My kid’s birthday party is tomorrow.  She’s obsessed with this show, the Octonauts, and wanted a Captain Barnacles polar bear cake.

Alright, I can do that.  No problem.

I went and bought all the decorating supplies, and asked her what color she wanted the cake to be on the inside.  Her favorite color is blue, so I figured she’d want the neon-blue cake mix I found.  But she picked out a red velvet cake instead.

Alright, I can do that.  No problem.

It didn’t occur to me until just now, as I put the cake in the oven, that I’m making a cute, adorable, friendly 3D polar bear birthday cake.

And it will be blood-red when I cut it open.

Around a bunch of toddlers and preschoolers.

And when I voiced this particular concern, my daughter started laughing and jumping around the room, chanting “I’m going to eat Captain Barnacles’ guts!”

She had planned the whole thing.  That’s why she wanted the red cake, instead of the blue.  And I didn’t even think about it.  It didn’t even occur to me to ask why she wanted the red, or to think about what it would look like.

I just got outsmarted by a fucking 4-year-old.

Fuck my whole life.