Men are “evil”… Or something…

It all started when I stumbled across a word in an article I’d never heard before: misandry.

Being the English junkie that I am, the fact that there existed a word unfamiliar to me was irritating.  So I did the worst possible thing I could have done.

I Googled it.

Holyfuckingshit.

M’kay, so in case you are, like I was, living happily in your ignorance, I’ll lay some education down.

Misandry is the dislike of, contempt for, or ingrained prejudice against men (i.e., the male sex).

Okay, so man-hating.

Now don’t get me wrong, I’m not completely naive.  I knew man-hating was a thing.  But I didn’t know it was this much of a thing.  Like, holyfuckingshit.

So over the course of the next 5-ish hours, I read article after article, blog after blog, essay after essay, getting more and more pissed-the-fuck-off.

One of my favorites is this blog post written by a proud misandrist (and FYI, I’m irritated as fuck that the word “misandrist” is in WordPress’ dictionary, but “unexplainable” is not, and comes up as a mispelled word).

In it, she says,

I hate men. Yes, I am a feminist. No, not all feminists hate men. But at this point in my life I have begun to wonder why any woman with half a brain would NOT hate men.

The fuck?

She then goes on to give a list of why men are evil.  Some of these items are rape, murder, wife/girlfriend beating, porn, BDSM, forced pregnancy and birth, and giving a fetus more rights than the woman carrying it.

M’kay, so yes, let’s all take a moment to acknowledge that there are evil people out there, and that a number of them happen to be men.  Rapists, child-molesters, abusers, all kinds of trash exist.

Let’s first look at the rape thing.  Yes, rape is common.  It happens to a lot of women, it’s revolting that a man would do that to a woman, and it sucks.  Having been raped (twice) myself, I can tell you it sucks.  I’m not trying to trivialize that, or what the victims of rape have gone through.

However

There are a couple of problems with putting rape on a list of reasons why men are evil.

Firstly, women are not the only victims of rape.  Secondly, men are not the only rapists.  And thirdly, 20% more men than women have acquiesced to unwanted sexual intercourse in college (46% against 63%).

Now, we do need to acknowledge that the 46% of women acquiescing to sex they don’t want sucks.  That’s a high number.  But that’s not what we’re discussing (and I’ll get to that in a minute).

Let’s look at that 63%.  Does that number bother anybody?  More than half of men have been coerced into having sex they didn’t want.  Why is this not a huge fucking deal?

Because culture, that’s why (and yes, I’m letting out my inner anthropologist).  Because when it happens to a guy, it’s not rape.  He’s hard, so he had to have wanted it.  Only a pussy wouldn’t want sex every chance he can get.  Because we condition men to be the very things we despise them for.  We hate men because they’re sex-crazed hound dogs.  But if a man isn’t a sex-crazed hound dog, he’s not a “real man.”

It’s also interesting to note that of all victims of sexual abuse, almost 40% are boys, and more than half of the time, it’s perpetrated by a woman.  Combine that with prison rape and rape that goes unreported, and now you have to face the very disturbing truth that men are sexually abused and sexually assaulted more than women.

“But what about women who are raped and don’t report it?  You can’t acknowledge one without the other.”

You’re absolutely right, I can’t.  There are women who are raped and don’t report it.

However

False accusations of rape have become a problem.  There’s also token resistance, in which a woman says “no,” but actually wants sex (and in that study, 34% of women admitted to token resistance).

In a study of 556 rape allegations, 256 were unable to be verified as rape.  Of the 300 authenticated cases, 220 were judged to be truthful, and 80 were judged to be false.  Now, in order to be judged “false” for the study, one of more of the following criteria had to be met: the victim unequivocally admitted to false allegation, indicated deception in a polygraph test, and provided a plausible recantation. Even by these strict standards, slightly more than one out of four rape charges were judged to be false.

Holyfuckingshit.  One out of four?  Even if that number is skewed, it’s ridiculous.  Let’s say instead that it’s one out of ten.  That’s still a huge fucking problem.  Hell, a man doesn’t even need to be convicted of rape nowadays.  Just an accusation can completely destroy his life.

And the definition of rape is getting so hazy.  Especially when 34% of women admit to saying “no” when they want sex, and 55% of women have actually given explicit consent to sex they didn’t want.  How the hell can we expect men to navigate through all that?

