Any unexpected ways kink has improved your life? If so, what are they?
First of all, you can’t call yourself a Dominant if you’re not in control of yourself, and aware of your faults and shortcomings. Being a Dominant has required a degree of self exploration that was often times uncomfortable, but has made me very sure of and very comfortable with who I am. I don’t need to validate myself as a person, because I know what kind of person I am.
And truly, D/s relationships are so intense, and require levels of trust that were never even touched on the very few times I attempted a vanilla relationship. And while yes, the submissive is usually the one doing the bulk of the trusting, there is a vulnerability in Dominants, as well. During scenes, I am more myself than any other time. I let out the sadist that I keep locked up. I stop trying to censor my thoughts, my words, and my actions. I give in to my impulses (to a point, I’m still in control). If you really want to know who I am, watch me play.
But the submissive I’m with is the one who gets to experience that. They are able to learn more about who I am than anyone else. And yes, that takes a lot of trust. A lot of openness.
As someone who doesn’t usually do “vulnerability” and “openness” very well, this is something I had to learn how to do, and something that has truly helped me in a lot of ways. I can’t imagine how closed-off I’d be today without learning how to do that.
And as far as coming to terms with my faults, I’ve had to learn the discipline necessary to overcome certain things. I am naturally a bit unreliable and flaky, and obviously that needed to change right away. So I built up my discipline, learned how to hold myself to commitments even when all I wanted to do was sit on the couch, and basically made myself reliable. I made myself dependable. It was one of my worst faults, and I overcame it because of the discipline needed to control both myself and another person.
Really, being a Dominant has helped me become a better person. Giving so much of myself to my subs has made me a better person. Holding myself to the standards I think all Dominants should be held to has made me a better person. Being responsible for someone else’s wellbeing and being mindful of that responsibility, has made me a better person.