Why I don’t believe in female supremacy

I was shown a link to a female supremacist blog, and exchanged a couple of emails with the owner of it, a submissive man in a Wife-Led Marriage.  We both shared the sentiment that each other’s blogs were well-written and well thought-out, but we don’t agree with each other’s views.

And I have to say it’s such a relief to be able to have that kind of conversation.  To be able to say to someone, “I don’t agree with you, but I respect you and the way you express your views.”

Needless to say, he believes in Female Supremacy.

Needless to say, I do not.  Mostly.

So for those who may not know, Female Supremacy is the belief that society should be matriarchal, dominated by women, and that men are inferior and must therefore defer to and serve women.

This is not an ideology I follow.

First, I want to acknowledge that I’m not a fan of the binary, you’re-either-male-or-female sexuality.  We already discussed that sexuality is a spectrum, and gender identity is the same way.  Female supremacy sort of unintentionally reduces that spectrum by removing the middle parts.

It’s also difficult to nail down a “generalized” definition of female supremacy.  The examples I find range from what I consider extreme to what I consider radical.  Is it possible that there’s something I’m missing?  Perhaps, but the very nature of the ideology lends itself to some practices that I consider pretty damn extreme.

That’s not my biggest problem with it, though.  But before I get to why I don’t follow that mindset, I’ll explain why I don’t immediately discount it, either.

For the record (brace yourselves, ladies and gentlemen), I believe that females are biologically and physically superior to males.

Don’t freak out yet.  Allow me to back that information up with some facts.

Let’s give men their due.

  1.  They’re physically bigger, with more muscle mass and more upper body strength (ie, they’re stronger), with bigger lungs and more red blood cells (ie, more stamina).  They’ve got stronger, larger, denser bones and muscle tissue than women, and have more hemoglobin, so they heal from wounds faster.
  2.   Men also have a greater range in IQ than women.  So, while there are more men with extremely low IQs than women, there are also more men with extremely high IQs.
  3.   Men also remain fertile long after women, able to father children well into old age.  They produce an infinite amount of sperm, while women have only so many eggs and can never make more.  Gender also comes from sperm.
  4.   Mentally, men are less prone to depression (caveat: they’re more prone to suicide), eating disorders, and anxiety.  They’re less prone to stress, including post-traumatic stress disorder.  Don’t get too excited, though, guys.  There’s one hell of a “but” coming.

But….

Let’s go back down the list.

  1.  Men are superior to women in brute strength (by 50%) and lung function (by 30%), and can heal from injuries faster, but that’s where the superiority ends.  And it starts at conception.
    1. Women have a stronger hold on life than men.  Women pregnant with boys are more prone to miscarriage (140 boys are conceived for every 100 girls.  But only 105 boys are born for every 100 girls).  Boys are also more prone to SIDS.
    2. Women outlive men.  More men die from every cause of death than women, with the exception of three: breast cancer, problems related to female reproduction (which I think should be thrown out, because obviously more men die from problems with male reproduction than women, but it is what it is), and benign tumors.  After the age of 85, there are only 4 men for every six women.  At the age of 100, there are only half as many men as women.
    3. Women produce more antibodies than men, and more quickly than men.  They also have more white blood cells.  This means they can fight off diseases more efficiently than men, and it doesn’t hit them as hard.  Yes, the man cold is a real thing.
    4. The two X chromosomes also means that they’re less prone to X-chromosome-related disorders, such as color blindness and muscular dystrophy.
    5. Women have a slower basal metabolism and higher fat reserves.  While this is annoying when trying to lose weight, it means that women can endure more extremes in temperature and can go longer without food and water.
  2. Women have a higher average IQ than men.  Women consistently outscore men in Europe, the US, Canada, and New Zealand.  It’s unclear whether they don’t outscore men in other countries, or whether other countries were not included in the study.
  3. Women can actually bear children.  Many believe that this it what has made women evolve to handle pain better than men.  Studies have shown that women experience pain differently than men, and even feel it to a higher degree.  But they can handle it better than men (caveat: pain is subjective, so it’s difficult to do scientific studies on it).
  4. Women are more prone to stress, but can handle it better (again, subjective, but has been consistent through multiple studies, and women’s brains do produce more oxytocin).  Women are less prone to developmental psychiatric disorders (like autism and Tourette’s), less prone to psycopathy , and antisocial personality disorder.  Women also have better memories than men, and are better at multitasking.  They also score higher on empathy and seem to have more emotional intelligence than men (again, subjective, blah blah blah).  They can also pick up on more subtle body language, giving them an edge up on communication (this should be no surprise to anyone.  Men don’t generally do subtle all that well).
  5. Women’s senses are more acute.  They can pick up on slight variations of color better than men, they’re five and a half times less likely to lose their hearing than men, they have 50% more neurons in the olfactory center of their brains, giving them more sensitivity to both smell and taste.  Touch is tricky, because one study found that size, not gender, is key in sensitivity to touch.  However, since most women tend to be smaller than most men, they are more sensitive.

