Do you have a BDSM title (e.g. mistress, master, slut, pig, whore, princess, goddess, ma’am, sir)? What is your opinion of the use of titles in general?
Oh good lord….
*FYI: This is the point where everyone who has known me for any length of time rolls their eyes and says, “Oh, here we go.”
But no, I’m not going to start in on my long bitchy tirade about how ridiculous titles can be, and how expecting people you don’t own to call you by a title is pretentious and annoying and obnoxious and screams “Look at me! I’m a Dominant! Can’t you tell? Please like me!”
I’m not going to do that.
Obviously, I call myself Domina Jen. That is the title of my blog, my Fetlife and Collarspace ID, my twitter ID, Findoms.com ID, everything, all the way around. I even bought the domain dominajen.com, although I haven’t done anything with it yet.
And I started doing that when I started the blog, primarily so that people who stumbled across the blog would know, at a glance, what it is.
But do I go around insisting that everyone (or anyone) calls me that?
In fact, if I don’t own you, I don’t want you to call me by a title at all. My name is Jen.
I’m Jen when I’m at work, I’m Jen when I’m with my family, I’m Jen when I’m at the playdates with the other moms at the park, I’m Jen when I’m beating and brutally degrading another human being. It doesn’t change. My identity doesn’t change.
I’m not Miss Jen, or Mistress Jen, or Madame Jen, or Lady Jen, or Princess Jen (Jesus, that one hurt just to type), or Goddess Jen, or anything else you can think of.
I don’t need a title to show others that I’m a Dominant, or to validate my position. I don’t need all the bells and whistles. I’m a fucking Dominant, whether I’m at a munch, in a session, at an event, at storytime at the library, or in my living room.
Occasionally, I come across subs or slaves who ask me if I’d humor them to use a title, because they feel uncomfortable using my name. And as long as that desire comes from a place of respect, rather than habit, I will indulge them and let them call me Miss or Miss Jen. But I don’t introduce myself as Miss Jen.
“Well, it’s a show of respect.”
That’s the most popular argument I hear from Dominants who want titles used by every sub and slave. And it’s bullshit.
If you don’t know me, then I haven’t earned your respect. If you do know me, and respect me, and ask to use an honorific, then I will usually indulge that desire. That’s something completely different. But this whole attitude that everyone who identifies as a submissive or slave has to respect everyone who identifies as a Dominant is just plain stupid.
I don’t want anyone to respect me “just because I’m a Dominant.” That’s empty and shallow, and not real respect, and cheapens the use of titles all the way around.
Furthermore, I will never, ever command any boy I own to use a title or honorific when addressing anyone other than me. If they choose to do so, that’s fine. But I will never make them.
So if you’re one of those Dominants who get all butt-hurt because my boys don’t use a title or honorific when addressing you, I guess you’ll just have to bitch and whine about it.