So I got this comment on my “About Me” page today….

“You could also talk about being a worthless reject fuckbag who isn’t fit to sniff a real mans shit.. Can’t be a sub cos it’s crap? Kneel once a year and think you’re not a sexist pig you piece of shit.? Why don’t cunts like you ever get cancer? Too weak to try being a sub? Too afraid that the whole world will see you for what you are, a spineless wind and piss arrogant whore scumbag? Bet it’s better looking at your feet than it is your face. Superiority? When it’s only simpering little limp dick shitsniffing fart ass fairies like that whore(an even bigger one than you) who you can do it too? If it wasn’t for the sexual thrill they get from it,who’d let you do it? LET YOU DO IT. So how can it be superiority, you misogynistic sexless cunt? Never thought about experimenting with Male Dom/Led D/s, or are you one of those pukefaced cocksucking cunts who like to compare it to abuse?”

Now, let’s ignore the very real possibility that this is a troll trying to get attention, and assume that the author is a real person who is genuinely offended by something I’ve said. We’ll also ignore the plentiful grammatical errors that make comprehending this comment exceedingly difficult.

I’m more confused than anything else. This comment is so wildly, cartoonishly extreme that I can’t even really be offended by it. But I have no idea where this anger or the accusations are coming from.

First of all, sexist? Huh?

I’ve honestly never been called that before in my life. Arrogant, yes. Conceited and narcissistic, yes. Control-freak, yes. Anti-feminist (due to the fact that I stay home and raise my kid, rather than working), yes.

Sexist, no.

But eh, there’s a first time for everything, I guess.

Secondly, I’m a little confused about the being-offended-because-I’m-not-a-submissive thing, and the being-a-sub-is-crap thing.

Where in the blue hell did that come from? I have no idea if the author of this post is submissive, or even in the lifestyle for that matter, so I have no way of trying to see things from his point of view. But it’s confusing because he goes from you’re-a-cunt-because-you’re-too-weak-to-submit-and-you-think-submissives-are-worthless, which makes me think that he’s a submissive who is offended by some imagined notion that I don’t respect submissive people, to you’re-a-cunt-because-you-don’t-want-a-Male-Dom-Led-relationship, which makes me think he might be a Dom who is offended by some imagined notion that I don’t take male Doms seriously, or that I think Male-Led relationships are abusive.

Huh? Really? Really?

Let me say, first and foremost, both for him and for anyone else who reads this. Submissive people are just as worthy of respect as those who put Master or Mistress in front of their name. I don’t think there’s a single thing I’ve written that implies that I think otherwise. I’ve always had a healthy respect for the men and women who submit, simply because they can do something I can’t. The idea of giving up all that control…. no. Can’t do it. I’m a control-freak. That’s who I am.

But there’s absolutely nothing wrong with the people who can and do give up that control. I don’t think submitting is “crap.” I think it’s the most beautiful gift one person can give another.

But it’s just not my thing.

I equate it to straight people. Being straight doesn’t mean you don’t respect gay or bi people. Just like being gay doesn’t mean you don’t respect straight or bi people. Just like being Dominant doesn’t mean I don’t respect submissive people. Different, but equal.

And then he says “so how can it be superiority…?”


That word isn’t written anywhere on my blog, either in my pages or in my posts. So where is the basis of this accusation that I claim to be superior to anyone else because I’m a Domme?

And, to be frank, no, I’ve never considered experimenting with submitting to a male Dom or with having a Male-Led relationship. Nope. Never. And why would I? And why would that offend anyone?

Going back to my gay/straight analogy, would it make sense to be offended because a straight man doesn’t want to experiment with other men? Or that a gay man doesn’t want to experiment with women? Should I be offended that a gay friend of mine doesn’t want to sleep with me? In what universe would that make sense?

Now, that doesn’t mean that I think there’s anything wrong with Male-Led relationship, or with Male Doms, or with submissive women. Those relationships are worthy of just as much respect as Female-Led relationships. Nothing wrong with either one, as long as all partners give consent to all activities.

So this notion of being offended because I’m a Dominant woman, rather than a submissive one, is a bit confusing. And the more I think about it, the more I think that’s the basis of his accusations. He seems deeply offended by the fact that I’m a Domme, and not a submissive. He considers me sexist because I’m on the giving end of the whip, rather than the receiving end. It almost seems like he thinks all women should be submissive (where’s the fun in that?)

I may be wrong, but like I said, all I have to go on is this comment. He doesn’t have a blog of his own, so I can’t read more about his perspective (and the fact that he doesn’t have his own blog makes me think that he really is a troll, but oh well).

Eh, oh well. People are silly, sometimes. And sometimes, that means that their way of thinking is silly. I’ve decided to leave the comment up, and you can read it (along with my response) on my “About Me” page, if you are so inclined.

11 thoughts on “Huh?

  1. I read your response to his comment, and I have to say that it says a lot about you that you didn’t respond to such nastiness with more nastiness. But, if I may be so rude as to make a suggestion, I think it would be better to just delete the comment. He’s obviously a troll and just not worth your time. Leaving his comment up will just give him the attention he wants.