I’ll even go a step further.  The International Journal of Business Governance and Ethics recently published research showing that companies run and led by females are more successful than companies run and led by males.  A Pew research poll found that both men and women agree that women make fairer, more compassionate, and more trustworthy leaders.

And then you have places like Peru and Russia, who have begun switching to female-dominated law enforcement because women’s superior psychological, communication, and negotiation skills make them more efficient and better able to handle volatile situations.

So I mean the stuff is out there.  All you have to do is look it up.  And for the sake of saving time, I’m not going to go into the theory that people were matriarchal, if not completely female-dominated, in the Neolithic period and before.  The archaeologist in me is pissed off about that but that obsessive bitch is just going to have to deal.

Yes, I believe that, on the whole, women are biologically superior to men (Don’t get too excited though, ladies.  There’s one hell of a but coming).

But…

I am not a fan of any of the supremacy ideologies, female supremacy included.  Because I don’t want respect just because I’m a woman.  That feels fake and empty.  I want to be respected because of my actions, because of who I am.

There are countless women who are weak-willed, weak-minded, self-serving, and cruel.  I’ve known too many women who do not deserve any kind of respect.  And the idea of those women being in charge of anything or anyone is fucking terrifying.

Take Lia, the teenager who’s living with us.  I don’t trust her to be in any kind of position of control or authority, and the fact that she continues to be controlling and abusive to her (unwilling and nonconsensual) boyfriend further proves that.  I’ve repeatedly told her boyfriend to take control of her and put her on a leash, because that’s the only way to get through to her.  He’s more capable of it than she is.

I’ve also read stories about people living in female supremacist households with children, and training their sons to defer completely to their sisters (sometimes to what I consider disturbing extremes) and training daughters not to defer to their fathers.

Here’s the thing.  Once, a long time ago, I wrote about children and consent.  Human psychology is a very complex thing, and it takes a period of years for the brain to fully develop and mature.

How many years?  25.

25 years.

25 years.

Until that point, the brain is still developing.  The brain has not yet reached its full maturity.  It has not realized its full potential.  It has not yet made all the connections it’s supposed to make.

More than that, until the prefrontal cortex is done developing (which, lest we forget, takes 25 goddamn years), we think primarily with the amygdala.  You know, the primitive, emotional part of the brain that houses our fight-or-flight reflex, impulsive, destructive tendencies, our fear, our aggression, our anxiety, and all that fun shit.

They cannot make full use of their prefrontal cortex (the rational, logical part of the brain) because it’s not finished yet.  Our executive functions (which allows us to help assess risk, think ahead, evaluate ourselves, set goals, and regulate our emotions) are not fully developed yet.

So why is it a good idea to give a teenage daughter any kind of authority over her father, an adult with the mental capacities she does not yet possess?  One example described an instance where a teenage daughter was given the authority to slap her father if he disobeyed her.

Because she is still thinking primarily with the amygdala, she is scientifically incapable of regulating emotion, understanding emotionally complex situations, determining the long-term consequences of her actions, and recognizing a difference between consensual discipline (between consenting adults) and abuse.  Giving a young girl the power to punish someone, and literally actively encouraging her not to respect another human being (and her father) just because he’s male seems like a bad idea.

