So I was looking through some blogs earlier this evening, and came across this one, from Kitty With a Key.
And really, it felt good to read it. It’s so nice to know that there are others out there like me, dealing with the real, day-to-day details. Sure, there’s this fantasy of what a Domme is supposed to be, and what a D/s relationship is supposed to be. But it doesn’t always work that way.
Ironically, mere hours after reading her blog post, I experienced the exact thing she described. After catching up on the blogs I follow, I set the computer down, sufficiently horny from reading a few of the posts, and turned to kazander.
Now, keep in mind that I let him cum last night. I really shouldn’t have, because he’s been a snarky asshole, but I’ve let that go, because of the issue with our house.
That’s how he handles things like that. It was the same when I got mugged. For a few days, he just goes into this ultra-Dom mode. It’s how he copes. When something happens that makes him feel out-of-control (in the bad way, not the good way) his response is to grab onto that control and cling to it for dear life.
And really, I can’t be angry at him for that. And I can’t, in good conscience, deny him his coping mechanism. So I’ve let him do his obnoxious assertive cave-man thing.
Last night, though, he crossed a line. So I shoved him back to the right side of that line.
We were playing around, just light teasing. I can’t remember what he said, but I replied by reaching down to his ass and saying something like, “I should put something in here, instead.”
And you want to know what that little fucker said?
He said, “No.”
Oh, hell no.
I said, “No?”
And then, because he’s an idiot, he repeated himself. Something about him being tired, it was late, blah blah blah, other shit I don’t care about.
So I immediately got up, grabbed the dildo and the lube, and then sat back down, pushing his legs up to expose his ass. He was all pissy and doing that eye-roll thing, but I really didn’t care. Coping mechanism or not, he knows better than that. He knows damn well he could’ve said, “Please, Mistress. I’m very tired. Would it be alright if we rainchecked?”
Or something. I don’t know. But he could’ve said that, and I would’ve been fine with it. Wouldn’t have given it a second thought. And he knows this, because he’s done it in the past. I’m more than willing to give him the occasional night off, if he’s just not feeling it.
But to say, “No,” was seriously crossing the line. Especially since he and I have had repeated discussions regarding his choice of words in recent weeks.
So fuck him. I completely ignored his eye-rolling and those annoying sighs that he (and a lot of women) does when he’s irritated, and shoved it in with very, very little regard to his comfort level.
I was expecting to just prove a point. To keep it in for a few minutes, smack him around a bit, and then send him to bed. But then he got horny. Of course, by this point, I certainly wasn’t. His attitude is the biggest damn turn-off that exists.
But he was doing what I wanted, so what the hell? I sat on his face for awhile, alternating between edging him and beating his dick and balls. I was bored out of my mind, but because I was working toward a specific goal, I figured I could deal with the boredom. Then, because I had a plan for the next couple of weeks, I decided to let him cum.
Yes, I know, I know. Even as I let him do it, I knew I shouldn’t have. Oh well.
But after he came and recovered, I told him that I wanted him to put the cage back on in the morning, before he went to work. And was met with another eye roll. I told him, “Bitch all you want, but you’re still going to do it.”
And I left it at that. I went to bed, confident that he was going to obey me, and the next few days would be filled with all kinds of fun.
So the next morning, I woke up and saw the key, but no cage. So I texted him to ask if he was wearing the cage, and received no answer (which was all the answer I needed).
And my plan immediately changed. There was going to be some legitimate punishment. I still have some ginger left over from a recipe I made. So I planned to put that to use.
I was out at a munch when he got home, so I assumed he’d take the opportunity to right the wrong and put the cage on.
Yes, I know what they say about assumptions. Silly me.
When I got home, I asked him if he had the cage on, and he said no. No apologies, no “sorry, I forgot,” not even a decent excuse. I felt cheated.
So my plan changed again. After I set the computer down, I turned to him.
He must have known what I was thinking, because before I could even say anything, he declared that he was exhausted and was going to go to bed.
