Getting your husband to wear chastity

HOW can I get my husband to start wearing a device? What kind do you think is good? He is stubborn and has refused so far.


First of all, I would definitely recommend getting him to read blogs by other men in chastity.  There are so many to choose from.  The idea of chastity can be scary for a lot of guys, so it may help to show him the point of view from another man in chastity.  This post by Thumper is especially amazing, and if it had existed when I first dragged my reluctant husband into the world of chastity, it probably would have made things much easier for me.

Aside from Thumper’s blog, I also recommend Steeled Snake, Chaste Cyclist, and Thrill of the Chaste.

I also want to point out that I have no idea what your relationship dynamic is, whether you’re vanilla and want to incorporate chastity into your relationship to heighten the sex drive and excitement, or take away potential issues with trust, or if you’re in a D/s relationship, and own him.  Depending on the dynamic of the relationship, your tactic may change.

But regardless of what your relationship dynamic is, and what your reasons are for wanting him in chastity, you need to start in the same place.  Ask him what, specifically, it is about chastity that scares him.  And don’t let him tell you he’s not scared.  It’s a lie.  Even if he’s lying to himself, and completely believes the lie, it’s still a lie.

A lot of men are scared of the idea of chastity.  They won’t have access to their dick anymore.  For 99.99% of men, their dick is their favorite, most treasured, most cherished part of their body.  It represents male power, and masculinity.  The idea of taking that away from him is terrifying.  He’s afraid he won’t be a “real man” if he allows you to control his access to his dick.  He’s afraid of giving you that kind of power over him.  He’s afraid of his buddies finding out.  He’s afraid of anyone finding out.

So find out what it is he’s afraid of.  Be gentle, but persistent.  Don’t let him tell you no, and don’t let him shut down.  You’ll have to be very tactful, you’ll have to regulate your emotions (since it’s likely his might get pretty wild).  And you’ll need to be very reassuring without being condescending.  You know your husband, you know how best to approach him.

But this conversation needs to be about him, not about you.  And he needs to know that his feelings and his concerns are a priority for you.

And just fyi: his feelings and concerns need to be a priority for you.  Especially if it’s a D/s dynamic, he needs to be reassured that his needs will continue to be met, and that you hear and acknowledge his concerns, and that he has a voice.

He needs to specify and vocalize what it is, exactly, that makes him continue to say no.  And you need to specify what it is, exactly, that makes you keep pushing for it.  Get it all out in the open.  Make sure that both of you understand your reasons and his fears.

Then, just go out and buy a chastity device.  Obviously don’t go to a place like Mature Metal for the first one.  You won’t be able to get him to submit to getting measured for it.  If you want plastic, go with the Holy Trainer.  But you’ll find, as you read more about men who are in chastity, steel is the much better option.  It seems to be more comfortable, easier to clean, and all around nicer than the plastic ones.

My husband and I use a knock-off of the Jailbird, called the Jail House, and we like it.  And, as it happens, it’s on a pretty significant sale at  60% off.  Here’s the link to it.  I don’t know how much longer the sale is going to go on.  But whichever device you choose, just buy it.  Don’t ask his permission, don’t tell him you’re going to buy it.  Just buy it.

Once you have it in your hand, it’ll be harder for him to say no.

“Just wear it for a minute, and see how you like it.”

“Let’s just do it for a couple of hours, and then we’ll have sex tonight.”

“Come on, what’s the worst thing that could happen if you just wear it for an hour?”

Give him a specified time.  Depending on how adamant he is against it, you may only get him to agree to half an hour or an hour the first time.  And that’s fine.

Agree to take it off after half an hour, put the key(s) in a place where they can be plainly seen (or give him the key), and set a timer.

Once the timer is set, you have to really get into gear.  Put on your sexiest lingerie (or surprise him with new lingerie).  Do a strip-tease, give him a lapdance.  Talk dirty to him.  Watch porn and tell him all the dirty, naughty things you want to do to him.  Masturbate in front of him.  Do every damn thing you can think of to make him fucking horny.

He’ll be in pain, he’ll be frustrated beyond all hell, and he’ll probably be complaining and whining to take it off.  Remind him that he still has X-amount of time left.  And tell him that, if it’s too much, he can take it off early if he wants to.  But if he takes it off early, all the fun is over for the day.  No more play at all.  He has the power to remove it if he wants to, but if he gives up before the time he agreed on, he can just sit there with his blue balls for the rest of the day.

Whatever time you agree to, make sure you give him plenty of attention.  And make him give you plenty of attention, as well.  Make him give you a backrub.  Make him give you oral.  Make him service you however you want.  And if he tries to tell you “no,” you can simply respond by, “Alright, enjoy your blue balls.”

Once the timer goes off, give him the key and let him take it off.  As soon as he’s got it off, jump him and give him some amazing sex.  Let him cum.

Doing this will show him what it feels like to experience that denial, and how the denial will make it feel even better when he’s finally released.  He’ll realize that it’s really not as bad as he thought it would be, and he’ll very likely discover that the frustration and pain are not wholly negative emotions.

Sure, he won’t love it.  But something switches in a man’s head with that kind of frustration, and that kind of denial.  Granted, I’ve never tried this on a Dominant or vanilla man, but I’ve done it with a number of reluctant men, and the reaction is almost always the same.  They don’t “like” the frustration, but there’s just something about it that he’ll find appealing.

And of course, the mindblowing sex after half an hour of tease and denial will be pretty high up on his shit-I-love list.  He’ll realize that a lot of his fears are unfounded.

With any luck, it’ll be much easier to convince him to wear the cage for longer and longer periods of time.  Start with half an hour once or twice a week.  Then move up to an hour.  Then two hours.  Then an afternoon/evening.  Then a day.  Gradually let him get used to it.  Don’t just push him into the deep end before he’s ready.

You want him to willingly give up control to you.  You want him to eagerly follow your lead.  You want him to feel fulfilled and happy in the relationship.

One of my favorite sayings is “A happy Dominant is an attentive Dominant.”  But something similar can be said about submissives.  A submissive who is happy in the relationship will always be more attentive and more obedient than a reluctant, neglected one.

Because even if it’s a Total Power Exchange, it’s still a relationship.  All relationships take work from both partners.  Give and take.  You can’t just throw the cage on and ignore him, and completely ignore (or refuse to meet) his needs.

As he gets more comfortable with the idea, and that fear starts to ease, he’ll be more willing to give that power over to you.

You also need to recognize the possibility that he simply will never agree to it.  If that’s the case, you need to decide how important it is to you, and if it’s something you can live without, and go from there.  I’ve never had that happen (but then again, I’ve only been with submissive boys), but it still needs to be acknowledged.

You cannot force him into it if he flat-out refuses, because that crosses the line into abuse.  You can encourage and persuade, maybe even bribe (“If you wear it for an entire weekend, I’ll give you a blowjob every day for the next three days”), but you cannot blackmail him into it, or give him ultimatums (“wear this or I’ll leave you”), or do anything else unethical or immoral.

If you find yourself in a position where he just flat-out refuses, then depending on the reasons you want him in it, the reasons for his refusal, the relationship dynamic, and the current state of your relationship, you really need to look at things objectively and acknowledge the underlying causes and problems.

