I like to cuddle just as much as the next person. I love lying in bed with Kazander resting his head on my shoulder, his arms and legs wrapped around me. I love sitting on the couch with Sounder and pulling him close. I love when Steel curls up in my lap.
It feels awesome, and I love it.
But there is one thing I love decidedly more than cuddling. And that is sleeping.
Cuddle all you want. But when I’m ready to roll over and go to sleep, get the fuck off me and stay on your side of the bed.
Like seriously. Stay there. Sleep time and cuddle time do not overlap.
I’ve been told I can be downright mean in the middle of the night if someone comes up behind me to spoon while I’m asleep.
Which, by the way, I don’t remember doing. But multiple partners have told me that over the years, who have never met or spoken to each other, so I assume it’s true. And I have gotten better about that. Now, for whatever reason (maybe I’m just more aware of it) it’ll wake me up, and I’ll make sure I’m nice.
When Kazander has done that, I’ll wake up, put my hand over his, and let him spoon until I get hot or uncomfortable, then I’ll wake up again, push him off me, and go back to sleep. No meanness.
Also, waking me up in the morning can often require a hostage-negotiator level of tact and diplomacy. Although again, I’ve gotten better. I don’t throw my phone at whoever is trying to wake me up anymore usually.
It’s part of my neuroses. I like my sleep. And I am the polar opposite of a morning person. I once lamented to Sounder that I had to wake up at the ass-crack of dawn for something (ie, 8 am).
I like my sleep. And I like my space when I sleep.
Kazander has taken that a step further. Over the last few months, he’s started to sleep on the couch in the living room.
He’s not there every night, but definitely most. He maybe only sleeps in bed with me once a week or so.
And I love this arrangement. Particularly since, regardless of how big the bed is, he likes to sleep on-fucking-top of me.
It’s sweet, and I can’t be mad at him for wanting to be close, but ugh, get off me.
The couch thing didn’t start because of an argument or anything. We can blame it on the spawn, actually. She’s not a morning person, either (which makes me sublimely happy), but she does have the habit of coming into our room at 4 or 5 in the morning, wanting to watch TV or some water or whateverthefuckelse a 4-year-old can think of, and falling back asleep either in our bed or in her bean bag chair.
I can wake up, put on Peppa Pig (which I’m convinced was created by angry child-haters bent on getting back at all the people who reproduced. Like, a bunch of people sat in a room and said, “All these fucking obnoxious kids are everywhere. We hate them. How can we get revenge on those stupid assholes who created them? What is the absolute worst thing we could do to torture them for making all these fucking kids?” And the answer to that was Peppa Pig. I’m serious, it’s fucking brutal. You cannot convince me that show was created under any other circumstances).
What was I talking about?
So I can wake up, get her whatever she needs, and fall immediately back to sleep. Kazander cannot. When she comes in at 3am and wakes us up, he can’t get back to sleep. He’s up for the rest of the night.
So he took to sleeping on the couch, she leaves him alone, he gets a full night’s sleep, and I get the bed to myself and don’t have a 10,000 degree blanket wanting to get all up on me in the middle of the night.
And with nights like tonight, it’s actually kind of hot.
We were getting ready for bed, I was standing in the bedroom next to the bed, plugging my phone in, when he came up to hug me. I smacked his ass, and when he tried his typical move of pushing me off balance so I fall onto the bed, I responded by hip-tossing him onto the bed instead (which, due to a recent shoulder injury, is a move I’m hugely regretting right now. Not my brightest moment. But he wasn’t expecting it, and his reaction was hot, so it was worth it).
I held his arms down and bit his nipples and his ear, grinning when he gasped and squirmed.
Really, he squirms so pretty.
Funny how a knee placed strategically between his legs quiets that squirming, though.
He tried to adjust my grip or move my hand or something, I don’t know, so I let go of one wrist to roughly shove his head to the side and bite his neck, while rubbing his dick with my knee.
“You’re my bitch,” I whispered, gripping his balls hard enough to make him moan.
“I’m your bitch.”
“Good boy. Now get the fuck off my bed. Hurry up, or you’ll end up sleeping in a kennel in the closet.”
He whined once, then got off the bed, dropped to his knees, and kissed my ass like the good bitch he is before going back out to the living room for the night.