30 Days of Kink: Day 13

Explain as best you can what the appeal of BDSM/kink is to you.  Why are you drawn to what you’re drawn to?

Well… To be honest, I don’t really have much of an answer to that.  I’ve sat down and thought about it, thought about what made me this way, why I feel like this, why I want what I want.  I’ve spoken to members of the D/s community whom I highly respect, I spoke about this to great lengths with my mentor, and I’ve explored it myself.

And really, there isn’t a good answer as to why.  It’s just the way I’m wired.  I’ve always been this way.  Ever since I was a young child.  Probably since birth.

Maybe genetics?  It’s just the way my brain works.  Submissive men have always attracted me.  And, while I’ve occasionally dabbled in the random vanilla man (and even tried dating a Dom once), as I get older, my disdain for Dominant, vanilla, and assertive men only grows.  There is nothing that turns me off faster than a male being sexually assertive or aggressive, or trying to take the upper hand with me.  Ugh, even thinking about it makes me cringe.  Eww.

So I’m drawn to submissive boys exclusively.

As far as my kinks and sadism go, I could literally write a thousand-page novel about why I love them so much, why I’m drawn to them, why they appeal to me.  The short answer is simply because I’m dark, twisted, and depraved.  One of my favorite compliments I’ve ever received has been, “God damn, you’re so fucking sick and twisted.  I love it!”

I love seeing boys writhe in pain, in humiliation, in fear, in desire.  I love being feared.  I love seeing the emotions and reactions on a boy’s face as I bring him to that headspace, as I stand above him, about to do something terrible to him.  I’ve spent the last 13 years learning how to manipulate a boy’s mind, body, and emotions, and I love having that power over him.

I am drawn to BDSM because it gives me the ability to be myself, around people who aren’t completely terrified or disgusted when they find out the fucked-up shit in my head.

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