Just for example, let’s say he’s been cheating on you, and this is the only way you can think of to save the relationship (which I actually wouldn’t recommend, by the way.  Cheating represents a significant underlying problem that likely won’t be solved by chastity, but other people make their own decisions, and for purposes of this hypothetical scenario, we’ll say that’s what’s happening).

M’kay, so this is going to be a tool to keep him faithful, and that’s your reason for wanting it.  Let’s say that his reason for refusing is because he doesn’t trust you not to be spiteful once you have the cage on (which, if he says that, you need to take a long, hard look at yourself.  I’d say 90% of the time, fears like that are not unfounded), or he values his sexual freedom over the relationship, or he doesn’t think it’ll work (ie, he’s already given up on the relationship), or he will not allow you, a woman, to be in that kind of position of power over him (ie, he’s a sexist pig… which could be part of the reason why he cheated on you in the first place).

Any of those reasons, when combined with your reason for wanting him in it, combined with the current state of the relationship…. Yeah, that’s just not promising, and you both need to sit down together and figure out whether you have a future.

But that’s just one hypothetical situation.  Maybe your reasons won’t have anything to do with fidelity, and his fears won’t be anything like the ones I listed up there.  I don’t know.

So to recap:

  • Figure out your reasons for wanting him in it.
  • Figure out his reasons for refusing.
    1. Acknowledge his reasons, and be kind and compassionate.  Make sure he knows he has a voice, and his voice is being heard.
    2. Don’t be condescending, and don’t just shrug off his concerns.  He needs to know that you’re going to take care of him, and that he is a priority for you.
  • Buy a cage.
    1. Get a cheap one.  Save the expensive, custom ones for later.  He’ll need to be measured and fitted for them anyway.
  • Convince him to put it on for a specified length of time.
    1. Be patient, but persistent.  Persuade him gently.
    2. Bribe him if necessary, but no blackmail, ultimatums, or unethical behavior.
    3. Give him the key if that will help him feel more comfortable.
    4. Set a timer.  Assure him that, when the timer goes off, he’ll be able remove it immediately.
      • Do not, under any circumstances, go back on your word and refuse to let him out.  This will destroy his trust in you, show him that you truly don’t care about his needs, comfort level, and concerns, and brand you a liar, and basically just a shitty human being.
      • Don’t even joke about not letting him out.  Treat it the way you’d treat a hard limit.  No jokes, no mindgames, no “messing with him.”  When the timer goes off, take the damn thing off.  No questions asked.
  • Once it’s on, he needs to be your whole world for the entire time.
    1. Wear his favorite lingerie or surprise him with new lingerie.
    2. Do a strip tease, lapdance, watch porn together and tell him all the naughty things you want to do to him.  Make him the center of your world.
    3. Make him see you as the center of his world.  Have him give you oral, have him worship your body, whatever you want.
      • Knowing that his physical pleasure isn’t an option will help shift his focus on to you.  Take advantage of this, and reward him for it, reinforcing the behavior.
    4. As soon as it’s on, let him know that he’ll be able to take it off early if he wants to, that you won’t force him to stay in it.
      • But let him know that, if he takes the cage off early, all fun is stopped for the rest of the day.
        1. Do not be bitchy or pouty for the rest of the day if he takes it off early.  Acting this way will reinforce his negative feelings about the cage, and make him less willing to try again.  If he only lasted ten minutes before taking it off, try for 15 next time.  Let him know that there are consequences for taking it off too soon, but let him know that you will always love and support him, no matter what, and that you will always listen to him and give weight to his needs and concerns.
  • Once the timer goes off, let him remove the cage.
    1. Again, do NOT go back on your word.  You agreed to let him take it off when the timer goes off.  Stay true to your word and let him know that he can trust you.
  • When the cage is off, jump his bones and give him mind-blowing sex.
    1. This will reward him for tolerating the cage and show him that you’re not going to simply neglect his needs and desires.  It will also help him associate the cage with something positive.
  • Gradually increase the length of time he wears the cage.
    1. You can push him gently, but do not force him to go faster than he’s comfortable with.  This needs to be mostly at his pace.
      • For example, if he wants to stay at 30 minutes instead of increasing the time to an hour, try to find a compromise.  Suggest 45.  Or 35.  Or hell, even 31.  Any increase is still an increase.
      • But if he flat-out refuses, let him stick with 30 for one more time.
        • Inform him gently that you’re compromising, you’re putting his needs and desires above yours, but you do need him to meet you in the middle.  You want to know that your needs and desires are given the same weight that his are.
        • This is not supposed to be a lecture, and do not be condescending or angry.  Stay calm, stay kind, stay compassionate.  If you want him to follow your lead, prove to him that you’re a worthy leader.
    2. Always make sure he is rewarded for his effort, to reinforce the behavior.
      • Positive reinforcement is always 10,000% more effective than negative reinforcement.  Keep this in mind.

Hope this helps!  Let me know how it works out for you!

58 thoughts on “Getting your husband to wear chastity

  1. Thads says:

    There are things that make me love being caged…and things that can make me angrily take it off.
    First the good :
    Being put to good use. When my wife tells me to please her, in whatever way she likes, be it fingers, oral or the strapon. Pleasing her, fills my “subby fuel tank”

    Being teased. Via words, looks, texts or sexy clothes…having her tease me is vital.

    Serious tease and denial. I am not joking when I say..”I will take my wifes skillful tease and denial sessions with her hands…..over absolutely anything else” I will beg and plead to cum….but am happiest and a better partner and lover when she just teases me. After edging me to the brink 6-10 times, my mind is jello, and she could get me to do or agree to anything.
    Here’s the bad:
    When she does not use me to please her, I can feel disconnected.
    If she doesn’t say dirty things, send me sexy texts, give me “that look”, or parade around me in sexy clothes….it can make me think “why am I doing this?”
    Tease and denial……ladies…..I implore you to use this!
    Without it, I can fall into a depression like state. But with a few minutes of T&D a couple times a week…my subspace motor purrs along smoothly. It rights all my doubts, and insecurities about wearing this steel contraption between my legs.
    If you only do one thing… should be T&D.
    After doing this for about a year, I will gladly take a good teasing session without being able to cum….over sex and being able to cum.
    My wife is training me well lol.

    • Domina Jen says:

      Very well-put. My husband has mentioned that, too… If I go too long without teasing him, or playing with him, he gets bored with the cage. It certainly takes an ongoing effort from the keyholder to keep things going smoothly.

  2. Zed says:

    And some of it has to be about you…..but you know that.

  3. John says:

    Why would I agree to wear one after every thing I’ve read . I woukd never trust any woman with that kind of power .why she have the right to orgassim when ever she wants and u can’t with her permission why should she get all the joy .

    • Domina Jen says:

      There’s nothing saying you have to. You are quite obviously not a submissive, and therefore do not understand the joy a submissive feels, and where it comes from, and the symbiotic nature of a healthy D/s relationship.

      If you are interested in learning about this relationship dynamic, I would recommend reading some of the posts I’ve written about it. But if you’re not into it, you’re not into it. No one says you have to be submissive or seek out a Dominant woman if that’s not what you’re into.