Let’s change “women” and “men” to “white people” and “black people,” and rewrite that last sentence.

Giving a young white person the power to punish someone, and literally actively encouraging her not to respect another human being just because he’s black seems like a bad idea.

Pretty fucking disturbing, right?  It’s literally the same message.  The exact same message.  And a teenager is incapable of recognizing the difference between that and two consenting adults engaging in a lifestyle that they both desire.

If my spawn ever slapped Kazander, oooh, would there be hell to pay.

Teaching sons to respect women is good, obviously, but teaching them that they literally don’t matter as much as their female siblings?  Holy shit, dude.

My point is that children’s brains are not fully developed, so they are incapable of giving informed consent.  It’s technically not illegal, but it seems unethical to push that on a child.

One gender being superior to another seems like a bad idea.  We went through thousands of years of men being seen and superior, and that really didn’t go all that well.  There’s no reason to think it would be any better with women being seen as superior.

And again, too many women are weak and incapable of leading anyone.  Giving them respect and deference simply because they’re women seems like it would open doors to a host of problems.

And there’s another thing common to many female supremacy relationships.  The men are consistently not given the chance to speak (like, at all), not given much free will, and are expected to do all chores and all housework, along with going to work, while the wife stays home and socializes.

If that’s what the men want, then more power to them.  They’re certainly entitled to what they want.  It’s just not for me.

Here’s why.  I love and adore and respect my boys.  I love that I can have engaging conversations with them.  I love that they can make me laugh.  I love that I can go out for drinks with them, or go out to dinner, or go to the movies, and have just as much fun as I would completely and utterly degrading them, objectifying them, and fucking them raw.

I read of one man whose wife does not allow him to speak or participate in conversations.  At all.  She gives him five minutes before bed when he can ask questions, voice concerns, reaffirm his love for her, whatever.  Other than that, from the moment he gets home from work til the moment he leaves again in the morning, he is not allowed to speak.

Which he says he loves.  That’s what he wants, that provides him the opportunity to let go of the stress of the day and just focus on his wife, so that works for him.  And that’s great.  That’s awesome, more power to them.

But holy hell, I’d be so goddamn bored!  Like, I’d be setting shit on fire after a week of that.

I like that my boys are strong and worthy of my respect.  I like that they’re smart, and funny, and have a whole host of traits that make them incredibly precious to me.  I love that I respect them.  I love owning those dynamic, passionate, vibrant, complex men.  Hell no, I would never want to reduce them to what I’ve read about in the female supremacist blogs.  I’d never want to take away the personalities I fell in love with.

My boys could never follow a weak woman.  And I could never expect them to.

So no, female supremacy is not for me.

22 thoughts on “Why I don’t believe in female supremacy

  1. James says:

    100% accurate, I would say.

    I may have discovered the submissive side to my nature comparatively late in life but anyone meeting me for the first time would probably consider me an Alphaish example of the male species – with plenty of strongly-held opinions and a reasonable degree of character.

    Which, my wife tells me, is why she fell for me in the first place, God love her.

    I wouldn’t even dream of the idea of serving a woman simply because of her gender. it took twelve years of living and sometimes butting heads with my wife before I gradually realised that her character was even stronger than mine, her vision more acute, her potential to achieve great things that much more obvious. We more or less simultaneously concluded that the best way to achieve the maximum for us both was for me to defer to her, obey her and, ultimately, to submit to her loving authority without reservation.

    That sort of depth of knowledge and trust is built up over a long time but even so, I know perfectly well that there are plenty of women who wouldn’t have anything like my wife’s abilities, strength, sense of humour, compassion and intelligence. When I know that those qualities are lacking in some women (and many men, of course), how could I possibly accept the idea that ALL women could be superior to me?

    I am lucky enough to be married to one who is, but who also actively seeks and values my opinion and knowledge, weighs them up and uses them along with her own instincts, to help her come to a decision. For sure she will tell me to be silent from time to time; she will even gag me to enforce that silence when it pleases her. She would, however, die of boredom if I never had anything to say and her respect for me would quickly wither.

