Sometimes I fall into a vicious cycle where I’m mentally and emotionally frustrated and cannot manage to channel that energy into productive avenues. In the old days, this would lead to drinking or drugs, but I don’t do that anymore. Instead, I try to go about my day, generally fail to complete mundane tasks and end up feeling ‘stuck’ – this progresses into a cycle of mild depression, feelings of inertia, guilt over said inertia, and then on and on it goes until something snaps me out of it.
It feels like I’m seated in a car stuck in neutral yet compelled to rev the engine until it screams.
When did I last curl up in her lap? It’s been so long, I cannot recall. Despite numbered boxcars on the calendar and the disinterested faces of clocks, a concrete memory eludes me. Time, location, and date, they’re merely three dimensions after all.
That number, it could be a trinity – secure, owned, loved.
Instead, it feels abstract.
Feeling a tad nostalgic this evening and found The Cult meandering down memory lane. I’ve always loved this song in equal proportion to all the hedonistic acts that took place while listening to this tune – privately, in night clubs, and two live performances. Unsurpisingly, The best memories were made behind closed doors.
Well, most of them. Because then I found this video and remembered Bike Week, 1995. It was a ‘working vacation’ for yours truly, but that never stopped me from having a good time. Bike Week was always crazy, probably still is, but 95 was the most insane trips to Daytona I ever made.
I’m jealous. Reason #1 you’re horny. Being in a celibate marriage for the last 12 years, the idea that other women have sexual desires is so frustrating. What have I done wrong? Reason #2: You’re hanging out with children, Having no grandchildren, I miss the little buggers not being in my life.
Hope it all works out for you.
Know the feelings. I’ve certainly been to a birthday party or two and have looked at other parents ranking them all in fuckability. Then I get snapped back to reality to help in some way
Incongruous but true….desire comes unbidden, and leaves just as quickly. It shows that there is more to us than meets the eye….xx