      Tact will take you far, though. There’s nothing in the way you worded this comment that will endear yourself to a Dominant woman.

      • mort says:

        Your answer in a nutshell, “my way or the highway” such a sad excuse. Attack, and then attack again throughout your answer, and before I am attacked, yes I am submissive and have been in a d/s relationship for over 36 years. The only one being rude and hostile here was you, what I have read here today is sounds more like a child trying to trick someone in getting what they want then a woman and a man in a loving relationship. The one who posed the point to yours may be vanilla, but I gives you no right to open your mouth and be rude. Just so you know both my wife and I find the concept of “forced” chastity revolting, if you cannot understand that then you are the one who has the problem.

      • Domina Jen says:

        Congratulations, sounds like you and your wife are happy in your dynamic. As neither of you have any bearing whatsoever on my life or my relationships, I just don’t care about your opinions or what you find revolting.

  4. Steve says:

    I bought my wife one but we have not used it yet a bit scarded i am

    • Domina Jen says:

      There’s nothing to be afraid of. You can’t try a similar scenario to what I described. Set a time limit. Half an hour. 30 minutes won’t harm anything. And the worst that will happen is you don’t like it, and don’t use it again. You literally have nothing to use.

  5. Sarah says:

    I want to thank you so much for this post because it has literally changed my life. I came across it well over a year ago after hearing about chastity from a friend at work who has her husband locked up. I’m not at all a femdom kind of girl, so most of what I found online didn’t appeal to me and none of it really discussed the difficulty of doing this with a resistant man. We’re both young, most men consider me very fit and attractive (I dress sexy too), so I didn’t like the idea of him masturbating or getting erections to other women. My husband was beyond reluctant, more like hated the very idea! Your post inspired me to not give up. Fast forward to today and he is pierced and locked in a very tight and secure metal device to which only I have the single key (he can’t pull out). Believe it or not, he still genuinely dislikes it, but has gotten used to it and I’ve found ways to keep him busy to better cope with the sexual frustration and use that energy for something productive instead of sitting on the sofa all afternoon watching the game.

    I started off releasing him once a week, but now he is only permitted one ejaculation a month (if he’s been good). I absolutely hate it when he doesn’t clean the house or complains about wanting to orgasm, so he learned early on that I would just add more days to his chastity and that usually deters that behavior. I’ve learned to say no no matter how much he nags or gets upset and I feel empowered as a woman because of that. He pleasures me orally and with a strapon and vibrator almost nightly now beyond what were my wildest expectations. He also pampers me (baths, pedicures, etc) and does all kind of romantic gestures (flowers, etc). Now, I literally enjoy dragging him clothes shopping with me and seeing all the sexy women around that he has to respectfully admire without fantasizing about.

    It actually took a lot of effort and fighting and tears to get him to surrender to the eventual state he finds himself in today, but it was so well worth it! It has transformed him into a better man and husband without him even realizing and even he admits that despite disliking the sexual frustration, he appreciates women more now. I wouldn’t characterize our relationship as a full blown female led relationship now, but there has definitely been a reversal of things with him following my lead on almost everything, something that is amazing for an otherwise stubborn man. He handles most of the chores at home and I’ve taken over handling the finances.

    My life has become bliss and I have you to thank. I’m so glad I found this post again so I can share my experience with you and thank you for changing my life. When initially researching male chastity, it felt like everyone I came across believed that a man has to be submissive or desire chastity or ask it of his wife for it to work and I’m living proof that a when a woman has a will, there’s a way! We really need more women like you addressing male chastity from this point of view.

    • Domina Jen says:

      Thank you for the kind words! I’m glad this worked out for you!

    • Aneta says:

      Hi Sarah. I have a few questions to ask you. Could you please send me your email?

      • Sarah says:

        Hi Aneta,

        It would be my pleasure. I will provide Jen with my email address and she will send it to you, that way I don’t have to post it here for all to see.


    • mort says:

      You my dear belong in jail for spousal abuse. I would very much enjoy representing your husband in the divorce action, it will be so easy with you in jail. Simply put you are a fool.

      • Sarah says:

        What right do you have to judge me? I demanded this change from my husband and he reluctantly agreed. He doesn’t like it because it’s not easy for a man to remain chaste, but he doesn’t deny how much better our marriage has become. My husband loves me and does this reluctantly, but willingly nonetheless because he knows I refuse to have things any other way. None of this is abuse, you are just a judgmental jerk who thinks he can bully anyone who doesn’t live by his standards.

    • Anastazija says:

      Prince Albert piercing is very important for security to all balls trap Chastity devices. I highly recommend PA piercing. Lori CB, Steelworxx Revenge with PA lock. I personally love Mature metal Jail Bird with Steelworxx PA lock. Great combination for hygiene. Once a week I remove his CB for detailed cleaning and shaving or Brazilian wax. We have much more intimacy and sex than before his PA and Chastity belt. He now has the energy to satisfy me and for all housework.

    • Roy says:

      Hi Sarah,
      Hi Sara,
      I’ve read through these posts. I believe that you believe what you write. However, if your husband truly, genuinely does not like chastity it would not work. Perhaps you misunderstand what he likes about it? He is not in chastity by force of your will without consideration of his own needs. If that’s what you think, you are mistaken. He’s on board or he has found a work around and is humoring you. If neither is true, he will leave you.

  6. Rael Lindford says:

    The hell? What kind of batshit advice is this? In what world is it OK for women to try to manipulate men into doing something they refuse to do when their own body is concerned. You need to be locked up you psycho cunt. Some people are just not into things and it should be accepted. If I’m into intercourse with someone’s urethra but they aren’t it’s ok if i force it and nag to them until one day they let me.

    • Domina Jen says:

      Well someone is angry. I was actually planning on discussing this with you, and explaining the psychology behind it, until I got to the “psycho cunt” bit.

      No but it’s cool, name-calling is the best way to get people to take you seriously. It’s not something children and trolls do at all. You’re cute, though.

    • Sarah says:

      What a despicable misogynist comment! It’s guys like you who would benefit most from chastity, as it would force you to appreciate women. We all do things we don’t necessarily like for the ones we love because we love them. Yes, my husband doesn’t like being in chastity, but he knows how much it means to me and he finally agreed to it because he loves me and wants me to be happy. Its not like we’re never intimate, we have intimacy and romance all the time, the only difference is I only let him ejaculate once a month. He admits that we’re much more passionate now than before. He also says he appreciates and respects, yes respects, women much more now than before. What’s better, masturbating everyday or having intense passion with a woman minus the orgasm? I know that the frustration is difficult for him, especially at his age and living in a sexually expressive society, but he’s adjusted to it because I don’t give in to any whining. I simply provide the discipline needed to make this work, much like a personal fitness trainer. That’s primarily the reason I got him pierced, to eliminate any possibility of him masturbating without my permission. I cannot express enough how fantastic our life has become since I started strictly regulating his orgams. None of this would have been possible if I had simply backed off due to his initial irrational. I think chastity is something that would be beneficial to all men. Thanks to Domina Jen, I finally had the courage to make this a reality and for that she should be commended not condemned. She is awesome and has literally transformed my life for the better, I feel like I’m a queen! 🙂

      • Fuzzy says:

        Hi Domina Jen and Sarah,

        My wife and I read this entire post last weekend which answered questions we both had. She bought me a chastity device months ago and yes I tried it on a few times only when she complained.. Then hours or a day later after I complained she took it off. After reading this post and how Sarah made it work for her I went to get the chastity device. This time I put it on then handed the keys to my wife. I let her know I was ready to surrender my penis to her. It’s been almost a week I’ve had the device on without any release or complaining to my wife. I have to admit it’s not easy and at times it hurts when my penis tries to get hard. My wife agreed to take it off in 3 more weeks for a few hours but then it must go back on for a few months. I’m counting the hours at times but then I remember a comment Sarah said about using my time to do other things. If there is some interest I will update you in a few weeks or reply to your message the same day.

