I was shown a link to a female supremacist blog, and exchanged a couple of emails with the owner of it, a submissive man in a Wife-Led Marriage. We both shared the sentiment that each other’s blogs were well-written and well thought-out, but we don’t agree with each other’s views.
And I have to say it’s such a relief to be able to have that kind of conversation. To be able to say to someone, “I don’t agree with you, but I respect you and the way you express your views.”
Needless to say, he believes in Female Supremacy.
Needless to say, I do not. Mostly.
So for those who may not know, Female Supremacy is the belief that society should be matriarchal, dominated by women, and that men are inferior and must therefore defer to and serve women.
This is not an ideology I follow.
First, I want to acknowledge that I’m not a fan of the binary, you’re-either-male-or-female sexuality. We already discussed that sexuality is a spectrum, and gender identity is the same way. Female supremacy sort of unintentionally reduces that spectrum by removing the middle parts.
It’s also difficult to nail down a “generalized” definition of female supremacy. The examples I find range from what I consider extreme to what I consider radical. Is it possible that there’s something I’m missing? Perhaps, but the very nature of the ideology lends itself to some practices that I consider pretty damn extreme.
That’s not my biggest problem with it, though. But before I get to why I don’t follow that mindset, I’ll explain why I don’t immediately discount it, either.
For the record (brace yourselves, ladies and gentlemen), I believe that females are biologically and physically superior to males.
Don’t freak out yet. Allow me to back that information up with some facts.
Let’s give men their due.
- They’re physically bigger, with more muscle mass and more upper body strength (ie, they’re stronger), with bigger lungs and more red blood cells (ie, more stamina). They’ve got stronger, larger, denser bones and muscle tissue than women, and have more hemoglobin, so they heal from wounds faster.
- Men also have a greater range in IQ than women. So, while there are more men with extremely low IQs than women, there are also more men with extremely high IQs.
- Men also remain fertile long after women, able to father children well into old age. They produce an infinite amount of sperm, while women have only so many eggs and can never make more. Gender also comes from sperm.
- Mentally, men are less prone to depression (caveat: they’re more prone to suicide), eating disorders, and anxiety. They’re less prone to stress, including post-traumatic stress disorder. Don’t get too excited, though, guys. There’s one hell of a “but” coming.
Let’s go back down the list.
- Men are superior to women in brute strength (by 50%) and lung function (by 30%), and can heal from injuries faster, but that’s where the superiority ends. And it starts at conception.
- Women have a stronger hold on life than men. Women pregnant with boys are more prone to miscarriage (140 boys are conceived for every 100 girls. But only 105 boys are born for every 100 girls). Boys are also more prone to SIDS.
- Women outlive men. More men die from every cause of death than women, with the exception of three: breast cancer, problems related to female reproduction (which I think should be thrown out, because obviously more men die from problems with male reproduction than women, but it is what it is), and benign tumors. After the age of 85, there are only 4 men for every six women. At the age of 100, there are only half as many men as women.
- Women produce more antibodies than men, and more quickly than men. They also have more white blood cells. This means they can fight off diseases more efficiently than men, and it doesn’t hit them as hard. Yes, the man cold is a real thing.
- The two X chromosomes also means that they’re less prone to X-chromosome-related disorders, such as color blindness and muscular dystrophy.
- Women have a slower basal metabolism and higher fat reserves. While this is annoying when trying to lose weight, it means that women can endure more extremes in temperature and can go longer without food and water.
- Women have a higher average IQ than men. Women consistently outscore men in Europe, the US, Canada, and New Zealand. It’s unclear whether they don’t outscore men in other countries, or whether other countries were not included in the study.
- Women can actually bear children. Many believe that this it what has made women evolve to handle pain better than men. Studies have shown that women experience pain differently than men, and even feel it to a higher degree. But they can handle it better than men (caveat: pain is subjective, so it’s difficult to do scientific studies on it).
- Women are more prone to stress, but can handle it better (again, subjective, but has been consistent through multiple studies, and women’s brains do produce more oxytocin). Women are less prone to developmental psychiatric disorders (like autism and Tourette’s), less prone to psycopathy , and antisocial personality disorder. Women also have better memories than men, and are better at multitasking. They also score higher on empathy and seem to have more emotional intelligence than men (again, subjective, blah blah blah). They can also pick up on more subtle body language, giving them an edge up on communication (this should be no surprise to anyone. Men don’t generally do subtle all that well).
- Women’s senses are more acute. They can pick up on slight variations of color better than men, they’re five and a half times less likely to lose their hearing than men, they have 50% more neurons in the olfactory center of their brains, giving them more sensitivity to both smell and taste. Touch is tricky, because one study found that size, not gender, is key in sensitivity to touch. However, since most women tend to be smaller than most men, they are more sensitive.
I’ll even go a step further. The International Journal of Business Governance and Ethics recently published research showing that companies run and led by females are more successful than companies run and led by males. A Pew research poll found that both men and women agree that women make fairer, more compassionate, and more trustworthy leaders.
And then you have places like Peru and Russia, who have begun switching to female-dominated law enforcement because women’s superior psychological, communication, and negotiation skills make them more efficient and better able to handle volatile situations.
