Questions from Stan: Round 2

Oh, did you think we were done?

Our friend Stan has another question, that he posed here.

“I will never act on that particular thought. My own moral code prevents me from it.” History is littered with people who have made the same claim, but have failed to uphold it. Humans are capable of any atrocity. Many of the perpetrators believed they possessed the “moral code” to prevent it. How can you be so sure that you would never act? What do you have in place to ensure this? respectfully stan

The post containing the quote is here.

And this one actually wasn’t taken out of context.  The paragraphs providing context for the quote are:

And there’s something darker, there, too. Yes, safe words are always available, and yes, I will always respect them. I will always respect a sub’s limits. But there’s a deep, dark corner of my mind that whispers, “you don’t have to, you know…”

And it’s true. Once they’re tied up and helpless, there’s really nothing they can do about it, anyway. I don’t have to respect their limits. I don’t have to stop if they use their safeword.

I will never act on that particular thought. My own moral code prevents me from it.

Okay, so this quote wasn’t taken out of context.


I’m going to resist the urge to tell you to fuck off, Stan, because I’m consciously choosing to give you the benefit of the doubt and to believe that you are unaware of just how dick-ish your question comes across.

But I would like you to understand what you’re saying here.  You’re saying that, because others have done horrible things, it stands to reason that I would/will do horrible things.  You’re saying that, because others have failed in not being cruel or evil, it stands to reason that I would/will fail as well.  You’re implying that my “moral code” (nice use of the quotation marks) is flawed, and more than that, I do not have the strength of will to uphold it, because others have not.

You’re using other people’s experiences and histories, that have nothing to do with me, to judge my actions and intentions.

(That urge is getting harder to resist, by the way).

Yes, history is littered with people who have committed atrocities.  But just because Hitler went out and killed a few million people does not mean that I’m going to do the same thing.  I’m not Hitler, man.

Why do I succeed where others have failed?  What sets me apart from the people who commit atrocities?  Who harm, betray, and devastate the people around them?

I’m not those people.

But because I’m doing the whole benefit-of-the-doubt thing, I’ll answer your question as it pertains to my BDSM play and relationships, and my sadism.

I am not going to cross that line because I know the difference between right and wrong, I know my boys and what they can and cannot handle, and I know that pushing them too far is wrong.

I’m not going to cross that line because I truly do care about my boys, and because I want to protect them.  I want them to feel safe with me.  I want them to know that, whatever problems they may be facing, in whatever areas of their lives, I am more than capable of shouldering that burden for them and providing them the release they need.

I want them to trust me with their lives, their dreams, their darkest, most twisted thoughts and desires, their fears.  When I own a boy, I don’t just own his lust or his body.  I own all of him, in a way that transcends the strictures of an exclusively BDSM D/s relationship.

And yes, if I were so inclined, I could take advantage of that trust and vulnerability.

Why don’t I?

Other than basic human psychology, lots of reasons.

Primarily because I don’t want to.  It’s as simple as that.

I adore my boys.  I don’t want to hurt them.  Over time, they open themselves up to me, they turn over their bodies, their minds, their souls to me, they let me through those walls and those defenses that they use to keep everyone else out.  They trust me with parts of themselves that they would never dream of showing to anyone else.

That’s a precious gift, and it means a lot to me.  I’m not going to squash that gift because of some dark, irrational, chaotic impulse created by my id.

That’s the super-ego’s answer.

And if that’s too mushy, and not “real” enough, here’s a more selfish reason, the ego’s answer.  I like playing with my boys.  I love the power and influence I have over their lives.  I love being able to manipulate them and guide them and lead them.  If I were to truly hurt them, I wouldn’t be able to play with them anymore.

None of my boys are stupid or weak-willed.  Sure, I could take advantage of their trust and brutally betray them.  But I’d only be able to do it once.  And then I’d lose a toy, a play partner, an intimate friend, a cherished confidant.  I would lose someone I value and hold dear to my heart.  And, in the case of kazander, I’d also lose a spouse and a family.

Why would I want to do that?

They’re in my life because I want them in my life.  Why would I want to fuck that up?

Yes, there are some dark urges and impulses that exist in me.  But I have willpower.  And I have the higher cognitive skills necessary to helping me understand that acting on those impulses is not a good idea.

Id, ego, super-ego, dude.

I’ve spent a wholefuckinglot of time getting to know each one of those aspects of myself, individually and collectively.  The three facets of the personality, and the way they relate to each other, is a subject that fascinates me.  It’s about desire, lust, impulse, power, control, and freedom, and it goes on in our conscious, preconscious, and unconscious minds.

I recognize, because I’m intelligent, self-aware, and sane, that the dark chaos of my id needs to be kept there, where it belongs.  There’s no morality there, no right or wrong, no concept of time or consequences.  That’s where all of my darkest urges come from.  That’s the part of myself that’s capable of real cruelty.

However, I also have a healthy and robust super-ego.  I have a strong handle on the concept of right and wrong.  I hold myself to a high standard.  I have the capacity to feel guilt and empathy, and I have the capacity to see others as individuals outside of my own psyche.

In short, I’m not a psychopath.

I feel compassion, empathy, and certain facets of psychological love for my boys.  I want them to be happy, I want them to feel at peace, I want them to enjoy their lives, enjoy me, and enjoy my leadership.

Now, is it possible that something could happen, and I could suddenly lose my sanity and my morality?  Sure, I suppose.  I’m not a psychology major, but I’m sure it’s possible somehow.  I’m sure there’s some kind of illness, some kind of mental condition out there that could fuck with my head to the point that I am no longer able to control my impulses.

Is it likely?  Not fucking really.

12 thoughts on “Questions from Stan: Round 2

  1. thechastecyclist says:

    Your measured and thoughtful responses to Stan’s questions provide ample evidence of just how well you can control your emotions and feelings.

  2. tk says:

    Regarding your last paragraph, I was a psychology major and I would’ve told him to fuck off. 😉 Great response though.

  3. mrbillsails says:

    Stan was not worth that much thought and effort, but it was an amazingly great response/treatise that confirms that what we do is “ok”.

  4. Polthus says:

    mrbillsails said it first, so I don’t have to ^^

  5. stan says:

    I did want to know what made you different from others who might not be able to control darker urges. It is clear that you have a strong sense of “right and wrong” that others may not have. Once again you have answered my question in detail, and I thank you for that. respectfully stan

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