        We both thank you, more my wife though……..ha ha.


      • Domina Jen says:

        Thank you for sharing! I’m glad it’s going so well!

      • Sarah says:

        @Fuzzy First of all, I commend you for seeing past your fears or dislikes and doing this for your wife, it means you really care for her. Mine is a somewhat different story. My husband was against it from the get go and still is, so it required and still requires an extraordinary amount of reaolve and discipline from me for him to give in and remain in line. I have to say that getting him pierced and once that’s healed, into a small metal Lori device was the turning point in all this. I figured out early on that he was slipping out of his cb6000 and mastrubating behind my back, even though I was generously giving him a release every week. I knew because the effects of his chastity had waned. Getting him pierced was not easy, he fought all the way because he was afraid of losing control. I literally had to book the appointment and with the car running in the driveway tell him that if I leave without him, I’m not coming back (I don’t know if I would have never come back, but I was very determined and probably would have stayed away for a good while to show my displeasure). Nontheless, once I had secured in his new Lori, there was nothing he could do, it’s so tight, it doesn’t allow any room for growth at all, so it’s actually more comfortable for him at night. Best thing about it is that it hooks to his PA piercing and so he can’t pull out non matter how much he wants to masturbate. I then started to push his release out an extra well until I settled on him only. being allowed one orgasm a month with good behavior. For someone who was used to masturbating daily, this change was not easy for him and not something he desires, but I make it clear everyday that chastity is here to stay and whether he likes it or not, this is how things are going to be from now on. I’ve made it crystal clear to him that whining or complaining will only delay his chastity further and that he’s better off doing some chores. As cruel as this sounds, I will not give in to his begging, even though I feel guilty sometimes – there are a few times he’s gotten emotional and started to cry, because I know how much better off we are now as a couple and how this sacrifice is for his own good. He needs me to stand strong and not give in to any emotional manipulation, once a month means once a month, period! Just because I love him doesn’t mean I have to throw away all that we’ve worked for just for 10 seconds of pleasure that he’s going to have at the end of the month anyway. He has admitted to me that his perception of me has changed and that even his outlook on women in general has changed. He used to view them as the weaker sex who give into a man’s demands when pressured. He said he also respects women much more now and admires how hard they work to look good. He pays attention to and admired things about women that he never did before, such as the style of shoes they’re wearing or the highlights in their hair. I think the fact that he can’t masturbate away his feelings of lust for these women like he used to forces him to take notice of their beauty and sexiness in ways he was never able to do before. Sexually objectifying these women now is a wasted effort because he knows he’ll never get rid of his lustful feelings for them so he has to learn to deal with them. He has to respect and listen to a woman no matter how scantily dressed or how sexy he finds her. He has to accept the fact that I’m his only source of relief of his lust and that requires him to be on his best behavior with me. Things have never been greater in our marriage and we’re still in our 20’s! I’ve told my sister about this and now she is seriously considering it for her husband. My advice to you is to do your chores, focus on pleasuring her nightly, and think of her before thinking of yourself, it will make it easier for your to deal with the sexual frustration. Have your wife read this and tell her the most important thing is not to give in to any whining or feel guilty about any of this. The rewards to a relationship from the sacrifice of male chastity are unobtainable any other way and require a woman to be strong! Never lose sight of the benefits of male chastity, not only to you, but to him. My husband has become the perfect husband and man. If that means I have to force it on him when his dislike of chastity boils over occasionally then so be it. When that happens he usually calms down soon after and apologizes. Since I started adding days to his chastity, the number of times he’s done that has gone down and our days are mostly full of romance and adventure! Hope things go well with your wife, keep us posted.

      • Fuzzy says:

        Hi Sarah

        What an excellent post of your situation and thank you for the time you spent writing it. Our situation has also changed as my wife gained more knowledge from reading about the successes of male chastity. I will certainly agree with you as with your husband chastity stops in its tracks any selfishness toward women. I have always loved my wife and always will however I wasn’t always doing things in her best interest when I put mine first. That has all changed since she locked me in chastity. My wife decided to add some feminization to our relationship so now I must wear panties 24/7 and other items when she decides to punish me. My wife also ordered a Lori device which I am terrified of arriving. I’m well aware once in a Lori there is no chance of getting out of it without a special key. What I am trying to do is accept in my own mind chastity is here to stay so it doesn’t matter what device my wife wants me to wear. I can’t get out of the one I’m wearing now anyways. She wanted me to try to get out of it right in front of her the night it was locked in place. My wife only allows me time out of chastity for shaving and cleaning the device once a month. If I am good she will allow me to masturbate but if not the chastity device goes back on for another month no questions asked. In my case whining is not permitted and only adds time to my sentence. I spend most of my day looking after the house, cleaning and laundry for my wife. Most of the time the device on my penis is like a piece of jewelry. I wear it and it is part of me now. My wife has discussed chastity with her sisters and friends to educate them on how they can take control of deadbeat husbands. In my case I always helped my wife so that was the main problem. She always found it disgusting men masturbate so much so their lovemaking skills got worse. My wife told me I am much more into her now than before so it’s no longer about me. I did show her your reply Sarah while she sat shaking her head in agreement to some of the key points. At the end she said there is one smart woman. I have to agree Sarah you are smart.

        Take care,

      • Sarah says:

        @Fuzzy that’s wonderful to hear. The Lori device I locked my husband in works with his piercing and is completely escape proof. I love love love knowing that no matter how desperate he gets or how turned on he feels from me or the sex appeal all around us, he can’t do anything about it without my permission. If he’s good, I’ll allow a single supervised orgasm while looking at me and no other image. Although difficult for him and I always have to strictly enforce his compliance with chastity, I have learned to have fun with it too. The other day, I saw this pretty blonde in a short skirt and high heel sandals while we were at the mall. I simply leaned over and teasingly whispered in his ear “That skirt looks so fabulous on that lovely young woman, don’t you think sweetheart?”. It really did look great on her and I couldn’t pass up the chance to tease him a little. I know he doesn’t care for the chastity, but he does it for two reasons 1) he knows I insist on it and he wants me to be happy 2) he knows there’s no chance in hell I’ll ever let him go back to being a non-chaste man. I’m glad things are working out with your wife. I’m in the process of helping my sister get her stubborn husband into chastity, I’ll let you know how it turns out. Good luck with your wife and keep us posted on your progress.

