sadistic.  I have a sneaking suspicion Sounder would agree with me.

Don’t get me wrong.  I thoroughly enjoy causing physical pain.  It’s all kinds of fun, and just as big a part of my sexuality.  But my sadism isn’t limited to the physical.

I think, if I had to pick one word to describe my sexuality, my sexual identity, and the way I relate to my partners in a sexual capacity, it would be sadistic.  

Hell, even when I give pleasure, it could possibly be described as sadistic.  Sounder doesn’t beg often, but when I pleasure his cock, he’s begging me to stop, begging me to hurt him, after a few minutes.

Which, of course, is massively entertaining.

5 thoughts on “D/s, BDSM, and my sexuality

  1. thesecretheart says:

    God, I love you!!! xxx

  2. Most excellently wicked, and so very splendidly wrong. I’ll just be picking my jaw up off the floor and drafting my own vicious, evil plans.
    Thank you for renewing the demonic grin on my face, it’s just what I needed right now.

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