Musings of a Milf

*Disclaimer* I have no idea if people in other countries and cultures are familiar with this term. In case you’re reading this and have no idea what a “milf” is, it’s an acronym that stands for Mom I’d Like to Fuck.

I was out with the spawn today, and got called a milf for the very first time. I have to say, it was pretty cool. I guess since the idea of me being someone’s mom is still a relatively new thing, I’d just never thought of myself that way. So it surprised me a bit to hear it, but perhaps the surprise made it more flattering.

Of course, it doesn’t surprise me that men are attracted to me. I’ve never had trouble finding men to play around with, and I’m quite used to being hit on by men on a regular basis (although, sadly, the amount of times men hit on me has drastically lowered now that I have a kid. But oh well. I like the kid better than the random guys anyway. And I’m already completely arrogant and full of myself, so it’s not like I need the added ego boosts by being complimented by people I don’t know.).

Well, now that I’ve said that, I’m not sure. Maybe I have been thinking of myself as “less sexy” since becoming a mom. All day, every day is about the kid, and I guess I have to admit that it’s had an effect on how I see myself.

I certainly don’t see myself in a negative light, mind you. I think I’m a damn awesome mom, and I still think I’m attractive. The extra weight hanging around from the spawn is ever-so-slowly coming off (and only taking two goddamn years,) but it is coming off, and even with the extra weight, I’m still not where I was when I was at my heaviest, and I still think I’m rather good-looking. My entire adult life, I’ve always had a fantastic (perhaps just a tad narcissistic, but nobody’s perfect) self image. So I guess, because I still find myself damn awesome, it just didn’t occur to me that perhaps I just didn’t feel as sexy anymore.

Plus, even as adorable as the kid is (and she is fucking adorable, let me tell you. I’m talking like, a baby-modeling-level of cuteness here. And who could be surprised, given her fantastic genes), she’s not exactly a man-magnet. In fact, kazander and I used to banter about how, if we were to ever break up, he’d have no problem finding another woman. All he’d have to do is take the kid to the diaper aisle in any grocery store and just stand there looking lost and confused. The first woman who notices him and asks if he’s okay, he could just look at, adorable baby daughter on his hip all dressed in cute pink clothes, and beg her to help, saying something like, “Please could you help me? Her mom just walked out and now we’re all alone and I just don’t know what to do. I don’t even know how to figure out which diapers she needs.”

I’m a woman, and I have to admit, if a sad, lost-and-confused-looking man ever walked up to me, with a baby in his arms, and said that to me, I’d probably not only give him my name and phone number, but my email address, physical address, most recent dental records, bra size, and social security number. And any woman reading this would probably have to agree with me on that.

But see, babies just don’t have that effect on guys. Men don’t flock to a woman and coo over her adorable baby the way women do. In fact, it’s always implied that, once a woman becomes a mother, she’s instantly seen as less attractive by the general male public (I know that’s not the case, and that there are exceptions to every rule, blah blah blah. I’m just talking about social conditioning that women have been brought up with, not individual men). And, for the most part, that’s a bit understandable. Whether you’re a man or a woman, if you’re looking for a new relationship, something as significant as your potential date having a kid could be enough to give you pause. It may sound hypocritical, but if kazander and I ever broke up, and I was looking for another boy, I’d probably at least hesitate if I found out the guy I was talking to had a kid. Think about it. Not only (in the best-case scenario) would you suddenly become a step-parent, and suddenly responsible for the health and well-being of someone else’s half-grown kid, but there’s always some kind of drama with the kid’s other parent, and you, as the new step-parent, get to experience the spectacular joy of being thrown right in the middle of all that. That’s a lot to think about on the first date, when you’re supposed to just be having small-talk over drinks at a classy bar or restaurant.

So I get it. People with kids can be considered as having baggage. And, in mainstream society, men are much, much less willing and much less emotionally prepared to go through all that than we members of the fairer sex.

So being called a milf was fantastic, in that it was not only a compliment of my physical appearance, but it was also an acknowledgement of the fact that I had a kid and he still thought I was sexy.

So I was super-flattered with that. But there’s another side to this that actually turned me on. Since adopting my new hotwife attitude, I’ve become aware of the painfully small amount of clothing I own that can be considered “sexy.” I’ve always tended to go for the classy, more modest, comfortable clothing, although I’ve never ever shied away from plunging necklines. I have fantastic boobs.

So I texted kazander today while he was at work and told him I was taking 40 bucks to go buy a sexy outfit.

*Side-note* I’m a stay-at-home mom, so I don’t have an income of my own. I’m a napoleonic power-monger in my every-day life, so there’s no way in hell I would allow some high-school dropout daycare worker to raise my own flesh and blood instead of me. Yes, I know that most childcare workers are professional and fantastic, hard-working people. My comment was not meant to be a blanket insult to those who dedicate their lives to taking care of children. But I’ve also heard too many horror stories. Two were from people I actually know. A few years ago, my ex-husband’s coworker suffered the tragic loss of his 9-month-old granddaughter, because the woman her parents were paying to watch her during the day never took her out of her carseat. Didn’t feed her, didn’t change her, nothing. Then, just a few weeks ago, kazander’s boss had to take time off work so she could go talk to her son’s daycare after she found out that they hadn’t fed her son a bottle until 4 in the afternoon. So while I respect and admire the people who take their job seriously, I don’t want anyone but me and kazander raising our daughter, and I especially don’t want to take the chance that we make the wrong decision in hiring a daycare or nanny. But because I don’t bring in an income, I hardly ever buy anything for myself. If I don’t absolutely need it, I don’t spend his money on it. Before today, I can’t even remember the last time I bought clothes or jewelry or anything for myself. Even when I texted him today, it was a mild rush telling him I was taking the money, instead of asking him like I usually do.

So anyway, back to my previous statement. While kazander was hard at work in a warehouse with no air conditioning, I was out spending his money on frivolous things that I didn’t absolutely need. And getting hit on at the same time. That actually turned me on a bit, and for a moment, I really felt like one of those women in the hotwife-cuckold porn videos I watch. Yes, it was only 40 dollars, and yes, I bought the clothes at Wal-Mart, and yes, the jeans and one of the tops were on clearance. I don’t care. I still felt a hotwife high doing it.

6 thoughts on “Musings of a Milf

  1. Ms Mahler says:

    Personally, the man I’d give my info to is the who knows exactly what diaper size he needs, and can have a five minute convo on the advantages of Huggies vs store brand. But I’m weird like that.

    • Domina Jen says:

      Lol, I agree! But kazander and I had that conversation when the kid was still a newborn. Hell, it even took me a few weeks to figure out what kind of diapers/brands/whatever worked best, and women are supposedly supposed to instinctively know all that crap or something (at least according to the vast majority of female family members). Oh, and Huggies are better than store brand. Definitely, definitely better. And I’m proud of myself. It only took like, half a dozen catastrophic diaper failures to figure that out! 🙂

      • Ms Mahler says:

        I think it depends on the store brand – the ones from Walmart work great, but I’m never buying Family Dollar diapers again if the rent depends on it! And don’t get me started on Luvs *shudder*

        😉

  2. writingthebody says:

    O you are so much more than a MILF. You are that too of course. Your blog is amazingly sexy, Jen. You are more the mother whose feet we would kiss etc. So I would not worry on that score.

    There is a serious side here though – as people have kids, well they mature in some ways, and get more responsible. But that does not mean they have to stop living, not at all. But those initial encounters could be tricky. All I can say is that you and Kazander have done something amazing.

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