So yes, men are the victims of sexual abuse and sexual assault (including rape) more often than women, regardless of the gender of the rapist.

And the same goes for violent crime.  Both male and female attackers are more likely to commit violent crimes against men than women.

The porn and BDSM thing is beyond ridiculous.  If you really want to be pissed off at humanity in general, you can go read this, from the fine folks at the Liberation Collective.  But for the sake of your sanity, I’ll just post the key point here.

The existence of male submissives in BDSM practice does nothing to excuse, nullify, or disprove the fact that BDSM is violence against women. We know that liberated sexuality does not follow the patriarchal model of dominance and submission, and that BDSM is the normalization of domestic violence.

I mean really?  Because a woman can’t possibly enjoy submitting to a man, right?  She can’t know herself and her desires, and be confident in who she is and what she wants out of a relationship dynamic, right?

No, we have to do her thinking for her.  A woman can’t be trusted to make her own decisions, so we have to make them, and lay out what we consider to be an acceptable lifestyle for women to lead.

Because we respect women and we’re feminists.

Fuck feminists.

Fun fact, even in the comments, a woman said that she is submissive, and a masochist, but because her husband is not sadistic, she will lead the sexual play, tell him what to do, where, and how hard, and he will obey her.  She points out that the extreme examples of BDSM abuse listed in the post are abuse, masquerading as kink, and are not representative of the consensual play that sane people engage in.

The author responded by saying, “Because we grow up in a male dominated society, we are conditioned to like a lot of things that reinforce that dynamic, and we believe BDSM is one of those things.”

So she literally told the woman that she enjoys BDSM because she has been brainwashed and doesn’t know any better.

No, seriously.  Fuck feminists and their first-world problems.  You can vote, you’re treated as a human being and not a possession, and you don’t get punished for being raped.  No really, because one link isn’t enough.  You don’t get punished for being raped.

Want another link?  You don’t fucking get stoned for being raped, you whiny cunts.

Want more?  I’ve got more.

Oh, but go ahead and complain about why women don’t star in every fucking action movie and how female video game characters are sexy and how that’s so damaging to the gender.  Or that submissive women are brainwashed and stupid.  Or that stay-at-home moms are contributing to the Patriarchy.  Go ahead.  Bitch some more about how a man being given any sort of leeway in pretty much any sort of situation is damaging to women.  Go ahead and continue your armchair activism and rant and rave all over social media, while women in numerous cultures are actually oppressed.

But back to the blog post and the rampant stupidity that exists there.

Furthermore, men who are Dominant are rapists, and men who are submissive are sexist pigs “trying on” a temporary role.

Well, let me tell you something.  There’s nothing temporary about what I expect of my men.  Whether I’m beating his ass, talking on the phone, out at dinner, or hanging with friends or family, he’s still fucking mine, and I expect him to keep that in mind.  And while I won’t punish him or make our dynamic known around certain circles, I won’t forget a lapse in respectful behavior.  The notion that it’s temporary, or that it’s a game, is actually offensive to me and the lifestyle I lead with my subs.

But the author talks about men being able to put the ball gag away and go back to their life of male privilege, while women are forced to experience the “day to day sexual terrorism” that makes up our lives.

And I saw this written somewhere else, by another proud misandrist.  It’s the whole “male privilege” thing.  That men can’t possibly know what it feels like to constantly be objectified and ogled the way women are.

And alright, I’ve got to give the misandrists that.  No, men don’t know what it’s like to be a woman.  A man will probably never experience being made uncomfortable when someone you considered a friend crosses a line physically (which happened to me Friday, incidentally, and is such a common occurrence in my life, I didn’t even bother telling Kazander about it).  A man will probably never experience the discomfort that comes from the casual, cavalier, and condescending way men talk to women, as if there’s some innate sense that they have a right to our bodies.

I give them that.  A man will never know what I go through, living as a woman.

But you wanna know what?

I’ll never know what a black person goes through, because of their skin color.  I’ll never experience that bias and that prejudice.

I’ll never know what my Muslim aunt goes through, because she is a practicing Muslim, and while she’s not Arabic, she looks like it.

