The last couple of weeks or so, I’ve been engaged in casual correspondence with a very young man (we’ll just call him N) interested in joining his local scene and serving a Domme locally (he doesn’t live anywhere near me).
He originally contacted me to ask for advice meeting people. Being under 21 makes going to most munches difficult, being that young makes being taken seriously difficult (been there, done that), and his experience up to this point has been extremely limited. All of those factors, plus a couple more he’s requested remain private, make for a very frustrated submissive.
I can understand that. Wading through the waist-high sea of bullshit in any dating scene is irritating, but with all of the added elements and intricacies of a D/S relationship, things can get tough.
I get it. I feel for you.
An interesting topic came up early in our conversations. He made the comment that every Domme he’s talked to required chastity, or, at the very least, some form of orgasm control. He said he feels like pretty much every Domme requires this in their relationships.
Yeah… and the sky is blue. What’s your point?
Chastity is a hard limit for him. More so than that, orgasm denial or orgasm control of any sort is a hard limit for him.
This comment was made in passing, in a longer email about something else, but it caught my attention, and I asked about it.
He said,”I don’t need to give up access to my dick to prove my loyalty.”
Now I do want to point out that there’s nothing he’s said up to this point that makes me doubt his loyalty to a potential Domme, or his intentions.
But a FLR without orgasm control? What does that even look like?
I mean, I understand it in casual weekend-type relationships. But in a full-time FLR?
I just couldn’t get my head around it. So that spurred a discussion about how orgasms affect a man’s mental and emotional state, how keeping him denied benefits both him and his Dominant.
And I don’t know, everyone is different. It’s entirely possible that orgasms don’t affect him the way they affect most men. It’s entirely possible that he’s the poster boy for perfect submission even without orgasm control.
But, as I pointed out to him, many Dominant women prefer to control that aspect of a man’s life. Even in my own relationships, where a complete TPE is my eventual goal, orgasm control is a requirement. I prefer chastity, and keeping my boys caged, but will allow the honor system as well, depending on the boy and the situation.
But for me, it’s not a matter of trust, anyway. I wouldn’t be in a relationship with a boy if I didn’t trust him.
No, it’s something I require because it’s hot to deny him access to his own body. There’s a difference between not cumming because he has been told not to, and not cumming because he can’t. It’s a pretty significant difference, actually.
I want to control every aspect of my subs’ lives. Of course I want to control his access to his cock. I want him to be dependent on me for that pleasure.
I couldn’t take him seriously in the long term if orgasm control wasn’t an option. I wouldn’t be as interested in a relationship if my level of control was limited.
Of course, I don’t speak for every Domme, and I’m sure there are female-led-relationships that don’t incorporate chastity or orgasm control. But I’ve never come across one.