Problem solved.

So I was looking through some blogs earlier this evening, and came across this one, from Kitty With a Key.

And really, it felt good to read it.  It’s so nice to know that there are others out there like me, dealing with the real, day-to-day details.  Sure, there’s this fantasy of what a Domme is supposed to be, and what a D/s relationship is supposed to be.  But it doesn’t always work that way.

Ironically, mere hours after reading her blog post, I experienced the exact thing she described.  After catching up on the blogs I follow, I set the computer down, sufficiently horny from reading a few of the posts, and turned to kazander.

Now, keep in mind that I let him cum last night.  I really shouldn’t have, because he’s been a snarky asshole, but I’ve let that go, because of the issue with our house.

That’s how he handles things like that.  It was the same when I got mugged.  For a few days, he just goes into this ultra-Dom mode.  It’s how he copes.  When something happens that makes him feel out-of-control (in the bad way, not the good way) his response is to grab onto that control and cling to it for dear life.

And really, I can’t be angry at him for that.  And I can’t, in good conscience, deny him his coping mechanism.  So I’ve let him do his obnoxious assertive cave-man thing.

Last night, though, he crossed a line.  So I shoved him back to the right side of that line.

We were playing around, just light teasing.  I can’t remember what he said, but I replied by reaching down to his ass and saying something like, “I should put something in here, instead.”

And you want to know what that little fucker said?

He said, “No.”

Oh, hell no.

I said, “No?”

And then, because he’s an idiot, he repeated himself.  Something about him being tired, it was late, blah blah blah, other shit I don’t care about.

So I immediately got up, grabbed the dildo and the lube, and then sat back down, pushing his legs up to expose his ass.  He was all pissy and doing that eye-roll thing, but I really didn’t care.  Coping mechanism or not, he knows better than that.  He knows damn well he could’ve said, “Please, Mistress.  I’m very tired.  Would it be alright if we rainchecked?”

Or something.  I don’t know.  But he could’ve said that, and I would’ve been fine with it.  Wouldn’t have given it a second thought.  And he knows this, because he’s done it in the past.  I’m more than willing to give him the occasional night off, if he’s just not feeling it.

But to say, “No,” was seriously crossing the line.  Especially since he and I have had repeated discussions regarding his choice of words in recent weeks.

So fuck him.  I completely ignored his eye-rolling and those annoying sighs that he (and a lot of women) does when he’s irritated, and shoved it in with very, very little regard to his comfort level.

I was expecting to just prove a point.  To keep it in for a few minutes, smack him around a bit, and then send him to bed.  But then he got horny.  Of course, by this point, I certainly wasn’t.  His attitude is the biggest damn turn-off that exists.

But he was doing what I wanted, so what the hell?  I sat on his face for awhile, alternating between edging him and beating his dick and balls.  I was bored out of my mind, but because I was working toward a specific goal, I figured I could deal with the boredom.  Then, because I had a plan for the next couple of weeks, I decided to let him cum.

Yes, I know, I know.  Even as I let him do it, I knew I shouldn’t have.  Oh well.

But after he came and recovered, I told him that I wanted him to put the cage back on in the morning, before he went to work.  And was met with another eye roll.  I told him, “Bitch all you want, but you’re still going to do it.”

And I left it at that.  I went to bed, confident that he was going to obey me, and the next few days would be filled with all kinds of fun.

So the next morning, I woke up and saw the key, but no cage.  So I texted him to ask if he was wearing the cage, and received no answer (which was all the answer I needed).

And my plan immediately changed.  There was going to be some legitimate punishment.  I still have some ginger left over from a recipe I made.  So I planned to put that to use.

I was out at a munch when he got home, so I assumed he’d take the opportunity to right the wrong and put the cage on.

Yes, I know what they say about assumptions.  Silly me.

When I got home, I asked him if he had the cage on, and he said no.  No apologies, no “sorry, I forgot,” not even a decent excuse.  I felt cheated.

So my plan changed again.  After I set the computer down, I turned to him.

He must have known what I was thinking, because before I could even say anything, he declared that he was exhausted and was going to go to bed.

I said, “Let’s go to the bedroom, first.”

And he said, “No, I’m tired.  I’m going to bed.”