I’ll never know what a handicapped person goes through.  I’ll never know what a trans person goes through.  I’ll never know what a 500-pound person goes through.  I’ll never know what a mentally-handicapped person goes through.  I’ll never know what a shit-ton of people go through, because I’m white-ish, I’m able-bodied, I’m not morbidly obese, and I just don’t know what it’s like to experience prejudice directed toward groups of people I don’t belong to.  I just don’t know.

Does that make me a bad person?  No.  Most people experience some sort of privilege.  White privilege does not make white people bad, just like male privilege does not make men bad.  We need to stop vilifying each other.  The man who experienced male privilege Friday night was shrugged off and told, in no uncertain terms, that I have zero interest in any man who is not submissive, and that was the end of the conversation.  It doesn’t make him bad.  It doesn’t make him my enemy.  It doesn’t make him into an evil Patriarchy demon who needs to be exorcised.

He’s a fucking human being.  Human beings tend to fuck up.  A lot.  Being the insensitive, often non-PC, blunt-ass bitch that I am, I sure as hell am in no goddamn position to be able to judge anyone else for being insensitive.

Now, moving on to the most touchy subject of all… the rights of an unborn fetus.

For the record, I’m pro-choice.  However, I believe it’s the wrong fucking choice and will never advocate for abortion, and became suicidal when a rape while I was a minor ended with a pregnancy that my Catholic parents insisted be terminated.  Took more than double the normal dose of anesthetic to knock me out, because I fought it so hard.  I actually just recently found out my mother still harbors guilt over it, which is gloriously satisfying, and I’m not the least bit ashamed to admit that, regardless of how petty it is (I never claimed to be a good person, y’all).

Incidentally, that was also the first time I learned that ever-important lesson that not all people who claim to be Christian are actually Christian.  They’re Christian while it’s convenient.

Still, I’m pro-choice.  I don’t agree with the choice, but that’s kind of the point of living in a free country.  I don’t have to agree.

However, there’s a huge fucking problem in this country, where being a man automatically puts you at a massive disadvantage, and that’s with anything involving children.  There is no such thing as male privilege when it comes to children.

Sounder once mentioned that he’d love to coach a little-league team.  I asked him why he didn’t do it, and he said, “I’m a bachelor with no kids.  I can’t be anywhere around kids.”

At first, I looked at him like he was an idiot.  But that stuck with me, and the more I thought about it, the more I looked at the moms at the park or the playdates, the more I realized he was right.

So I started asking my friends and acquaintances if they’d be comfortable with a childless bachelor coaching their kids.  The most relaxed response came from my best friend, who said, “I’d be okay with it, but I wouldn’t let him be anywhere alone with my son.”

What the fuck?  This is a thing?  Where the hell have I been that I didn’t know this was a thing?

I was stunned.  Sounder was completely right.  It is socially unacceptable for an unmarried man with no kids to be around kids.  Just because he’s a man.

An unmarried woman with no kids is fine.  She just likes kids.  She’s got a nurturing spirit.  She likes to give back to the youth of the community.  But a man can’t like kids without having his motives called into question.

And then you look at situations like what Kazander and I faced four years ago, when the spawn was born.  We weren’t married, and according to Nevada law, in order for him to be acknowledged on her birth certificate as her father, he needed to sign away his right to ever ask for a paternity test.

It didn’t matter what I said.  I told the woman, “But I’m telling you, he’s the father.  You can see that we’ve lived together for a year.  I’m on his insurance.”

Nothing I said made any difference.  They wouldn’t even give her his last name without it, even when that’s what I said I wanted.

And I’ve got to give him credit, he was way less pissed than I was about it.  He signed the waiver, his name was added to her birth certificate, and life went on.

But that still pisses me off.  Because we weren’t married, in order for him to be given his parental rights, he had to sign away one of his parental rights.

I mean, in the big scheme of things, it doesn’t really matter, I guess.  She is his kid, without a doubt, and a paternity test would reveal that.  But it’s the principle of the thing, and it’s ridiculous.

Fathers get shafted in pretty much every facet of parenthood.  I’m sure some of you have heard about that 20-year-old in Utah, who wanted custody of his newborn daughter.  The mother didn’t want the child, so instead of giving her to the father, the mother put it up for adoption.  In Utah, you don’t need the father’s signature to put a baby up for adoption.  And, because Utah’s laws are so horrendous, the chances of him ever getting his daughter back are basically nothing.