      • Fuzzy says:

        Hi Sarah,

        My wife does the same kind of teasing both at home and when we are out together. She always asks me what would that woman think if she knew my penis was under lock and key. Then my wife threatens to tell the woman. My wife also informed me chastity is here to stay so the sooner I accept it is life now the better for me. I found not thinking about it works better for me instead of thinking some day I will be out and be back to the life I once had as her husband. My wife also let my mother and sister know I will be in permanent chastity so if anything happens to my wife they know where the keys are hidden. Then again my wife said to me why would my mother or sister let me out of chastity. My wife’s sister was here last weekend so she saw me in panties which made her smile not to mention my penis locked in its cage. I had to admit its a different type of life having no access to my penis or when to have sex or if I will ever have sex again. To keep my mind off of it my wife keeps me busy looking after the housework and laundry. The deal with her always changes so it is in my best interest to do what she tells me when she tells me. I always have more to lose that my wife does which is just the way she likes it. My wife hasn’t talked to anyone else in the family about chastity but she has talked to her best friend about the benefits. I am forbidden to warn anyone in advance. If I do and my wife gets wind of it my time in chastity will automatically double. Like your husband I am not fond of chastity either however she enjoys it and my job is to make her happy at all costs. You know they say happy wife means a happy life so when in chastity something to remember..

        Sorry to leave so soon but duty calls. My wife loves reading your posts and supports you all the way.


      • Sarah says:

        I think your wife is on he right track and I’m very flattered to have her support, that actually means a lot to me, I’d love to talk to her one day.

        We just got back from a beach vacation where many of the women there were young, beautiful, and wearing thong bikinis. Needless to say, I can tell this was especially challenging for my husband, but that’s just something he had to learn to deal with. I left the key at home since he still had a week to go before his monthly release anyway. Despite my expectations that he remain respectful, I caught staring on more than one occasion and had to remind him that politely looking is okay, but staring is rude and impolite. After the second day there, he threw a tantrum at the hotel, saying he was very horny, that he hadn’t had an orgasm in 3 weeks, and how that it’s not fair that no other guy there had to be chaste. My response was stern and went something like this, “first of all, the type of bikini a woman chooses to wear to the beach is no excuse for disrespectful leering or masturbation. You can look briefly and admire, but that’s it. I don’t care if other women allow their man frequent orgasms or don’t care if they masturbate, I will not tolerate my husband masturbating or attempting to circumvent his monthly release, period! Secondly, don’t you dare even dream of being in this marriage without chastity, seriously, we will never go back, do I make myself clear? This is how things are and will always be and if you don’t quickly learn to deal with it, we’re going to have a big problem. I love you and I want what’s best for us, but I refuse to be in a marriage without chastity. I’ll let this one time pass, but if you even so much as bring up your chastity again during the remaining portion of our vacation, it’ll be another month before I allow you a release.” I really meant what I said, this was not a game, this was a very heated exchange and I wasn’t going to back down. As much as I love my husband, male chastity is a deal breaker for my marriage. He was visibly upset and left the hotel room without saying anything. He returned a few hours later and apologized, said that he loves me, but hates having to be chaste and doesn’t feel once a month is enough release for him. I said to him that we don’t always necessarily like things that are good for us in life and that he needs to accept my decision on monthly releases. What he needs and what he wants are two different things. I reminded him of how much better of a husband and man he’s become since chastity. He nodded his head as to reluctantly agree and said he’ll try to be better about accepting the circumstances around my expectations and that he’ll do whatever he has to do to meet them. We embraced amd kissed and he gave me some of the best oral I’ve ever received! 🙂 The next day, I taught him some techniques to look at women the way other women would, such as taking notice of and respectfully admiring the color and pattern of her thong bikini rather than focusing entirely on her buttocks. I did allow him to stare at me in my bikini for as long as he wanted. I know he’s a young healthy man and that he can’t help being horny, but he needs to learn how to deal with being horny and around sexy women while respecting them, so this was a good lesson for him. He is a good looking guy in his 20’s (I’m told I’m just as hot, hehe), so I love it when a young woman our age tries to flirt with him, knowing he is caged and reserved for me and that her attempts are unknowingly only serving to tease him further in his chaste state. I make call any other woman he ever talks to “ma’am”, no matter her age or the circumstances. Anyway, we had a great rest of the vacation and there was no further whining or arguing from him.

        As for my sister, when I first mentioned male chastity to her, she was shocked that this actually existed, much like I was, and even more so when I confided in her that my husband was pierced and locked in a steel male chastity device and how the piercing worked with the device to ensure no possibility of him pulling out. I also told her how it was my idea and his much he dislikes chastity and that it is essentially enforced upon him by me, but also of the results, such as how much he pampers me and gives me oral and how he does all the chores and if he’s good recieves one monthly supervised masturbatory ejaculation while looking at me. A huge accomplishment for an athletic, good looking 20 something couple, don’t you think? 😉 She immediately fell in love with the idea and wanted my help in getting her husband to this state, so our plan is to have her introduce the use of a plastic device and teaching her how to overcome his resistance, which she expects to be as much as I faced with my husband. I’ll let you know how that goes.


      • Fuzzy says:

        Hi Sarah,

        It sounds like you had an interesting vacation. I have felt the same as your husband first hand when my wife actually selected certain women for me to look at knowing my tastes. It was cruel and it hurt like hell as my penis tried so hard to get out. My wife is determined to retrain my male ways however until that happens I feel the pain of the device that keeps my penis locked in place. You and my wife have so much in common with your determination to enforce chaste. We talk all the time and for the most part live a normal married couples life. There are a few things that my wife will never ever change after putting them in place. One is chastity of course. The cost of the device, the piercing and her time getting me where I am now no way will we ever go back to the way things were when we got married. Another is my wife is always in control so living in an FLR for me is a done deal. My wife makes all the decisions, handles the finances and I do what she tells me to do. My job when she is not home is basically the maid. All of the housework is mine and I’m responsible to get it all done or else. My monthly release might not be met if I fail in my duties. As long as I do what I am told to do life is good. You know happy wife is happy life even when you are in chaste.
        My wife and I had a conversation about a doctor’s appointment next week. I asked if she would remove the chastity device for the appointment but my wife said no way. Sarah it’s a physical appointment so you might see why I don’t want my doctor to see me in chaste. My wife is taking the stand that this is my life no matter doctor or not. She also feels a doctor has seen other men in chastity devices before. I was advised to stop asking or she would force me to wear pink panties too. I always know when to stop or not push the envelope. My wife doesn’t fool around so when she says something it will happen to me.
        Good luck with helping your sister’s husband. I started off in a plastic device too but when I was able to get it off things changed to a more permanent solution. If your sister is like you or most women it’s all about training and determination. My wife told me she knew if she could get any device on me plastic or metal just once she would be able to repeat that process over and over. She was right.
        Let me know how it goes Sarah.


