Submissive men are more attractive

A study in Prague surveyed one thousand average (vanilla) women.  Over 25% of them agreed that a more submissive man is more attractive than a dominant one.  Wayyy less than 25% thought a dominant man was attractive.

That’s huge.  You can’t get 25% of women to agree on anything.  The study also found that relationships are more successful if one partner is the more dominant, and one is more submissive, although it doesn’t matter which partner “wears the pants.”

So if submissive men are so widely coveted, and are so common, why are they so stigmatized?

It’s like herpes.  90% of the world has some form of herpes, but one study found that a majority of Americans think it’s worse than HIV.

Which is insane.  I don’t care if someone has herpes.  Kazander and I are in the 10% that doesn’t have it, but that hasn’t stopped me from playing with people who have it.

Hell, Kazander’s girlfriend gets cold sores.  He still plays with her.  And thankfully, she’s just as paranoid about him catching it from her as I am, so she’s quick to let him know if she thinks she feels one coming on.

But people don’t realize that 90% of the world has it, so it carries a stigma.

Just like people don’t realize that more than a quarter of women prefer a submissive man over a dominant one.  And that significantly less women wanted a more dominant man.

Now, it is important to note that this study wasn’t talking about BDSM or D/s relationships.  This was talking about vanilla dominance and submission, and the power dynamics one can expect to find in a more traditional relationship.

But the principle is the same.  Relationships with an unequal power dynamic do better than relationships where both partners are “equal.”  And quite a few women prefer their man to have a more submissive role in the relationship.

Statistically, submissive men are more attractive to women than dominant men, and are in higher demand.

7 thoughts on “Submissive men are more attractive

  1. James says:


    As a submissive man, albeit submissive to just one woman, who am I to disagree with such flawless logic?! There’s someone sitting just about six feet away from me who would unhesitatingly endorse the title of your latest excellent musing.

    It has to make sense, really. My wife and I are living proof that relationships with a marked power imbalance can be (are) far more satisfactory and harmonious than those where the pursuit of equality at all costs often becomes like tilting at imaginary windmills. Doomed to disappointment, a lot of the time, and fucking tiring, to boot.

    When I think of the amount of time we wasted in arguing about whose turn it was to speak/be heard/get our way and contrast it with the utter peace that has reigned from the moment that I acknowledged my submission to wifely authority, I could weep tears that would be 100% proof!

    Yes, we’re not a vanilla couple and it may not be as many as 25% of the female population who would want a submissive partner under our terms, but I’d be willing to bet that a decent proportion would seize on the opportunity to realise their potential that such a relationship can offer to a dominant, loving woman.

    Equality be damned. I’ve often said it before but being at my wife’s feet places me way above the vast majority of men that I know. Good on you for your continuing efforts to highlight the joys of an amazingly satisfying way of life.

    • Domina Jen says:

      I agree, this is such a satisfying way of life. I tried the whole vanilla relationship thing, and was wholly underwhelmed by it. It’s so much easier having my way, and having submissives who are happy to give me what I want. Everyone wins.

  2. Gguy says:

    Ms Jen, like a lot of things that are changing, the stigma will change with time, I still see a dramatic shift in power to Women over a period of time, I seem to read or hear something to that effect almost daily now, of course not all Women will take the lead role, but You could become the majority. I do think the term “wearing the pants “is somewhat sexist, and with time may change to wearing the skirt or even wearing the panties to give the nod to Women as the typical leaders. I think one reason that Women are preferring submissive men, is as You pointed out, relationships work better with one leader, more and more it is the Woman,and with it will come a return to more clear cut roles, with men handling more of what was once considered Woman’s work such as house cleaning etc…

    • Domina Jen says:

      That’s entirely possible. Gender and gender roles in society is a tricky subject, with no clear cut answer. Despite my disdain for Dominant men, I still prefer Dominance and submission not to have a gender. And truly, the idea of women taking the place that men have taken, historically, frightens and sickens me.

      I liken it to a black American wanting to own slaves. There are not enough words in any language to express how ashamed I would be to be part of a movement that tried to oppress someone else, exactly the way we were oppressed for thousands of years.

      Power and control should not have a gender. And being submissive doesn’t mean someone isn’t capable of leading.

      Gender roles and stereotypes should be abolished, not switched. I’m just not a believer of female supremacy. It doesn’t work in my world, and it has no place in my relationships. It may work for others, and that’s awesome, but it doesn’t work for me.

  3. furcissy says:

    Another very good post, Miss Jen.

    I tend to favor the idea that relationships work best with a leader. I have always found it interesting at how strongly some people are committed to the idea of 50/50 equal power. That may work fine until both parties disagree strongly on something and no compromise is in sight. Even the slightest tilt (eg 51/49) solves a lot of conflicts before they start.

    I do wish that survey results like these were more common knowledge.

    Take care.

    • Domina Jen says:

      Exactly. My vanilla relationships have always been awkward and cumbersome in that respect. It’s like a constant tug of war, and no one wins.

      My D/s relationships have been so much easier, so much healthier. There is no tug of war. I always win. And my subs trust me to care for them and make sure their needs are being met. Everyone is happy.

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