One of my exes experienced something similar, when he found out his previous girlfriend was pregnant.  He was ecstatic and wanted the baby, and she went behind his back and got an abortion.

Why is that considered okay?  Why does a mother have more rights than a father?

In a situation involving consensual sex between adults, why doesn’t the father have as much right to the unborn child as the mother?

Because it’s in her body?

That’s bullshit, and you all know it.  So what, in that situation, women can’t be expected to follow through with their mistakes?  She made a bad decision, and had unprotected sex, and now she’s pregnant.  But she’s a woman, and we can’t hold her accountable for that bad decision, so we have to make sure she has an easy way out available to her, regardless of the father’s wishes.

You do realize we’re making the problem worse with that kind of mindset, right?  Not only are we making enemies of a number of men who actually want to be genuine, present, supportive fathers, but we’re teaching women, we’re teaching our daughters that a) life is disposable, particularly if it’s really inconvenient, b) when you make a mistake, the quick, easy way out is the best, and c) who the fuck cares what men want?

Women are not idiots.  Women are not weak-willed.  Women are not unable to understand the consequences of their actions.  Can we stop treating them like they are?  Yes, it’s her body that the fetus is growing in.  But unless there is another factor at play, that would inhibit her ability to make decisions with potentially far-reaching consequences, she needs to be treated like an adult. She knows the possible consequences of having unprotected sex.  She knows that no form of birth control is 100% effective.  If she chooses to have sex anyway, and becomes pregnant, and the father actually wants the baby, he deserves some kind of say in the matter.

This idea that the father has zero rights is just wrong.  He should have just as much right to the being he helped create.

Especially when my own personal experience has shown that, when the opposite is true, everyone is so onboard with not being made to abort a pregnancy that one of the parents wants.  When the mother wants the baby, but the father does not, he “needs to be held accountable for his actions and be a father.”  When the father wants the baby, but the mother does not, then “fuck you.  It’s my body, it’s my right.”

What is equal about that?  Where’s the equality in that?  Where’s that male privilege everyone keeps harping about?

And more importantly, why does fighting to have the same rights over their children as the mother make men evil?  They’re not trying to take our rights away.  They’re trying to be treated as equals.

Gee, sound familiar?  And yet women, who should be seriously empathetic to that plight, fight tooth and nail against it.  We don’t want the fathers of our children to have the same rights we do.

But men are the bad guys.  Right………..

Besides, giving a fetus more rights than the woman carrying it is not a man-thing.  That’s a religion-thing.  And quite a few women are pro-life.  We can’t blame men for that.

Oh, wait, yes we can.  Because the pro-life women have been brainwashed to think the way men tell them to think.  Because they don’t follow our set of rules for what a woman should be, and therefore can’t be intelligent or strong-willed.  Because they believe something different, so they have to be stupid, or ignorant, or brainwashed by the evil Patriarchy.  Because it’s completely inconceivable to think that an intelligent woman can think differently than you do.

Misandry is a laughable concept.  This notion that men are evil, and that the Patriarchy is evil (or that it exists), is a laughable concept, and those who follow that belief are idiots.

The sad thing is that there are actually male misandrists.  Sociologist Allan Johnson wrote, “Given the reality of women’s oppression, male privilege, and some men’s enforcement of both, it’s hardly surprising that EVERY woman should have moments when she resents or even ‘hates’ men.”

Are you serious?

I happen to like men.  I happen to think they’re pretty fucking awesome.  Sure, I went through somewhat of a man-hating phase (although you can’t really even call it that… it was more like a man-sorta-disliking phase) back when I was a teenager, and fucking immature and stupid, but once I grew up and stopped being immature and stupid, I realized how ridiculous that was.

So yeah, misandrists are immature and stupid.

15 thoughts on “Men are “evil”… Or something…

  1. sydney robare says:

    thank you / puppyboy 56

  2. You are so awesome in so many ways…this post is incredible!

  3. Ms. Killjoy says:

    Apologies for disjointed thoughts: there’s no coffee in the house this morning.

