Reorganization

We finally got around to having our talk.  With everyone in town, it’s been hard to coordinate a block of time where we knew we wouldn’t be interrupted.  But we finally did.

And we’re going to do a big reset, a major reorganization of our relationship.  Communication, as vital as it is to any relationship, but especially a D/s one, is something we need to work on.  He’s extremely independent, and has a million walls up around him, and I’ve got that tendency to remain a bit detached and unemotional, so talking about how we feel isn’t something we normally do.  Vulnerability isn’t really our thing.

So immediately, we decided that needed to change.  Every Sunday, we’re going to set aside at least an hour to talk about how we’re doing, how the relationship is going, what our feelings and expectations are, and all of that.  It’s also the time to address any concerns, ask any questions, make any adjustments that need to be made.  He requested that all the rules regarding his behavior and speech be suspended during those conversations, and of course I granted it.  It’s a time for us to talk, to sit down and get shit out in the open.

We’re also putting together an actual contract, detailing the ins and outs of our relationship, and what we each expect from the other.  And that’s something we haven’t done.  Kazander has always had his rules, of course, but the contract should help us quite a bit.

I started doing maintenance spankings a while back.  And now, I’m adding two more maintenance activities to his day.  He’s going to get his maintenance spankings every day, and he’s also getting maintenance edges.  Every evening, I’ll let him out of his cage, edge him ten times, and then lock him back up for the night.

Another thing that has caused an issue is his job, particularly at the end of the quarter.  He’s in charge all day, and it’s stressful as hell.  So when he gets home, sometimes it’s difficult to shrug all of that off.  It’s tough for him to leave the stress at the door.

So now, every evening, when he gets home, he is to go straight to the bedroom, and spend five minutes sucking my strap-on, on his knees.  If I’m right, that should help him shed his Alpha Male persona and put him in the submissive mindset, where I want him.  A maintenance “blow job,” if you will.

As soon as the kid goes to sleep, he’s also going to be naked.  And plugged, more often than not.

The general conclusion that I’ve come to is that I need to come to acknowledge the fact that my boy is an Alpha, and grew up in a world where you had to be tough or die (something that got slammed home the other night, listening to him and Jay talk about their childhood.  Holy shit, man).

At his core, he is submissive, through and through.  But life taught him to put up those walls, and his instinct is to hide who he really is behind a veil of Alpha manliness.  And I don’t want to unmake who he is.  I kind of like who he is.

But I do need to make more of an effort to put him in the mindset I want him in, and to keep him there.  My absolute favorite thing is when he’s in that deliciously low, slutty frame of mind.  When he just melts, when he becomes that soft, timid, adorable little thing…  That’s my favorite.

But life often gets in the way, and it’s unrealistic for me to expect him to be in that mindset all the time, without any kind of influence from me.  I need to do my part as his Domme to get him there and keep him there.

So that’s awesome.  And I’m excited about the contract, too.  There are a few more things that need to be done, a few more things we need to put in it.  But it should be done by Monday, and I think that will definitely help us out.

4 thoughts on “Reorganization

  1. Polthus says:

    Awesome you made a plan modify negative behavior and progress in your dynamic at the same time. K is a lucky boy, and I’m sure he knows it.

  2. Kitty says:

    I love the idea of making him suck a strap on when he gets home from work. Some people like to unwind with a cup of tea and a biscuit. Your husband gets to suck a strap on to transition back to submissiveness. =]

    My fiancé is an alpha male through and through when in public, but it never affects me because inside our house, it’s my rules and he’s submissive. Outside the house he’s a very manly alpha male. In our case there is no need for a transition because he works from home, but I think if there is a boundary between conventional and kinky, such as indoors/outdoors, it can only be a good thing to have a decent ritual to transition from one mindset to the other. I can see how that could work very well.

    • Domina Jen says:

      Yeah, I think it’ll make a big difference. And I was surprised at how easily he agreed to it. I was expecting some reluctance and some arguing, but he actually likes the idea. I think it’s like with kids, how they don’t necessarily like having to follow rules, but they just instinctively crave that structure. I think it’s the same with kazander. He craves that mindset, he craves being put there. I don’t think he’s as happy being Alpha as he is being submissive. We haven’t started it yet, because there are still some kinks to work out in our contract, but I’m very optimistic about it.

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