      • Sarah says:

        Yes, we had a fantastic time and it was a great opportunity for him to learn some self control and respect for women, their bodies, and their choice of clothing or swimwear. Just because a woman is wearing a thong bikini absolutely does not give a man the right to rudely stare, objectify, or masturbate to what he’s observed. There’s absolutely no excuse for that behavior whatsoever, it’s a highly disrespectful way of viewing women and I will not tolerate it. Yes, like your wife, I will never allow my husband to get out of this arrangement and yes, the cage should always be tight and not allow any room for growth, it should punish any of those disrespectful thoughts. It’s good that she has you pierced, that was the turning point in our relationship, when he couldn’t cheat anymore and became so desperate that he had no choice but to do as he’s told to get his one and only supervised monthly release. We too are in an otherwise regular relationship, with FLR and seriously enforced male chastity being the only exception. I know he dislikes the chastity, but even he can’t deny that he’s a better husband and man than he was before. As for the doctor visit, I agree with your wife, however, I strongly recommend that she find a doctor that is understanding and accepting of your situation. My close friend from college, who is also my gynecologist, has agreed to see my husband in both his regular physician and urologist screenings. She is aware of our situation and he is the only male patient she sees out of a personal favor to me. I accompany him to all his visits, which is twice a year, sometimes more. He is completely naked for the urological exams and she even puts him in the stirrups, which he hates, but I find very amusing. I unlock him before she starts and she usually does a very complete and thorough exam and directs all her questions to me. She even gets the nurses to get me ice when I have to shrink him back down to lock him back in his cage. She’s a good looking woman touching his chaste sensitive parts, so I don’t punish him for getting hard during the exam. She is not only accepting of our lifestyle, she finds it amusing and always has this huge smile on her face when she sees us. As for my sister, we’re still waiting on the device, will keep you posted. I’ve given her some reading material in the meantime to introduce awaken her to female empowerment.

      • Fuzzy says:

        Hi Sarah,

        You and my wife would get alone so well with similar beliefs. I didn’t know your husband cheated on you so now I can see why the chaste forever. In my case I never cheated but my wife thought I might with a neighbor who used to tease me when my wife wasn’t around. That is how she started me with the plastic devices then slowly moved me to a Lori. In a way the plastic devices were like a game I was losing without knowing. Even the piercing didn’t send the permanent signal like the arrival of the Lori. The Lori talk me what permanent means and how determined my wife was to lock me up. The masturbating ended and so did penetration with my wife using my penis that is. My wife agreed with you on becoming a better husband that you mentioned. I am more under her control now and more attentive than ever before. My wife told it would happen in time but I was not a believer. Guess what? I am now.
        As for the doctor visit that I went to today. My physical went just fine and in my case no need to unlock the Lori. Our doctor is a school friend of my wife’s so she has seen us for a few years. She doesn’t necessarily support chastity however she doesn’t see anything wrong with it. When you doctor lets you know when you’re wearing a very nice chastity device it says something. The ice idea you mentioned was an option for me today as well since I heard my wife ask the nurse before my appointment. I feel more women today are looking into or leading an FLR relationship. In my case my wife explained that is the way it is and there is nothing I can do about it. As long as I obey her life is like any other relationship. The times I don’t mean another month under lockup for me which I prefer not to do. My wife made it clear that she is under no obligation to ever unlock the Lori so it’s up to me if she does. Sitting once a month in front of my wife for 5 minutes while I masturbate is more please than I get all month. I know it’s only 5 minutes but for that 5 minutes a month I will do anything for my wife and she knows it. I notice your husband got angry on your vacation and was horny. That happens to me too however my wife is good at talking me down. If I look at another woman even with my wife’s approval it’s a look and never a stare, no way. At times I have begged to be released from my Lori without success. My wife would sit me down and explain why I wear the Lori for her and its importance for our relationship to be successful. Within a few minutes I calm down, not that I agree 100% with her but I know she won’t ever unlock the Lori ahead of my monthly schedule. It sounds like your sister is in good hands with you as her teacher. I hope it goes well.

        Thanks, Fuzzy

      • mort says:

        My dear I give respect to those who earn it, you have not. Just a woman who wants, then wants, oh and then wants some more. Very selfish, very sad and anni said before very criminal.

      • tippguy says:

        I am sure you are very happy, but what about your poor husband? You say you are not at all femdom minded, but yet you basically forced him into it. You get all the pleasure you want, but he gets nothing. He should have left when he discovered what a controlling abusive person you really are. This is no better than when you read about women who won’t leave their abusive husbands because they believe they love them really.
        Consensual chastity, and bdsm can be rewarding, but there was nothing consensual or caring about this!

      • Sarah says:

        First of all, I take considerable exception with your attempt to mischaracterize me as an abusive wife for simply demanding male chastity from my husband. My husband has learned to equate his happiness with mine. He wasn’t forced into this, I simply insisted upon it and made it clear that it was a requirement of our marriage going forward and he agreed to comply. Yes, I get all the pleasure I want whenever I want, that’s the whole basis of a FLR with male chastity, but he does get pleasure too. He gets to be romantically intimate with me on an almost nightly basis and I’m a very fit and good looking young woman, how many guys can claim that? You are basing his pleasure purely on his own orgasm, which is a very narrow minded and judgemental way of looking at this; besides, he does get a release at the end of the month if he’s been good. He should have left when he found out how controlling I am? What right do you have to judge me? This is not a fetish of his, so of course he’s naturally resistant to it and yes, I do enforce it very strictly because otherwise he won’t comply, that’s why they call it enforced chastiry. He himself has admitted to the benefits that I’ve instilled in him for his own good and has told me countless times how much more he appreciates me and how much more courteous he’s become to women in general. He is learning how to appreciate female beauty and sexuality without feeling compelled to extinguish his extreme feelings of lust. He knows that I love him and I don’t need your judgemental approval for how we practice chastity. There’s nothing non-consensual about this! I didn’t kidnap him, I’m not blackmailing him, I didn’t force him to get pierced or lock the chastity device on him without his approval. I may have pressed him very hard on it, but that is a far cry from non-consensual and frankly your attempted mischaracterization of me and my marriage based on what you deem to be acceptable is completely baseless and illogical.

  7. Domina Jen says:

    No worries. If you’re willing to continue the discussion with Fuzzy or his wife, email me with the address you’d like him to use, and I’ll give it to him. That way neither of you have to post your email publicly. My email is

  8. kelly says:

    we are newlywed, and go beach a lot. but i didn’t like my husband getting turned on at beach by looking at other women in bikini.
    so now i keep him locked chastity belt every time at beach and home.
    and in punishment i also wear micro string thong on beach.

  9. kelly says:

    hi sarah
    i also told this to my mom, and likes this too, its only me and my mother have key to my husbands lock. i gave 1 key to her in case on emergency.
    my husband mostly stays naked at home with just chastity belt. sometimes my friends also come. and yes my friends also support this.

    • lovely says:

      Hi Kelly
      I think he so lucky when found wife like you and you must be proud to locked him in chastity , I advice you have a party with your friends with hot dresses and keep him naked with chastity and let him be maid to give him the orders . I’m sure it will be an enjoyable party

  10. mort says:

    So you support spousal abuse how nice to know, this is my first ever visit to this site, it won’t be my last the voice of reason needs to be heard. Frankly that you advocate such activity may well get you into some very interesting legal difficulty. When she threatened to leave, he would have be so much better off letting, oh and by the way there is simply no such thing as “permanent” or escape proof chastity, key or no key it can be removed.