    Feminists who hate men exist. There are also TERFs, Trans Exclusionary Radical Feminists, who don’t believe that transwomen are women. There are feminists who do things like, I dunno, walk up to you in a park and shame you for being a SAHM.
    I don’t agree with either of those things and I find being lumped in with those feminists because we share a tentpole ideology to be incredibly intellectually lazy. I’m a staunch feminist because I believe that the fact that there are more CEOs named John than there are female CEOs ( http://www.nytimes.com/2015/03/03/upshot/fewer-women-run-big-companies-than-men-named-john.html ) has more to do with women being shut out than men’s natural aptitude. I can’t think of a single feminist I know IRL who is a TERF or hates men (most of them have been/are partnered with men) or thinks that women are obliged to choose a career when they’d prefer to be a SAHM. Not one. Online, most of the feminists I know have indicated that they don’t believe any of those things either, but I don’t know all of them well enough to say with surety, just that they’ve never said anything indicating that they DO believe these things. As a generality, I think saying feminists are man-haters is pretty goddamn laughable, even if there are blogs out there by individuals who do hate men. For extra fun, some (though yes, not all and I couldn’t say how many) of those blogs/twitter accounts are set up by male red pillers/gamergaters to discredit feminism. They tend to talk in internet public about doing so, and link to them from the forums they inhabit, so we know it happens.

    Re: false rape. That particular study is really fucked: there’s a couple of paragraphs about it in the wikipedia article about false accusations ( https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/False_accusation_of_rape ), including criticism by the director of the Men’s Sexual Trauma Research Project. Most other studies put it much lower and have more strenuous criteria.

    I’m side-eying that whole blog (especially after taking a look at the overview of the blog, but I shall confine myself to this one post), given the cherry picked studies, etc. Take “Second and Third Wave Feminism were built on the foundation of the myth of Patriarchy and Misogyny, and used ideologically biased or cherry-picked research to support their thesis. There was little research into men’s disadvantages in modern American culture for the same reason that men don’t report domestic abuse by women against them – men are biologically and culturally conditioned to “suck it up” and “take it like a man” and don’t generally perceive themselves as victims or complain about victimization when it does occur.”

    First: lol at the charge of cherry picking, pot. I have a kettle I’d like you to meet. People like to say that Patriarchy and Misogyny aren’t a thing, but what they don’t get is that those words are used by feminists (as a whole, not as individuals) to talk about society, not individual people. The patriarchy doesn’t mean that all dudes lives are awesome, it just means that all things being equal, a dude is assumed to be more awesome than a woman and that there is a place for women and a place for men and never the twain shall meet, because why would he even go in the kitchen. Likewise, men are not all misogynists, but our society has been steeping in the idea of the place for men and the place for women for so long that it oozes out of our speech, our media, they way we treat both men and women. See above in “biologically conditioned” … uh. What gland produces the “suck it up” hormone? It’s a patently ridiculous idea that men are biologically more stoic, but it’s an idea that gets repeated again and again because … well just because. Everybody knows, right?

    Men too. Feminists tend to talk a lot about toxic masculinity, that thing that punishes men for not fitting into a box,. That thing that makes men berate their sons for playing with dolls and toy kitchens, that teaches them that being feminine is the worst thing you could do and that feelings are girly, to the point where men with depression eat a gun instead of talking about their feelings. Where men are allowed to be vicious to each other in their interactions, but being verbally supportive is just not something they do. It’s not true of every man out there, there are so many exceptions, but it’s the larger society that keeps grinding out the same old story about how dudes are expected to be MEN and how that has these expectations and the failure mode of masculine is feminine.

    I’m also a bit shocked by your seeming to state that you have discovered that “feminists hate BDSM!” because some of the most wonderful feminists I’ve ever met are kinky, and the conversations about the intersection of kink and feminism are a frequent topic, which includes the conversations we have with male allies. We’re not that rare either, as I run into other feminists in all sorts of kink circles, and kinky people in feminist circles.

    Lastly, because I have to shower and sweet babby cheebus is this disjointed, I’ve never been in a conversation about privilege where people where being shamed for having it; merely talking about how many people are unaware of it, or insist they don’t have it at all because their life isn’t awesome, even though privilege is intersectional (a white man and a black man will have male privilege, but a black man will not have white privilege, and that intersection means he doesn’t always have that advantage) and also not a barrier to life taking a shit on an individual. Do some people throw the word “privilege” around as some sort of conversational win-condition, to shut down a conversation? Sure they do. Those people are either assholes, or people who need to be gently reminded with a boot that the social justice movement is about raising all people up, not being right.