    Most great female-led relationships, certainly ours, seem to me to be based on a mixture of love, respect and the desire to do what is best for each other. The idea that a person is superior to another by virtue of colour, race, nationality, sports team preference or even gender is so patently absurd that no thinking person could possibly give it house-room for long.

    As you say, Jen, anyone can get their kicks in any way they please. If they want to behave and be treated like an inanimate object from morning to night then more power to them. Just don’t tell me that it is the inevitable consequence of one gender’s superiority over another.

    • Domina Jen says:

      You’re absolutely right (except I will say I don’t agree with the “No thinking person could possibly give it house-room for long.” I’ve known people who said no thinking woman could be anything but a misandrist. I just don’t agree with that mindset, and the blogger I spoke to seems quite intelligent).

      That being said, I have to agree with your wife about being bored and losing respect. I’ve had boys like that who never had an opinion, never had any input, everything I said was met with “Yes, Mistress. As you wish, Mistress. Whatever you desire, Mistress.”

      Those relationships didn’t last long. And that’s not to say that all men who desire a female supremacist relationship are zombies. You can read blogs written by those men and see that they have personalities as complex as anyone else. But I would be bored in a relationship like that.

      I also hesitate to say that women in female supremacist relationships don’t love their husbands. But there does seem to be, at least in the reading I’ve done, no respect for the man, his opinion, his desires, and his personal growth.

      And that’s just not for me.

  2. furcissy says:

    Thank you very much for posting this Miss Jen. It is very thorough and I agree with all of it. I really enjoy the way that you write.

    It is disheartening to hear stories about people imparting many of these concepts on their children. Growing up is a tough enough task on its own without having to worry about being treated inferior to another sibling. Granted, this happens all the time in vanilla households, it just isn’t advertised that way.

    I think in many cases the idea of Female Supremacy is adopted in relation to flaws men see in themselves or men when surrounded by other men. e.g. I’ve been in far more “pissing contests” than I care to admit and it is a convenient excuse to believe that if a dominant woman were present that I would not engage in such a pointless display of ego. In reality a man should be able to control their own emotions and how they react to them. The idea of those activities happening in a corporate environment, government, etc. can be a bit scary. The same often applies to thing like buying tech gadgets or over-spending on obsessive hobbies: if she controlled the finances, the man wouldn’t waste his money on something he doesn’t need. That being said, I can shamefully admit that I once paid $125 for a rare out of print 7″ record from my favorite band in the pre-MP3 era to get two songs. For many, Female Supremacy is an easier pill to swallow than exerting self-control.

    I agree that isn’t wise to make assumptions that one person will be superior to another simply based upon their _______.

    Take care and thank you for sharing.

  3. As always, very thoughtful and well written.

    Even though I submit to MrsL at home in our relationship, we still maintain a “traditional” (if there is such a thing) family dynamic. We both work. We both discuss major financial decisions. And so on.

    No one person or gender is supreme to another.

  4. This was a wonderful read.

    Respect is earned. It is not handed over at first sight, in a lovely package, as an offering, based on a preconceived idea of who is automatically worthy. Doing so is no better than the sentiments expressed in creepy copy/paste mail received on fet (“Please, Mistress, let me kneel at your feet. I will do anything you wish.”) “Anything”? Really? You don’t even know me!

    No. Just … no.

    I am worthy of a great deal of respect but the only way to know that, is to get to know who I am as a person.

  5. I have nothing really constructive to add, I just thought it was a great read. Thought provoking, interesting and honest.

  6. Poster says:

    It’s a good read, but I think that what should be spoken about is when FLR/Dominance is used as abuse. There are cases where a person who has serious abuse in his past can be placed into a submissive state by female on male abuse, rationalized as female supremacy.

    These women do not know, or more accurately, do not care of the outcome when the guy finally realized what he has been made to do. This is nothing short (when talking about the supremacy mindset) of stockholm syndrome and trauma bonding.

    I see nothing wrong with consensual agreements with boundaries and limits and safewords. With that being said, BDSM as abuse allows zero recourse and it is traumatic when it has been long term. Edge play can create Complex-PTSD, and that’s what we’re talking about. Slave training is part of the extremes of FLR and female supremacy.

