30 Days of Kink: Day 16

What are the most difficult aspects of having a sexuality that involves kink or BDSM for you personally?

For me, it’s keeping it hidden.  I hate having to keep it a secret, and throughout most of my life, I’ve been relatively open about it.  I never ever tried to hide who I was.  Sure, I’ve had people raise eyebrows and ask questions, and I’ve had people who weren’t interested in learning anything about it, and it’s just something we don’t talk about (like how it is with my best friend), and I’ve even had those who claimed I was going to hell, and I was immoral or whatever, and would run from me, screaming into the night.

I didn’t care.

But now, with the situation we’re in with the kid and all of that, and with living so close to his family, I have to hide it.  And I hate that.  It feels odd having to censor myself, and even after five years, it still bugs me.

And I mean, don’t get me wrong.  It’s not like I advertise it or anything.  I’ve never advertised it.  I don’t think anyone I associated with professionally ever knew.  It just never came up.  But while I didn’t shout it from the rooftops, I never made an effort to hide it, either.

And I completely understand that many sub men would prefer no one know about it.  The vast majority of the boys I’ve owned and played with have been very, very secretive about it.  So I get it.  And I’m not going to out anyone who doesn’t want to be outed.

I also understand that there are still some pretty primitive notions regarding male submission floating around out there, and for a lot of men, it could cause legitimate personal and professional issues if that kind of knowledge came out.  It’s not something that I love, but it’s something I absolutely understand, and will absolutely hide it to protect the boys I play with.  I’ve gone to many work parties, family dinners, I’ve been introduced to parents, bosses, employees, associates, business partners, siblings, children, all of that.  And even if outright asked, I will deny it to protect the boy who serves me.

But that’s always been the hardest part about kink and BDSM being such a big part of my sexuality, and my personality.

6 thoughts on “30 Days of Kink: Day 16

  1. Kandia says:

    It does stink that we hide many things about ourselves. Whether it be kink, sexuality, political views, clothing choice, how we really feel about stuff and some of why we think how we do. It’s sad really for every one.

  2. Mic says:

    I`ve a little bit mixed feeling about this when it comes to kids. I agree to you that it is basically a shame if you have to lie about some integral part of your life. But BDSM is something that kids cannot understand in my opinion. And kids have really big eyes and really big ears and it is hard to get them away from this aspects in someones sex life. Therefore I would consider to “lie” everytime when/where children might be involved.

    If I did get you wrong in this point I’m sorry. I try my best, but sometimes my english just fails me 😉 .

    • Domina Jen says:

      I completely understand, and that’s why we don’t do any kind of BDSM activities around the kid, and I highly, highly doubt I’d ever do anything like that in front of her. My sex life is something she doesn’t need to know anything about.

      It’s more about the D/s aspect, the way kazander and I relate to one another within the relationship, who we are when we’re together, that sort of thing.

      When I talk about having to hide this part of who I am, I’m not talking about the sexual or BDSM or kinky aspects. I’m not talking about my love of strap-on play or making boys eat out of dog bowls or insert-kinky-activity-here.

      I’m talking more about the way I relate to other people, the way I interact with people. I’m talking about keeping a part of my personality hidden, not my kinks and sexual desires.

      • Mic says:

        That sounds good to me.

        But I guess it won’t do any harm to your daughter if she feels that her Mum is the leading part in the relationship. In my opinion that’s a fact in many “normal” relationships anyway 😉 .

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