So I was talking to the Body this evening, specifically about his new wife (dude, don’t ask) and why saying things like “Maybe we can play with your rack” is inappropriate.
Like seriously, we had to have that conversation. It started with this:
Body: Maybe we can play with that awesome rack of yours.
Me: (paraphrased) Maybe instead I can bend you over, tie you down, and let my subs take turns fucking you.
Body: Are you being sarcastic?
Me: I’m making a point. Feels kinda uncomfortable when someone talks about doing things to your body like that, right? I don’t even let the men closest to me talk to me like that.
Body: Point taken. Sorry. I was just under the impression you enjoyed it when I played with your tits. I just thought it’d be fun. I am sorry.
(Which, for the record, is a pretty big change from the defensive, condescending shithead he used to turn into whenever I told him he was being a dick, so apparently that new wife of his is calming him down quite a bit)
So I explained that tact, and respectful language, goes a long way. I suggested he instead say something like, “How would you feel about the possibility of us playing together?”
And of course, because you can’t teach an old dog new tricks, this happened later.
Like seriously, he makes my head hurt. Badly.
But we started talking about male Doms and why I generally avoid them as a rule, and why I will never again enter into a relationship with a vanilla man.
Why I avoid male Doms is easy enough to explain. They have the annoying tendency to push boundaries and say inappropriate things. They’re super-aggressive in the way they talk, especially about sex, and it gets on my nerves. And they always, always do or say something that makes me think, “Oh yeah, that’s why I avoid the species.”
Am I making a blanket statement and lumping together an entire group of people? Yeah, I suppose I am. But whenever I meet a new one, and think, “Maybe I am being a smidge prejudiced,” I’m reminded once again why I feel the way I do. So until I find one who doesn’t give me an “Oh-yeah-that’s-why-I-avoid-the-species” moment, after, say, a year, the statement stands.
Because what they don’t seem to understand is that the way they speak is disrespectful as fuck. Sure, submissive women may love being spoken to that way. But not all women are submissive.
Say it with me. Not all women are submissive.
A good rule for any Dom when speaking to me is to ask yourself this question: Would you say something like that to another male Dom? No? Then don’t fucking say it to me.
100% of the male Doms I’ve known (not counting my mentor) have broken that rule with me at some point. And it’s been frustrating, because it seems like that shouldn’t have to be spelled out.
Does that mean I hate them? Absolutely not. There’s only one that I currently actually like, and even he has given me a couple of those “oh-yeah” moments, but I don’t hate any of the others. I just avoid them. Simple as that.
And really, submissive men are so much more fun, more fascinating, more…. I don’t know, just more.
What is more? That’s kind of tough to describe, and I think it’ll be the topic of my next post.
But I damn sure don’t have to worry about being spoken to like that by a submissive. Even submissives I don’t own have usually been respectful in the way they speak. And, while I’m sure they exist, I have never met a Domme who felt the need to “assert her Dominance” over me, as if me being Dominant threatened her in some way.
Wait, is that it? Is that why Dominant men get so verbally aggressive? Do they feel the need to reassert the fact that they’re Dominant, because the idea of a Dominant woman makes them feel threatened or uncomfortable?
I mean, vanilla men generally just don’t know any better, and vanilla women generally just brush off those kinds of comments. But a Dominant should know better. So why do Doms insist on crossing that line?
I really don’t want to think that it’s because they don’t respect women, or any of that sexist nonsense. So is that it, then? Is it because they’re intimidated and don’t know how to react to a woman with exactly zero submissive tendencies? Does just being a Dominant woman challenge a Dominant man in some way that I’m missing?
But then that doesn’t make sense, either, because it would imply that 100% of the Doms I’ve met are insecure, which I don’t think is true.
I don’t know. I’m just going to continue avoiding them. It’s worked well enough up to this point. And as for the Body, ugh, I think he’s just hopeless.