    • Domina Jen says:

      Man, I feel for you for not having coffee! I’m the same way, it takes me awhile to organize my thoughts when I don’t have caffeine to help me person.

      Am I being lazy by lumping all feminists in a group? Possibly. I do the same thing with male Doms (for exactly the same reason). The thing is, I have never ever ever met, in person, a woman who calls herself a feminist who has not criticized my life in some way or another. For most, it’s the SAHM thing (like my post Fun with Feminists, written just recently after one such conversation, states). But feminists like my sister, who know my daughter and know that she’s capable of the shit she’s capable of, in part, because of all the work I put in to raising her, don’t bitch about that. My sister used to criticize my decision, but she shut up about that.

      No, now she and all her little feminist activists criticize the fact that I wear makeup, sexy clothes, and shave. I was very literally laughed at when I went to visit them in NC, and we were hanging out at the house she shares with a bunch of other people, and I mentioned the fact that my mascara was smudged and I needed a mirror. Because (and I quote, I can’t make this shit up) “Wasting precious resources like time and money on making yourself more appealing to men is why we’re still fighting the feminism battle today.”

      Because the notion that I do it for myself was completely alien to them, and when I said that, one of them came back with the same brainwashing thing that the submissive woman who commented on that blog got. She said something like, “Strong women have a responsibility to break out of the doctrine that’s been pounded into us by the Patriarchy.”

      Really?

      And as far as the SAHM thing goes, it’s not an isolated incident. I tend to hang out with other SAHMs, rather than working moms (because of that exact reason), and it’s extremely common to be harassed for it. One of my friends actually lies and says she runs a home-based business, because she has trouble dealing with the criticism.

      So yeah, it happens. A lot. Women who don’t fit into that feminist box get criticized for it. A lot. Does that mean that ALL women who label themselves as feminists feel that way? Probably not. But I haven’t met one who doesn’t.

      Oh, and the kinky thing, I’ve seen that in person, too. I’ve seen both vanilla and Domme women (and the Domme thing never fails to surprise me, although to be fair, it’s only happened a couple of times) criticize and harass submissive women. In person. Not online, not in any kind of social media. We’ve all been in the same room.

      Is it possible that the numbers of false rape accusations are skewed? Yes, and I acknowledged that possibility in the post. Wanna know the reason why I can’t stand Kazander’s ex-girlfriend? Because the little cunt ADMITTED to lying about being raped, “because she likes the attention” (her exact words, and I can post a screenshot of the text conversation between her and Kazander to prove it). And she’s the second woman I’ve met to do that. The other actually went as far as filing a police report and having her boyfriend arrested before admitting that she did it because she thought (erroneously) that he’d cheated on her. Once she realized that he hadn’t, that he was faithful, she confessed and admitted to making the whole thing up. This is someone I’ve met in person. Someone I’ve sat in the same room with and had a conversation with.

      Now, I recognize that’s only two people. And two people do not represent the whole. It’s entirely possible that my emotions get in the way in that situation, because it’s something I take personally. Kazander’s ex will never know that I’ve been raped, because I just don’t want to get into that with her. But every time she comes over (they still hang out), it’s a constant struggle not to stab her in the uterus.

      So yeah, it’s entirely possible that my perception is skewed by my experience. But I’m going off of my personal experience. Of people I’ve actually met in person. Not including myself, (and not including the support group thing my parents put me in when I was a teenager), I’ve known 3 rape victims (one of them is a male). I’ve known 2 who admitted to making the shit up. That’s a very small sample size, but the number is higher than the study says it is. The study says 1 out of 4. My personal experience says half.

      So sure, I’ll concede to that. I may be a little bit biased, because I feel like women who make the shit up are spitting in the faces of every rape victim, as well as destroying an innocent man’s life, and I feel like they’re worse than actual rapists (my opinion, having experienced both twice… I seriously doubt that’s a popular opinion, even among other rape victims). But I’ll concede to the possibility that my perception is skewed because I take it so personally.

