Questions 4

Dear Domina,

I’ve known for a long time that I want to be humiliated and treated like nothing. I’ve talked to my wife about it in passing once or twice, but she hasn’t really shown any interest in exploring that, so I haven’t pressed. But now the craving for that kind of thing is getting more intense. How can I get her interested in being my Mistress?

Wanting Abuse

Wanting Abuse,

Well, this is a situation I’m intimately familiar with. And, unfortunately, it’s not always a situation that has a happy ending. But here’s what I suggest:

First of all, you need to sit down and talk to her. Not just in passing. Sit down and tell her in black and white what you want, and that you’ve wanted it for a long time. Do everything you can (without being obnoxious, which will only turn her off to the whole idea) to make her listen. Tell her how important it is to you. Perhaps part of the reason she hasn’t shown much interest is simply because you haven’t told her how badly you want it.

Secondly, I assume that she really doesn’t know much about D/s or what that entails. Start by giving her some things to read or showing her some videos to watch. Let her read blogs or stories written by submissives and Dommes.

I suggest you start small. Don’t overwhelm her. Try to ease her into the idea. If she’s a little on the conservative side, don’t start by showing her anything too extreme. That’ll only end in disaster and potentially turn her off to the whole idea completely.

I have no idea what your kinks are, but let’s assume you want to try anal play. Try asking her to only allow you to have sex with her if there’s a plug in your ass. Little things at first. Perhaps you can suggest that you be forced to ask her for permission to cum. But the trick is to go at her pace.

Also, try showing her some advantages of being your Mistress. When she gets home from work every day, take her shoes off and give her a foot rub. Spend an entire evening focusing on her pleasure and completely ignoring your own. Give her oral and lick her to as many orgasms as she wants, then let her roll over and go to sleep without returning the favor.

With any luck, she’ll realize how awesome it is to have a sub-hubby and she’ll gradually start to take control. If that doesn’t work, though, and she truly isn’t interested, then sit her down again, reiterate how important it is to you, and discuss options. Maybe she’ll be okay with the idea of having an online Mistress. Maybe she’ll be okay with the idea of you serving a Mistress in real life.

Even if she is okay with the idea of you serving someone else, you need to be completely open and honest with her (and the Mistress) about it. There can’t be any secrets, and there have to be groundrules that must be followed at all times. Perhaps she’s okay with someone else beating your ass or whipping you, but isn’t comfortable with you having sex with another woman. Whatever ground rules the two of you set out, you must obey at all times. Otherwise you’ll lose her trust and may even destroy your marriage.

Unfortunately, these suggestions don’t always work. Some people just simply aren’t interested in BDSM, and aren’t comfortable with their spouse playing with someone else. If this is the case, then you need to make some difficult decisions. Is this something you can live without? You say that the cravings are getting more intense. Do you see this causing problems in your marriage?

In this situation, I can’t give you any advice. At one point, I met a gorgeous, charismatic guy and immediately fell for him. I was young, stupid, and didn’t know much about myself, so I thought I could turn the Domina in myself off. My first husband wasn’t into BDSM at all, and wasn’t open to the idea of me having subs outside our relationship. Our marriage was already on rocky ground for a great number of reasons, and the BDSM aspect only made the rift wider. While it’s not the only reason why I left him, or even the primary reason, it still contributed to the decision to divorce him.

I’m certainly not going to suggest that you end an otherwise-happy marriage because of D/s, but I’m also not going to suggest that you repress that part of yourself. I don’t know you or how deeply the submissive tendencies run. Only you can decide for yourself whether or not you can give that part of you up permanently.

Hopefully, though, the suggestions I gave you will work and she will be open to the idea of owning you. Just be patient with her and be open and honest with her. She’s your wife, and deserves that from you.

Hope this helps!

3 thoughts on “Questions 4

  1. B. K. Hung says:

    Great advice!

  2. I don`t think I could have said it any better. Great advice.

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