    • Domina Jen says:

      The voice of reason needs to be heard?

      Sweetheart, this is my site. The only voices heard are the ones I approve. You may have noticed in your comment spam that every comment is moderated and approved before it will appear on the site.

      Literally the only reason your voice has been heard so far is because I’ve specifically given you permission to be heard.

      Now, if you think you have something my readers need to know, tact will take you a long way. If tact and civility are beyond the realm of your capabilities, there’s no reason to engage or to allow you to respond to other commenters. All I have to do is take away your voice.

      So calm the fuck down, put the troll hat away, and we’ll have a polite and constructive conversation. Otherwise, I’ll just shrug and silence you, and not a single word you write will be read by anyone.

  11. gentleman603 says:

    I am in an ordinary vanilla relationship and I would very much like my partner to lock me up in chastity to spice things up. She on the other hand is not that way inclined. Would you have any comments on how I could possibly get her interested in doing something like that and actually take this step in our relationship?

  12. stephanie says:

    have you buckle up him up yet?


  13. nikki sub says:

    i am always in my chastity device, it was something i disliked so much at first, but now i just don’t feel right unless i am locked up in it, not having my device lock in place makes me in fact feel vulnerable. i know it sounds strange but the device is now part of me.

  14. bizulk says:

    I found the way you try to convince very interesting. I would be tempted to let my wife try to lock it just to feel something new or let’s say materialized, because frustration I know it the bad way. She is no dominant and I don’t find myself submissive. But why not play some roles sometimes. But I still wonder why trying to get it days or month long when it’s just some BDSM games. There is a pleasure to start it and end.
    Sometimes I think that dominant and submissive people are both dependant people, not free to live toghether. Hope you understand me.
    Please apologize for my english, this is not my native langage.

    • Domina Jen says:

      I wouldn’t say “dependent,” I would say it’s a duality. Like all dualities in the natural world, one cannot exist without the other. You can’t have day without night, you can’t have male without female, you can’t have life without death.

      I’m not sure what you mean about Dominants and submissives not being free to live together. My submissive husband and I live together, as we have for 7 years, and it’s worked well for us, because it’s what comes naturally to us. We don’t have to pretend to be something we’re not, we don’t have to follow arbitrary mainstream rules for what a marriage is supposed to be.

      I would consider our marriage quite a bit more free than a more traditional marriage, where society’s expectations mean more than what feels comfortable to us as individuals.

  15. soapyone says:

    Domina Jen, We are glad we found your site. We agree, the moderator has the right on their own site to determine who gets to say what! Otherwise, trolls would reign over everything. 🙂

    My wife, MM (Mistress Mary) and i have been Domme/sub since we met over 30 years ago. Our life seems very vanilla when viewed from the outside, which is the way MM wishes it to be.

    We started discussing chastity more than 20 years ago, and there were not many devices out there at that time. So, we tried different homemade items (not all of what we tried are recommended, however.)

    When the Stallion Guard came out, MM liked the leather and steel combination, but if the leather became wet, it could stretch and allow release. Then the Gates of Hell came out, so we tried that. Not a very good experience there, so back to the Stallion Guard.

    Then the Curve and the CB3000 came out. The CB3000 series was nice, but we found i could pull out the back of it, like almost any of the CBx000 devices. So, we went with the Points of Intrigue. “Ouch!” i get night erections and found these painful for the obvious reasons.

    Our first CB3000 and our first CB6000 both split down the seam of the plastic giving the zipper effect at night when sleeping. It is more painful than waking up with cramps in both legs at the same time. Having to remove the lock, pry the plastic apart to pull the pinched skin of the penis from the seam which sealed back and pinched the skin is not fun.

    So, then we moved to the KTB. For those who don’t know, the Kali’s Teeth Bracelet is a ring with spikes inside to prevent erections. We purchased one with medium spikes, the ring and post which goes behind the balls and the post is welded to the ring and allows the KTB to be screwed shut with the secure Allen Wrench. This device we still have but only use for extreme BDSM play. Maybe a few times a year when MM is in the mood to allow me to be hurt.

    We have a steel CB6000s which has the most comfortable of all the rings/post combination we have found, since MM will not allow a PA piercing on her toy. So, no Lori’s Tube for us. Currently the steel ring and posts are holding a light pink CB6000s (plastic – so far, more than a year and no split at the seam on this one) device in place. Last year, we made 331 days, 289 days in 2016. So far, this year, we are at 23 days of continuous lockup.

    MM allowed me to purchase a safe with Internet control to lock the keys in, so i will not know when the release day or time is, but the website allows for teasing me with time from MM, my keyholder.

    We have a consensual Dynamic D/s relationship which works for us. She doesn’t have to tie me down to stop me from touching myself if she releases me. We have found other ways to take the ‘edge’ off of my erections, so to speak. But, we are sure this would be different for other couples.

    Again, we love your blog/site and are glad to have found it. Thanks again.

  16. Anastazija says:

    All started five years ago when we were trying to get a baby. I was then thirty years old and he was 25. After two spontaneous abortions, I remained pregnant again. The doctor told me that I have to rest, without sex for the whole pregnancy, because orgasmic contractions could cause an abortion.
    During pregnancy I caught my husband masturbating with some disgusting pornography. I had a very difficult childbirth. Twins came to the world.
    After giving birth, my husband having sex with me once a month. After a year, I again caught him masturbating with pornography. I was furious, the next day I went to a friend of the gynecologist for a contraceptive pill, for another man.
    After a gynecological examination, a friend told me: Your vagina is in great condition. What is your sexual life? I told her what it is.
    Chastity belt is the solution, my husband wears CB for years. The next day, we talked for a long time at a coffee shop about all aspects of husband with CB on penis. Where do I buy this wonder device? I’ll take you away. That evening I had a long conversation with my husband. Tomorrow he started wearing CB 6000.

    Chastity belt should successfully prevent the husband’s masturbation.CB 6000 did not succeed. He could pull out the penis, masturbate, and bring him back in device. When I discovered it was logical to take him to Prince Albert piercing. I’ve been researching. I wanted a metal cage with excellent hygiene and it could be applied, PA lock. Mature Metal Jail Bird and Steelworxx PA lock.The penis is circumcised and PA piercing done. After healing I put his penis I in a specially made Jail Bird. exactly as the penis in flaccid state. After that, Steelworxx PA lock.

    He could not masturbate now. The hygiene was great so I took off his cage once a week. Then the real changes began. Tease and denial and ruined orgasm after denial period, they changed his brain, and gave him a lot of energy to satisfy me and for all the household chores.
    His denial period is 5 weeks minimum to 9 maximum. 5 weeks if his behavior is for an example. If the house or courts are not clean, he will get a week more. Any protest on my decision also increases his denial period for a week.

    When the realization finally comes, he will get it ruined orgasm. After full orgasm he loses focus and becomes lazy for days.