So I mean the stuff is out there. All you have to do is look it up. And for the sake of saving time, I’m not going to go into the theory that people were matriarchal, if not completely female-dominated, in the Neolithic period and before. The archaeologist in me is pissed off about that but that obsessive bitch is just going to have to deal.
Yes, I believe that, on the whole, women are biologically superior to men (Don’t get too excited though, ladies. There’s one hell of a but coming).
I am not a fan of any of the supremacy ideologies, female supremacy included. Because I don’t want respect just because I’m a woman. That feels fake and empty. I want to be respected because of my actions, because of who I am.
There are countless women who are weak-willed, weak-minded, self-serving, and cruel. I’ve known too many women who do not deserve any kind of respect. And the idea of those women being in charge of anything or anyone is fucking terrifying.
Take Lia, the teenager who’s living with us. I don’t trust her to be in any kind of position of control or authority, and the fact that she continues to be controlling and abusive to her (unwilling and nonconsensual) boyfriend further proves that. I’ve repeatedly told her boyfriend to take control of her and put her on a leash, because that’s the only way to get through to her. He’s more capable of it than she is.
I’ve also read stories about people living in female supremacist households with children, and training their sons to defer completely to their sisters (sometimes to what I consider disturbing extremes) and training daughters not to defer to their fathers.
Here’s the thing. Once, a long time ago, I wrote about children and consent. Human psychology is a very complex thing, and it takes a period of years for the brain to fully develop and mature.
How many years? 25.
Until that point, the brain is still developing. The brain has not yet reached its full maturity. It has not realized its full potential. It has not yet made all the connections it’s supposed to make.
More than that, until the prefrontal cortex is done developing (which, lest we forget, takes 25 goddamn years), we think primarily with the amygdala. You know, the primitive, emotional part of the brain that houses our fight-or-flight reflex, impulsive, destructive tendencies, our fear, our aggression, our anxiety, and all that fun shit.
They cannot make full use of their prefrontal cortex (the rational, logical part of the brain) because it’s not finished yet. Our executive functions (which allows us to help assess risk, think ahead, evaluate ourselves, set goals, and regulate our emotions) are not fully developed yet.
So why is it a good idea to give a teenage daughter any kind of authority over her father, an adult with the mental capacities she does not yet possess? One example described an instance where a teenage daughter was given the authority to slap her father if he disobeyed her.
Because she is still thinking primarily with the amygdala, she is scientifically incapable of regulating emotion, understanding emotionally complex situations, determining the long-term consequences of her actions, and recognizing a difference between consensual discipline (between consenting adults) and abuse. Giving a young girl the power to punish someone, and literally actively encouraging her not to respect another human being (and her father) just because he’s male seems like a bad idea.
Let’s change “women” and “men” to “white people” and “black people,” and rewrite that last sentence.
Giving a young white person the power to punish someone, and literally actively encouraging her not to respect another human being just because he’s black seems like a bad idea.
Pretty fucking disturbing, right? It’s literally the same message. The exact same message. And a teenager is incapable of recognizing the difference between that and two consenting adults engaging in a lifestyle that they both desire.
If my spawn ever slapped Kazander, oooh, would there be hell to pay.
Teaching sons to respect women is good, obviously, but teaching them that they literally don’t matter as much as their female siblings? Holy shit, dude.
My point is that children’s brains are not fully developed, so they are incapable of giving informed consent. It’s technically not illegal, but it seems unethical to push that on a child.
One gender being superior to another seems like a bad idea. We went through thousands of years of men being seen and superior, and that really didn’t go all that well. There’s no reason to think it would be any better with women being seen as superior.
And again, too many women are weak and incapable of leading anyone. Giving them respect and deference simply because they’re women seems like it would open doors to a host of problems.
And there’s another thing common to many female supremacy relationships. The men are consistently not given the chance to speak (like, at all), not given much free will, and are expected to do all chores and all housework, along with going to work, while the wife stays home and socializes.
If that’s what the men want, then more power to them. They’re certainly entitled to what they want. It’s just not for me.
Here’s why. I love and adore and respect my boys. I love that I can have engaging conversations with them. I love that they can make me laugh. I love that I can go out for drinks with them, or go out to dinner, or go to the movies, and have just as much fun as I would completely and utterly degrading them, objectifying them, and fucking them raw.
I read of one man whose wife does not allow him to speak or participate in conversations. At all. She gives him five minutes before bed when he can ask questions, voice concerns, reaffirm his love for her, whatever. Other than that, from the moment he gets home from work til the moment he leaves again in the morning, he is not allowed to speak.
Which he says he loves. That’s what he wants, that provides him the opportunity to let go of the stress of the day and just focus on his wife, so that works for him. And that’s great. That’s awesome, more power to them.
But holy hell, I’d be so goddamn bored! Like, I’d be setting shit on fire after a week of that.
I like that my boys are strong and worthy of my respect. I like that they’re smart, and funny, and have a whole host of traits that make them incredibly precious to me. I love that I respect them. I love owning those dynamic, passionate, vibrant, complex men. Hell no, I would never want to reduce them to what I’ve read about in the female supremacist blogs. I’d never want to take away the personalities I fell in love with.
My boys could never follow a weak woman. And I could never expect them to.
So no, female supremacy is not for me.