“No, playtime first.  I’m horny.”

“That’s what your wand is for.”

At this point, this isn’t a coping mechanism.  This is just him being an ass.  And he knew he was being an ass.  He knew exactly what he was doing.

I had a few options, here.  I could force him, like I did last night.  But dammit, I was tired, too.  I didn’t feel like doing it.  I don’t feel like fighting for his submission every day.  I don’t want to have to make it a constant struggle, to deal with the eye-rolling and the bitchiness, and pretend that his fucking attitude turns me on.  I wanted to have fun.

I could switch my plan from my super-fun idea to just a severe flogging, or spanking, like I did for his last punishment.  But just wailing on a boy’s ass for half an hour gets boring.  And again, I’ll have to deal with the attitude.

And fuck that.  I don’t want to deal with his attitude again tonight.

So instead, I shrugged, picked up my phone, and said, “Fine.  I’ll have zane or the virgin come over.”

That got his attention.  He said, “Why?”

Why do you think?

I told him why.  Because I was horny, and want someone to serve me.  If he’s not willing, I know two others who would gladly take his place.

And funny enough, just at that moment, zane texted me.  Convenient, right?

I thought about having him come over after kazander went to bed, but then decided against it.  All my toys and our equipment is in the bedroom, where kazander is, and I see no reason to go in there and wake him up, when he has to work in the morning.  Just because he’s an ass, doesn’t mean I should be.

So I didn’t get any fun tonight.  Zane is coming over Friday or Saturday night, and I need to text the virgin to find out when I can have him come over.

And my plans for the next few days have changed again.  Part of me wants to just ignore him.  That’s the thing he hates most of all.  So much so, that I’ve never even used it as a punishment.  It might be time to bring that into play.

But I have other options, as well.  There’s always the ginger.  That may be put to use tomorrow.  He hates figging.

He also hates being flogged, so it may be time to get the flogger out, as well.  And if he chooses to go to work without his cage again, I think I’ll be taking a trip down to the adult bookstore.  I lost my big purple dildo (the one he has trouble handling even after he’s been warmed up) in Hawaii, so I need a replacement.  He can handle all of the ones I own too easily.  I also need a paddle, so I can spank him harder.

But those options require effort on my part.  And as of now, I’m not entirely sure he’s worth it.  I’d still have to deal with the attitude.  And, I mean, why?  Why should I have to resort to playing with someone I don’t want to?  Not when I can make a phone call or send a text and bring someone else over; someone I’d actually enjoy playing with.  Oh, and the nerd texted me again a couple of days ago.  So if kazander’s out of the picture, then forced bi is out of the picture, and the nerd is no longer out of the running.

Win-win.

But this snarky, obnoxious pattern of his is ending, one way or another.  It’s been going on for months, and I’m officially tired of it.  For the first months of our marriage, things were amazing.  Like, the best they’d ever been.

And then, almost overnight, he just shut down.  And there was nothing I could do to bring him back.  Even now, he’s not the same.  I’ll get a few days, at the most, where he’s what he used to be, but then he goes right back to the asshole again.

So after awhile, I got tired of trying and started looking for someone else to play with, since he apparently had no interest.  It didn’t take long to find the nerd, zane, and the virgin.  Three potential boys in three months.  Oh, and that’s not counting the retired porn star I’m meeting next week (which in all honesty, probably isn’t going to work out, but is still fun to brag about).  There are way more male subs here than there are Dommes.

He keeps insisting he’s submissive (which I have started to seriously doubt) and that the reason he’s an ass is because I don’t make him obey.  Because I’m not “mean enough.”

Because I don’t drag him down by his hair, every damn day, regardless of how I’m feeling or what I want, and force him.

Alright, he’s going to get mean.  Whichever option I end up choosing, he’ll get what he wants.  And if he can’t handle it, I think I’ve made it obvious to him that I can (and will) find someone else who will.

Problem officially fucking solved.

So he’s going to hate his life for the next week or so.  And I couldn’t care less.

6 thoughts on “Problem solved.

  1. Hapa says:

    Wow! You’re in quite a rough patch alright. Kiddos for keeping your chin up and seeing your options instead of feeling stuck.

