This post is in reply to a good friend and fantastic writer, writingthebody, who made the comment that he wasn’t sure how to address me, since I requested that he not call me “Mistress.”
The short answer is that I prefer to be called just Jen, whether you’re Dom/me, sub, or vanilla. And there are a lot of reasons why.
First of all, I’m not big on titles to begin with. Yes, I know that my blog name is Domina Jen. Part of that is so that people who see my blog name have an idea of what my blog’s about without even having to see the blog itself. Part of it is because Domina is my favorite of the many honorifics attributed to Dominant women. And part of it is just because that’s what I wanna do.
But apart from that, I’m not big on titles. Even kazander rarely calls me by any title. To him, I’m “babe,” “baby,” or whatever. He only rarely calls me by a title, and that’s usually only during particularly intense playing, when he’s really, really horny and turned on (the hornier he gets, the more submissive and sluttier he gets. It’s awesome). I don’t need a title to assert my Dominance and take control. And kazander doesn’t need to use it to reaffirm that he belongs to me. Neither of us are big on titles, so they’re just not used.
Secondly, I think that titles such as “Mistress,” “Domina,” “Lady,” or whatever (and their male counterparts, of course) are terms of respect. While I’m totally okay with Dominant men and women who require all submissives to refer to them by their title, that’s just not my thing. Different strokes and all.
It just seems a bit pretentious to me. Requiring that everyone who identifies as a submissive call me by a title just because I identify as a Dominant doesn’t seem right. Especially since I’ve known a couple of Dominants who are absolutely not worthy of respect. I’ve learned the hard way that not everyone who puts Mistress or Master in front of their name is a trustworthy or respectable human being. It also (perhaps unintentionally) implies that I require anyone who identifies as a submissive to be submissive to me. And that is definitely not the case. Of course I don’t expect every submissive I meet to kneel in servitude to me just because I’m a Dominant. That’s a ridiculous notion. Not only that, but it’s disrespectful as hell to anyone who identifies as submissive.
Now, obviously, it’s different when a submissive wants to call you by a title. That’s a completely different story. But it goes back to the respect thing and the me-not-liking-titles thing. If I haven’t proven beyond the faintest shadow of a doubt that I am worthy of that level of respect, then I don’t want it given. Respecting me as a person is one thing. I like to think I’m pretty respectable. But respecting me (or anyone, for that matter) as a Dominant is something completely different.
So anyway, that’s the long answer. Call me Jen.