I said, “Let’s go to the bedroom, first.”
And he said, “No, I’m tired. I’m going to bed.”
“No, playtime first. I’m horny.”
“That’s what your wand is for.”
At this point, this isn’t a coping mechanism. This is just him being an ass. And he knew he was being an ass. He knew exactly what he was doing.
I had a few options, here. I could force him, like I did last night. But dammit, I was tired, too. I didn’t feel like doing it. I don’t feel like fighting for his submission every day. I don’t want to have to make it a constant struggle, to deal with the eye-rolling and the bitchiness, and pretend that his fucking attitude turns me on. I wanted to have fun.
I could switch my plan from my super-fun idea to just a severe flogging, or spanking, like I did for his last punishment. But just wailing on a boy’s ass for half an hour gets boring. And again, I’ll have to deal with the attitude.
And fuck that. I don’t want to deal with his attitude again tonight.
So instead, I shrugged, picked up my phone, and said, “Fine. I’ll have zane or the virgin come over.”
That got his attention. He said, “Why?”
Why do you think?
I told him why. Because I was horny, and want someone to serve me. If he’s not willing, I know two others who would gladly take his place.
And funny enough, just at that moment, zane texted me. Convenient, right?
I thought about having him come over after kazander went to bed, but then decided against it. All my toys and our equipment is in the bedroom, where kazander is, and I see no reason to go in there and wake him up, when he has to work in the morning. Just because he’s an ass, doesn’t mean I should be.
So I didn’t get any fun tonight. Zane is coming over Friday or Saturday night, and I need to text the virgin to find out when I can have him come over.
And my plans for the next few days have changed again. Part of me wants to just ignore him. That’s the thing he hates most of all. So much so, that I’ve never even used it as a punishment. It might be time to bring that into play.
But I have other options, as well. There’s always the ginger. That may be put to use tomorrow. He hates figging.
He also hates being flogged, so it may be time to get the flogger out, as well. And if he chooses to go to work without his cage again, I think I’ll be taking a trip down to the adult bookstore. I lost my big purple dildo (the one he has trouble handling even after he’s been warmed up) in Hawaii, so I need a replacement. He can handle all of the ones I own too easily. I also need a paddle, so I can spank him harder.
But those options require effort on my part. And as of now, I’m not entirely sure he’s worth it. I’d still have to deal with the attitude. And, I mean, why? Why should I have to resort to playing with someone I don’t want to? Not when I can make a phone call or send a text and bring someone else over; someone I’d actually enjoy playing with. Oh, and the nerd texted me again a couple of days ago. So if kazander’s out of the picture, then forced bi is out of the picture, and the nerd is no longer out of the running.
But this snarky, obnoxious pattern of his is ending, one way or another. It’s been going on for months, and I’m officially tired of it. For the first months of our marriage, things were amazing. Like, the best they’d ever been.
And then, almost overnight, he just shut down. And there was nothing I could do to bring him back. Even now, he’s not the same. I’ll get a few days, at the most, where he’s what he used to be, but then he goes right back to the asshole again.
So after awhile, I got tired of trying and started looking for someone else to play with, since he apparently had no interest. It didn’t take long to find the nerd, zane, and the virgin. Three potential boys in three months. Oh, and that’s not counting the retired porn star I’m meeting next week (which in all honesty, probably isn’t going to work out, but is still fun to brag about). There are way more male subs here than there are Dommes.
He keeps insisting he’s submissive (which I have started to seriously doubt) and that the reason he’s an ass is because I don’t make him obey. Because I’m not “mean enough.”
Because I don’t drag him down by his hair, every damn day, regardless of how I’m feeling or what I want, and force him.
Alright, he’s going to get mean. Whichever option I end up choosing, he’ll get what he wants. And if he can’t handle it, I think I’ve made it obvious to him that I can (and will) find someone else who will.
Problem officially fucking solved.
So he’s going to hate his life for the next week or so. And I couldn’t care less.