30 Days of Kink: Day 25

How open are you about your kinks?

Not as open as I’d like to be.

But then again, I’ve never really been able to be as open as I’d like to be.

Now, for example, we live very close to kazander’s family and interact with them daily.  I really, really don’t want to deal with the fallout of them discovering what we do behind closed doors.  And we’ve also got the kid.  Now, I’m all for being honest with kids, and the mindset that they can grow up and adjust to pretty much any lifestyle.  I’ve known people who grew up with poly houses, with Femdom or Maledom, nudists, all kinds of “alternative lifestyles.”

There’s no difference.

But she is four.  And it’s really important that she have a strong, assertive father.  So we downplay the dynamic quite a bit around her, and will continue to do so until she’s much, much older.

And also, I know that a lot of submissive men are very private about their orientation.  They are very uncomfortable with the idea of anyone finding out.  And I get that.  I understand it.  I don’t love it, but I get it.

In fact, I’ve only ever had one boy who was open about his desire to submit, and had no problem with his friends or anyone in his life knowing.  When someone would ask him about it, ask if he was submissive, he’d just nod and gesture to me and say, “To her.”

Occasionally, people (especially other men) would have questions.  And sometimes, depending on who it was, how they asked, and his mood, he would entertain the questions.  Other times, he’d just shrug and say something like, “The details of my sex life aren’t really your business.”

And it was fucking awesome.  It was amazing, being able to be so open, and not having to censor myself around certain people.  Granted, I didn’t go around shouting it from the rooftops, but I didn’t have to keep it a secret.  It felt incredible, freeing.

Now, obviously, his situation was unique.  There are plenty of men who would be faced with legitimate, far-reaching problems, both personally and professionally, if it came out.  And while I miss that openness, and wish I could have it again, I certainly don’t resent the need for secrecy now.

Most of my vanilla friends know, and of course I have my Domme friends, but that’s it.  I’m not open about it to anyone else.

2 thoughts on “30 Days of Kink: Day 25

  1. It can be very hard to be open or even partly open. I’m pretty open about it. But I haven’t always been that way its changed over the years. With varying degrees of fallout from none to some. With most of the non kink friends basically pretending to be blind , deaf and dumb to it. Same for the family that knows.

    • Domina Jen says:

      My non-kink girlfriends prefer to remain blind, deaf, and dumb to it, as well. My sister knows, but again, we don’t talk about it (or at all, really). I agree, it can be hard to be open about it, and there are always people who don’t understand.

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