      Granted, I’ve never met a misandrist in person. I have met TERFs, but I assumed that was a transphobia thing, I didn’t realize TERF was a thing (and maybe it WAS a transphobia thing, I don’t know… All I know is that I’ve met people who called themselves feminists and have said they don’t think trans women are “real women.” And that topic actually came up in the Club Fem munch I went to, when no one seemed to have a problem with the fact that trans Dommes aren’t allowed because they have external reproductive organs). And I am in NO way claiming that I think ALL feminists are misandrists. I have known plenty who aren’t. My personal issues with feminists (not feminisM, feminisTS) have nothing to do with misandry.

      Is it possible that I know plenty of feminists who aren’t crazy? I’m sure it is. But they don’t go around announcing every chance they get that they’re feminists. The ones who DO go around announcing it are the ones I can’t stand. And those bitches are just popping out of the woodwork lately, and have all kinds of shit to say about my life and the lives of people who don’t fit their definition of a strong, independent woman. Because sorry, when I’m told more than once, by more than one woman, that I’m cheating my daughter out of a future, and that she’ll never grow up to be a strong, independent woman without a strong female role model, and I’m the reason why women are still fighting for equal rights, and I have YET to meet, in person, a woman who labels herself a feminist and DOESN’T have anything to say about my life choices, it just doesn’t paint a very pleasant picture of the group as a whole.

      My opinion and perception may very well be wrong, I’m open to that possibility. And if I ever meet a tolerant and accepting feminist in person, I may change my opinion.

  4. Wicked Tigress says:

    Brilliantly said. Thank you. Great post.

  5. peter t says:

    I came from another blog through a link, and I’m happy I did because of your rant. Thanks.

    • Domina Jen says:

      Welcome, and thank you!

    • rongeo says:

      Hello Jen, it is a rare woman who recognises this phenomenon. I have seen this phenomenon at a place where I work, and a male employee placed on a sex offender list for 25 years, and never had any contact with the female and her family who accused the man of raping their daughter. This case forced the entertainment industry in Australia to change the way these cases are handled.

      • Domina Jen says:

        Yeah, it’s really sad. I mean, don’t get me wrong, rape is a huge problem. And lately in the US, there have been a disturbing number of rapes on college campuses, with the rapists getting laughably short sentences, or having the charges dropped completely.

        It’s a problem. But so is vilifying every man. So many people seem to think the number of rapes justifies that kind of mindset, and it just doesn’t.

  6. Some of the women who are most vocal and get the most attention in the news are the crazy extremist feminists. Not all feminists are that way. Most of the feminist I know love their husbands, their dad, their brothers and their sons. Sure there are different fringe subgroups like the so-called “radical, lesbian, separatists feminists.

  7. The misandrists are not representative of most feminists. Most of the feminists I know are kind women who love their husbands, their father, their brothers and their sons.

    They are just women who want simple things like equal pay for doing the same job and equality in other areas.

    Let’s not forget that there were some times when women got a real screw job. There was a time in England and in the US when women could not vote and could not own property. If a man only had daughters, his property would go to his son in laws when he died, not his daughters. If a woman was in a bad marriage and got a divorce she was judged to be mentally unstable for wanting that and her kids were awarded to her ex-husband.

    At one time, in the United States, there were no marital rape laws in any of the 50 states. If a man came home and wanted sex, whether his wife wanted to or not, he could force himself on her. As long as he didn’t bruise or beat her, in which case it would be assault, it was perfectly legal for a man to rape his wife.
    This was the case until the 1970s.

    So there was some serious bad shit going down for women that needed to change and the feminist movements, at different times in our history, changed those things.

    And, sure there are crazy fringe groups, like radical lesbian separatist feminist, but those are mostly women who were molested by their dads and had nothing but bad experiences with every man they’ve encountered in their life. They need intensive therapy not to be involved in politics making policy.

    Not all feminists are misogynists.

    • Domina Jen says:

      I never once said that all feminists are misogynists. I’m grateful for the feminists who dedicated their lives to gender equality, and for the ones who continue to do so.

      And I’m not arguing the fact that women got the short end of the stick for most of history. I’m very aware of that. But it doesn’t justify hating an entire gender. And I don’t think the treatment of women long before I was born is a good reason to be a feminist.

      I’m a feminist because I believe our genders are different, but equal (and from a strictly biological standpoint, women actually have an advantage). Not because I harbor resentment over the way women were treated before I was born.

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