    • Domina Jen says:

      Thank you. And no, that’s not rude. But for now, I’m going to leave it up, on the offchance that he’s actually not a troll. I’m not big on censoring others (this is the internet, after all), and I try to give everyone the benefit of the doubt. Besides, it’s not like it hurts me to have a negative comment on my blog.

      There’s a (very) small chance that he’s just a reader who misunderstood something I wrote and jumped to conclusions. However, if his future comments prove him to be a troll, I’ll definitely take your advice and delete all his comments. Thanks for reading!

  2. writingthebody says:

    Sorry Ms Jen (still not sure how to address you btw), that guy is just crazy. It does not compute or make sense. I know we men have lots of complicated sexist stuff inside us, I know that. But some are just off the wall, and you literally cannot put what he said together in a way that will make it make sense enough to criticise. I can reply there as well….

  3. G says:

    Did you put up the “female superiority” pic in your header after this? If not, he could be feeding on that. He was really mad though, wow. That was the second post of yours I read and you handled it beautifully.

    • Domina Jen says:

      Thanks… And the “female superiority” header has been up on my blog since Day 1, along with the “About Me” post, so maybe he was feeding off that.

      And as far as him being mad, eh. I know that many of my lifestyle choices are not what others would consider “normal.” I’m a Dominant, Catholic devorcee who’s had a child out of wedlock, who enjoys humiliating my sub for my own sexual enjoyment, and who stays home to keep house and raise my kid, rather than having a career and achieving my own independent financial success. I’m used to reactions of shock and disbelief.

      So that’s why this guy’s comment doesn’t really bother me (along with the fact that the disapproval of an invisible man I don’t know is not the sort of thing I care about). It’s the internet, after all. People feel safe hiding behind their computer screens and tend to do a lot of posturing and big talk. But he hasn’t replied to me or posted anything further, so I really am starting to think he’s just a troll looking for a reaction. When I didn’t give him one, he most likely moved on to someone who would. I’m also guessing that he wasn’t expecting me to approve his comment and make it accessible to the public, and is probably a little bit embarassed about other people knowing who he is and what he’s said. *Shrug* people are silly sometimes.

      • G says:

        I agree with you that he probably thought you would never publish the comment. I would have done the same, but I’ve learned that just having threesomes with my bi husband and acting like a hotwife sometimes isn’t all that special in these parts. I’m not a Domme or a sub, and I have no intentions of becoming one, though I like the play.

        I would have liked for someone to find something I say controversial enough to comment on it on my blog. I spend way too much energy wondering about what is unsaid. But like I said, it is pretty tame in this “world” what we do and what I write.

        I always am interested in how a person can be so confident and cool in explaining how they controla relationship (even though you said it isn’t all under your control). For me, I don’t know if I deserve more sexual control, but I want to just be able to beat the shit out of my husband sometimes. He can be a douchenozzle sometimes. Inner struggle.

        Anyway, nice blog. When I find one that interests me and its only a few months old I try to read back to the beginning. So that is what I did.

      • Domina Jen says:

        I’m glad you like my blog. I try to keep things as honest as possible. And no, I don’t completely control the relationship. In matters of work/money and spawn-raising, I want an equal partner, and that comes naturally to kazander.

        Well I sure think being a hotwife and having threesomes is special! That sounds amazing!

    • Ms Mahler says:

      Re: your blog, I’ve been blogging for a while, under different names. One thing I’ve learned is that you are lucky if you get one comment for every hundred views. Checked out your blog and your share boxes show people tweeting your posts out fairly regularly, so someone thinks you have something worth sharing, even if they don’t feel like commenting.

      Speaking for myself, between my various online identities I’m following well over 50 blogs and websites. Unless a post demonstrates a situation where either 1) there is some benefit to me in commenting or 2) I can offer something that will help the poster by commenting, I’ll click “Tweet” or “Facebook” to share the interesting stuff and move on. I rarely even take the time to come up with an original tweet (which is a really good reason for bloggers to use WPs share feature to personalize the tweets, otherwise it just tweets the title of the post and nothing else).

      • G says:

        Thank you, I tend to show a lot of boob pics, this can skew the numbers . I don’t have much substance to my content and my writing is meh. It’s okay, I can always improve these things. I know this because when I sit down to write the type of post I aspire to write, it’s hard and I don’t get far before starting a new draft. I probably sound extreme (waiting for my coffee) but just knowing you were curious then viewed my blog and then gave such constructive feedback here, it makes me feel all warm and fuzzy. So thank you! Ahhh, sorry this was long.

  4. Ms Mahler says:

    The generous interpretation would be someone whose had some real bad experience with the ‘female superiority’ crowd (you know, all women are superior to all men, all the time), saw the pic and went overboard. I usually don’t bother with the generous interpretation on trollishness, but this poster actually seems legitimately upset and not just trolling for reactions.

    • Domina Jen says:

      That was my first thought, too, and that’s why I replied to his comment. But he still hasn’t responded, so I can only hope that, if he was genuinely upset, then perhaps my comment calmed him down enough to not feel the need to insult me further. I don’t expect an apology or admission that what he did was wrong. Not many people can do that. But hopefully a respectful response will make him realize that there are bad eggs in every crowd, and not to judge the entire group based on the actions of a few.

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