    Your boy has no idea how good he has it that your investment in pleasure is so high. Any chance you’re letting him come too often? Sounds like he’s feeding his own desire which makes it very hard to be submissive.

    If your not able to control him I’d ask him if he has rescinded his submission or not. If not, he’d better start demonstrating his submission or you are completely justified in withdrawing your attention. (Nuclear option in my mind) He shouldn’t be able to have all your attention and consideration without reciprocation.

    • Domina Jen says:

      Thanks for your kind words. I don’t pretend that he’s “lucky” or “has it good” because he’s with me. I know I’m not for everyone. And maybe I’m not for him. I don’t know.

      I may be letting him cum too often, but I think it goes deeper than that. You’re right, he is absolutely feeding his own desire, and has been for some time. Everything I’ve done to shift his focus will work like a charm for a couple of days, and then it’ll just fade away, regardless of what I do.

      And I recognize that it’s a vicious circle. His attitude turns me off, which makes me not want to give him attention, which makes him less horny and feeds his nasty attitude, which turns me off and makes me not want to give him attention, etc.

      I recognize this and have taken steps to break that cycle. Like the other night, when I forced him to take the dildo even though I was turned off and didn’t want to touch him, much less play with him. And yet, yesterday was the same story. And I just don’t want to have to do that every day. It’s not fun for me. It doesn’t bring me enjoyment.

      I do think he’s rescinded his submission, although he got offended as hell when I told him so. He still insists that he’s submissive, but I can hear the change in his voice. I can see it in his attitude. He never crawls up to me, asking for discipline anymore. He never surprises me by putting his collar or his cage or whatever on without asking anymore. It’s a constant struggle to get him to do what I want, and dammit, I don’t want it to be a constant struggle.

      So yes, I have options. I felt stuck in one marriage, and had no problem leaving it. I have a seven-day plan for him (that he is absolutely going to hate) that starts tonight, and we’ll see how it goes. He can either handle it, or he can’t. One way or another, I’m not dealing with his attitude anymore. I don’t even let vanilla people or fellow Dom/mes talk to me the way he’s been talking to me.

  2. Polthus says:

    One of the reasons I love following your blog is that you keep things real and in perspective. Refreshing, really.

    I’m fixing to ditch about five that fill my feed with nothing more than animated GIFs as click-bait.

    • Domina Jen says:

      Well thank you, your words mean a lot, and are quite appreciated. I do try to keep things real, both on my blog and in my day-to-day life. This blog is a public journal of sorts, to chronicle my journey and perhaps get other, more objective perspectives.

      I don’t pretend that I’m perfect, or that my relationship is perfect. We have our ups and downs, and we’re not invincible. Right now is one of our “downs.” We’ll see what happens.

  3. Kitty says:

    I had to read this one twice, and both times this bit jumped out at me:
    “He keeps insisting he’s submissive (which I have started to seriously doubt)”

    The first time, I thought that you might be right and that maybe he’s not actually submissive, but simply likes the idea of being submissive. On the second reading, I got the impression that he is submissive but that there are other relationship issues at play. I hope I’m not overstepping a line by saying that. I just don’t think that a non-submissive man would allow his wife to dominate him not once or twice, but for several years.

    I agree with Hapa. Maybe he seems less interested because you’re allowing him to cum too often. My experience with previous (vanilla) boyfriends was always that if they were getting it too often, they became withdrawn and less interested.

    He is so lucky to have you as his wife, and I don’t know if he realises.

    (Btw, thank you!)

    • Domina Jen says:

      Of course you’re not overstepping the line. Part of the reason I have this blog is to invite other points of view, objective perceptions, etc.

      As far as I know, there aren’t any other relationship issues (or, there weren’t, at the time of writing this post). I still don’t think he’s submissive, and I’ll get into that in another post. I think he’s a kinkster. A bottom. I think humiliation turns him on, being talked down to and insulted turns him on, but when he’s not in the moment, he’s not interested. He wants it to be on his schedule, on his terms. And that doesn’t work for me.

      I absolutely do think I’ve been letting him cum too often, but even when I made him go two or three weeks between orgasms, and teasing him relentlessly in an attempt to keep him horny, I’ve been met with defiance. And the last few months have been unbelievably trying.

      So we’ll see what happens.

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