So I have my quirks.
But it’s alright. I’ve embraced my neuroses, and the people in my life either keep up or fade away. Or they get violently booted out of my life and I set their car on fire.
Red looks like he’s going to be one of the latter. I woke up to a 6-text-long tirade about Texas being controlling and abusive, and (and this is what set off my burn-it-all-to-the-ground-o-meter) implying that I was going to get her killed by allowing him to stay with her.
I organized my thoughts, wrote a reply, but hesitated before sending it. It’s one of those point-of-no-return things. I mean every damn word I wrote, and will say it to his face (and a good deal of it, I have said to his face), but I send that, and I’ll most likely lose Red as a friend. More than that, my whole family and Kazander’s family will lose him as a friend.
It’ll be a pretty complete bridge burning.
So instead, I talked to Sounder. I showed him the texts and the reply I had cocked and ready, and vented to him a bit. He listened patiently, offered some advice and wisdom, and helped me get centered again. I decided not to send it, hoping that Red would calm down and cool off.
Now I don’t think I have a choice. A conversation after dinner with Kazander’s sister and her husband let me know that there was no way to fix this situation if Red doesn’t back off, and it’ll just continue to escalate.
The problem is that there is only one man somewhat capable of physically restraining Red, should the shit hit the fan and he decide to go after Texas. That man is Kazander, and despite Kazander being a great deal taller than Red, he’ll still have trouble. My brother in law has been sick for years and is not in shape to restrain him.
More than that, BIL is going out of town for work, and will be gone for weeks. Kazander works during the day. That leaves his sister and me.
I am no delicate fucking flower. I’m 5’9,” I’ve taught martial arts, and I can take care of myself. But I’m not in the shape I was in when I taught martial arts, and I don’t lift weights every day, like he does. SIL and I won’t be able to hold him if he decides to go after Texas. And it’s just us and the kids during the day.
SIL is not the most emotionally stable person to begin with, and the stress and tension is getting to her. She feels uncomfortable in her own house, the kids feel uncomfortable, and even I’m uncomfortable as fuck with this whole thing.
Red’s getting worse. He blew up my phone, Kazander’s phone, SIL’s phone, and my mother in law’s phones today. He’s being threatening, crossing limits, and bullying the people not strong enough to tell him to fuck off.
Fine. So he’s worried about people being “controlling?” Oh, he’ll get “controlling.”
You’ve never seen “controlling” until you’ve pissed off a Dominant. It took him weeks, but today he finally managed to piss me off.
The first thing I did after reading his text in the morning was to tell Lia to block his number again, and she is not to unblock it, for any reason, without my permission. I spoke with SIL after dinner and asked if she’d be alright if I took point on the whole thing, and her response was an immediate “Yes, please.”
“Great. So change the locks. This weekend. He’s not sneaking up on us again and showing up unexpectedly like he did last time.”
“It’ll be done.”
“Good. I’ll tell him that I blocked his number from Lia’s phone, that I changed the locks, and that I will not allow him around her without another adult present. If he calls or texts you or your mom, tell him he can talk to me if he has a problem.”
He’s never seen “controlling.” Oh, but he will. And I can out-bully any bully.
I never once claimed to be a good person, people.
So this whole thing is going to explode spectacularly. It’s great. Everything is great.
So there’s been a bit of stress. And I needed to relieve some of it.
Enter my husband.
He’s been a bit tense with this whole thing, and the regular work nonsense, and with my tension and stress, not much kinky fun has been going on.
That needed to change. So last night, he fell asleep on the couch, and I decided I wanted to cum.
What is one to do when one wants oral and one’s submissive is sleeping on the couch?
Wake him up by straddling him and shoving one’s pussy in his face.
It was so cute. For the first few seconds, he was all confused. But then, when he realized what was being shoved in his mouth, he suddenly became quite eager and wrapped his arms around my waist as I rode his face.
But I can’t cum while sitting up, and wanted to lie down and relax and make him do all the work, anyway. We went to the bedroom, where I grabbed him by his hair and shoved him back between my legs. He obediently licked like the good little bitch he is, and I decided to reward him by letting him cum.
One of my favorite ways to make him cum is by letting him hump my leg. Like a cute little dog. So he laid his head on my hip, wrapped his body around my leg, and humped enthusiastically while I reminded him why he can’t fuck me like a real man.
It was fun.
Oh, and in other news, I’m going to visit my psychotic mother in a couple of months. Spending twelve days with her is not something I’m looking forward to. And even Sounder expressed sympathy for whatever poor North Carolinian idiot happens to say the wrong thing when I’m already on edge from being with my mother, and ends up getting his hair/clothes/car/house/whatever set on fire.
The boy knows me too well.
So it’s going to be interesting.
There is one bright spot to that visit, and that’s Steel. I haven’t seen him since December, and the distance is really weighing heavy on both of us.
I hate when he crashes, or feels lost and lonely, and I can’t be there to help him. I don’t do “helpless” well, and knowing someone I love is suffering because I’m not there, and knowing that I can’t make it stop, bothers the hell out of me. There is no combination of words in any language to describe my eagerness in seeing him again.
I arranged for my flight to get in to the city he lives in, rather than the city closest to where my mom lives. He’s going to pick me up from the airport, we’ll get some dinner, and then he’ll drive me to my mom’s house.
I’ll have the spawn with me, so there won’t be able to be any super amazing fun, but we’re both at a point where we just need some time together, regardless of the setting and what we can or cannot do. That and he really needs to feel my collar again. I keep his collar with me (it’s with me 24/7) and it bothers him when he can’t wear it. He asked if I’d be willing to lock it around his neck as soon as I see him at the airport.
Of course that was already my plan. He’s not the only one who dislikes the absence of the collar. He’s mine. He’s collared and owned, and I’m proud as fuck to own him. Of course I want him to wear it all the time.
And he will, when he’s with me, where he belongs. I’ll lock it on him and it won’t come off. For now, separated by a country, we do what we can.
He’ll get a few hours of wearing it that first night. It’s a bit of a drive from his city to the little town where my mom lives. And then we’ll work on arranging a second, more private visit, in which he can spend some time naked, plugged, collared, and curled up in my lap.
Having that time with him will go a long way toward not setting the state on fire.