    Imagine waking up one day and realizing that you were subjected to mental and physical torture, sexual assault, non-consensual cuckolding, massive amounts of betrayal and cheating. Realizing that your free will was taken at some point, not even knowing exactly when. That you were being totally humiliated in certain circles without your knowledge. There is video recorded of you in a humiliating way that was shared publicly when you escaped.

    Then, to have female supremacists continue to ruin your reputation for two years following your escape from abuse. Having a divorce lawyer continue the abuse by using the legal system to continue inflicting emotional pain and stress through unneeded depositions, subpoenas of mental health records, employment records and falsifying financial documents. That’s enough to make anyone have mental issues. Put all that on top of when that man was a child and was molested by his own family, raped while in a boy’s home and had parents who are severely emotionally disturbed.

    No one will really speak out about this. When I have, I have been laughed at, humiliated, degraded and told by others that I have made all of this up.

    I have not.

    I am glad you are against this type of mindset, but you do not seem to understand the reality of the extremes of female supremacy mindsets and the resulting damage that I have been working for three years (and continuing) to resolve. The BDSM community as a whole seems to turn a blind eye to this. It almost seems acceptable, or possibly seen as collateral damage to the community. It is unacceptable to me.

    It is torture and she should be in prison for what she has done to me and her first ex-husband. But they get away with it, and I believe until this is brought to light, they will continue to do so.

  7. Thomas says:

    The first woman I lived with was nine years older, heavier and stronger than me. She was a casual user of cocaine. If she got mad at me while she was on coke she would beat me. Sometimes she whipped me with a belt. Role reversal.

    • Domina Jen says:

      Yeah, some women are absolutely terrible human beings. Just like some men. Basing someone’s superiority on their physical sex is just a bad idea. For a few thousand years, men were seen as superior. Yeah, that didn’t turn out so great. Why should seeing the other sex as superior be any better?

      • Thomas says:

        She definitely thought she was superior. She had me for two reasons – sex and housework. And the beatings and whippings usually had to do with housework. Usually. She was obsessed with oral sex. Never on me. Always on her. She made me do it numerous times a day. And if she thought I was not doing it right – out came the belt.

      • Domina Jen says:

        That sounds like a shitty situation. I’m glad you got out of it.

  8. Not a Name says:

    It’s not about who’s better at leading, or ready to lead. It’s about putting women in charge. Period. ‘Self-serving’ ‘cruel’ – these things matter not.
    Pussy does.

  9. […] 2013, tridesetogodišnja poliamorozna dominantna žena koja se predstavlja kao Domina Džen, je na svoj blog postavila tekst pod nazivom „Zašto više ne verujem u žensku supremaciju“, u kojem je izrazila slične […]

  10. Keith says:

    I agree with you. Jen. Several years ago I found out I was dom not sub, but ironically, it made me more open to the ideal of female supremacy. In the end I was talked out of it by my current slave (wholly consensual I assure you), a truly wonderful woman. Speaking of situations where dominance segues over into abuse, I used to frequent the Elise Sutton collection of sites. The author had an advice column setup for many years, and one of her correspondents wrote in to say her husband had expressed a desire to go back to college, and that she (the wife) had forbidden it. “Sutton” wrote back to encourage the woman and to assert it was her right to deny her husband the right to better himself. On another occasion, when a male correspondent wrote to her to say he had gone down the femdom road and found out thereby he actually was gay. “Sutton’s” reply asserted such a transition was impossible and her correspondent needed to embrace his inner submissive.

    Finally I like your idea that the intelligence bell curves find the average female a bit smarter than the average male (the peaks are at slightly different spots) but with males the tails at both ends of the curve are longer.

    • Domina Jen says:

      Yes, some women absolutely take it too far. Two *consenting* adults practicing female superiority because they both want it? Great. Shoving female superiority on others because reasons? No, fuck that.

      And thank you, but the thing about the intelligence bell curve actually isn’t an idea of mine. It was studied throughout a number of countries, and those were the results.

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