    He thought and only thoughts of me, children and home all time.
    Now I’m Goddess for him …

    • bizulk says:

      Hello ! Thank you for your experience. You are in my mind an awful piece of woman! , such selfishness… . Most of men do need more sex than once a week, but you don’t seem to care about it. Because he did not want to have non marital sex and to harass you with his needs you may refuse, he did masturbate for relief.
      And you charge him for that…

      • Domina Jen says:

        Tact, bro. I don’t tolerate assholes here. If you disagree, I expect you to be civil. If you lack the rudimentary conversational skills for that, then shut the hell up.

      • bizulk says:

        I apologize for my rudeness if so. There is the art and the way : I did not meant to uselessly insult but point out this attitude. To me it is very different for what I could read elsewhere in this blog.

      • Anastazija says:

        FLR is not for everyone. The beauty is that every couple can modify it to their needs. He has a lot more sex than before. The only difference is that his orgasms are rare. He enjoys more than before (he says). More sex, more intimacy and more housework.

  17. Dragan says:

    I do not know when it happened, but I became a porn addict. This addiction was accompanied by excessive masturbation. I would rise up from bed to watching the porn and masturbate at night. It became more important to me than my wife and her satisfaction. Many times she caught me doing this, I regretted that I would stop, but I did not.
    One day she told me: “I bought you a gift.” I was eagerly unpacking. It was CB 6000 short.
    -This will help you to get rid of your addiction. I did not say anything.
    – I want to you wear CB. Is that clear? Obviously, you have a big problem with porn and masturbation.
    -Yes, I have.
    -Do you want to put it yourself in, or you want to I do it? I did not say anything
    -Get to the bathroom and take of pants and panties. I did what she told me.
    She shaved my pubic hair, put the ring around the balls. My penis got an erection.
    -I do not need your erection now. Get in the tub. She let the iced water in the shower. The erection is gone. The penis slid slowly into the cage. I hear click, the sound of the padlock. After two hours she took off my CB. Already after 15 days, I was used to wear CB all day except nights. Then one night she told me I would sleep with CB. We had a long cunnilingus, after which she fell asleep and slept beautifully. I got up five times. When I told her that I could not sleep, she told me that I would get used to time.
    After about ten days I discovered that I can pull out my penis masturbating and bring it back in CB after masturbation. It was not long gone and my wife caught me in masturbation.
    -I thought that you would not need Prince Albert piercing, but that’s necessary. Three months of healing without CB and then Steelworks Revenge and PA lock. The CB is made by my size, size right by size of my penis in flaccid state. The cage restrict even the slightest erection.
    The days when she take of CB every day for cleaning they passed. It is reduced on a weekly basis. Ejaculation once a week extended to one in 6 weeks. I was begging for realization this days, but my wife only extended to one week more.
    In the end, when I stopped thinking about my penis, my ejaculation, and my orgasm I began to enjoy to giving my wife pleasure.

    Cunnilingus got a new meaning for me, submissive and as a source of satisfaction. Intercourse is a different story. CB and denial in me cause very fast cum (about minutes) This is unacceptable to my wife, and completely change my denial cycle which is bad for me.
    Benzocaine condoms like Durex Performa cause that I can not ejaculate during intercourse. With such a condom, I do not feel much. I need a stronger penis in out penetration to keep an erection.
    Sometimes that is pleasurable to my wife, sometimes not, depending on her mode. We have intercourse about three times a month. Usually every day is a cunnilingus, sometimes a penetration with a mouth dildo.

    And yes, my brain has changed. I keep thinking about her, how to please her. I have energy for both her and housework.

  18. Mark says:

    Hi, I find chastity intriguing. I’ve been following the thread, and in your initial advice you say to encourage, bribe or cajole the man to try chastity but not blackmail or force chastity on the husband. Sarah above says, “I didn’t force him into this I simply insisted upon it” and made it clear that it was a requirement for our marriage going forward”. This is basically “do it or we are finished” its basically forcing it on him. It breaks the advice given by Domina Jen. Also she states, “honor your commitment to let him out”. Sarah says if he misbehaves she adds on more time to the chastity. This is cruel, spiteful, very manipulative, and breaks the trust rule. Someone also said chastity makes men respect women. And if a woman wears a thong, he knows not to objectify. Respectfully if a woman wears a thong, I’m going to look at her ass. She wants me to. I’m not going to stare, or catcall, start to masturbate, or any of that nonsense. If a man needs chastity to “correct” some issue; not respecting women, masturbating, (perfectly healthy, by the way) or cheating, then this is a huge red flag not to do it. Chastity is a kink, nothing more. Also, If you insist on constant oral servitude, worship, obedience to your will, but give him nothing but frustration in return, isn’t this very unfair? Won’t this take a normal man, or at least a stable functioning partner, and make him a slave, weakling, wimp, sissy, etc. – what I mean is less of a man. If you destroy his manhood, than when you want or need the “Man”, to work, to make love, to defend you, If there are times when some semblance of confidence or spine is needed, the “Man” won’t be there anymore. Long-term chastity seems to make the woman inevitably more dominant and the man inevitably more submissive and pitiful. Is this what was wanted at the outset. A married man wants a partner right? You get married with an expectation of happy equality and mutual love and reciprocity, right? But if you enter into kink play that you imagine is safe, sane, consensual, and TEMPORARY and wind up with a woman like “sarah” isn’t this a breaking of the marriage contract? Is it ethical to do this to a man, even if you slowly indocrinate him into long term chastity? Shouldn’t he have a say, a safeword, a way out short of divorce? And a Prince Albert? I hope that no woman would force it on a man, or even suggest it without a serious and honest discussion where the man has total say in the matter. FLRs, woman as complete ruler, long tern chastity, forced feminization, cuckolding, they all strike me as cruel and very abusive unless the man really, really, likes it. I’ve read many story from women such as “Sarah”, Is there a safer, saner, and much more loving model than the total femdom one that Sarah describes? Trying to understand it, that’s all.

    • Domina Jen says:

      K, first of all, dude, *paragraphs.* Your wall-o-text hurts my eyes.

      Second, oh you sweet summer child. There is *so much* to unpack here.

      But you’ve been respectful in asking your questions, so I’m happy to answer them. However, I know myself and know the answer will get long (some of your questions are a little loaded and can’t really be answered in a few words, and the kind of mindset that inspires a few of your questions needs to be unpacked), so I’ll add it as a new post. I think your questions/concerns are somewhat common among men unfamiliar with chastity and Femdom, and it might help others who have the same questions you do.

      Third, Sarah is one person, describing one relationship. I cannot speak for her and don’t want to. My opinions about her method and her relationship don’t particularly matter. As long as everything is consensual (which isn’t quite as cut-and-dry as you might think, and I’ll explain why in my answer), and there’s no abuse happening, how she runs her marriage is none of my business. Whether I agree or disagree, and to what extent, is irrelevant. So I’m going to avoid delving into her relationship and the decisions she makes.

      You can obviously see that she and I differ in some key areas, and that’s expected. Dommes are people, we’re not a hivemind collective. We’re going to have areas where we disagree. I’m not going to pass judgment on a relationship I know nothing about (and reading a description online doesn’t constitute “knowing about” the relationship in question).

      But yeah, give me a day or so to write it out and I’ll publish it.

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